To believe that my heart is on the floor...but I'll be a mum?

[BluesandTrues]

Hello everyone.

Please hold my hand.

I'm 33.5. No kids. No partner.

Someone I was with for 7 months was a pathological liar and it all blew up this weekend. I ignored red flags and when I confronted him, he turned cold and left me. I literally told him I'd forgive him, but the lies need to stop. He ended it and refused to even alknowledge the reason we weren't together anymore. Just called himself a bad guy and said I deserved better.

I know it's only 7 months but when you feel time is running out to have a baby and you found your person (at the start)... this burns.

I tried to pace myself with him but he truly love bombed me.

I've spent the past few days an anxious, depressed, manic mess. Missing the good morning texts. Missing the cuddles. Missing the attention.

I believed for the past few days I'd missed out on someonething that I have every proof would have driven me insane....BUT he was already slowly driving me insane....The anxiety just became a part of me and my day...and although I know I'll be shaken up for a while...I've just had a lightbulb moment. I will be ok...surely?

I really want to be a mum and find someone. More than anything.

Happy ending stories after something like this are much needed and welcome. I haven't gone into detail about the lengths of his deciet but he made up people, friends, jobs, events, conversations, scenarios, where he was all the time, his living situation....all of it. Gaslit me in every aspect of the word.

I really am quite low but that glimmer of hope I feel deep inside is something I need some encouragement with.

AIBU to deep down believe that I'm still young, I will be a mum and find someone, and I will smile again? Or do I need to accept that it may just not happen?

You don't need a partner to be a mum.

@TennesseeStella I know. I would like to find love and share a child with someone. I don't want to adopt or use a donor just yet....but thanks.

You’re 33 ! I had my second baby at 43. You aren’t running out of time yet.

He’s right he’s a bad guy and you deserve better why would you choose to be saddled with a guy who doesn’t respect you I would see it as he’s done you a favour of course you can still meet someone and have a dc but please don’t go back to him if he changes his mind. If you read the posts on he there are enough shitty men don’t go with one that you already know is shitty. Go with your eyes wide open he's not for you.

My 40-year-old SIL met her lovely husband when she was 35. They now have two beautiful daughters and couldn't be happier.

Of course you will smile again. Give yourself a chance.

He's left me and is never ever ever coming back. I called him out. His family were involved as he even had me around them and included them in his lies. This is too much shame for him. He has no spine. I wont go back and he wont be back.

Genuinely....am I running out of time?

@TicklishReader

Bless you. Thanks so much.

It can happen for sure! My friend met her partner age 35, they got married when she was 37, she’s now 38 and expecting a baby.

Crack on with dating, join groups and get on the apps, and if you have the money to use a dating agency, go for it. You’ve definitely got time to find a lovely man that’s perfect for you, but not quite enough time to leave it entirely up to fate.

Good luck!

Met my DH when I was 32, got married at 36, and had my 2 kids at 38 and 41.

@Snickersnack1

Bless you for your honestly...I think the depression is partly from being gaslit into thinking that 33 is the same as being 21 when we all know that isn't true. Thanks for giving me hope and a kick up the arse too. Thank you.

@JollyGreenSnake

Thank you my love.

You really don’t want to be a mum if it’s with someone totally unsuitable who will make you miserable. The idea of running out of time can make you settle for less than you deserve. If it’s the most important thing to you, you can look at ways to make it happen without a partner. Or you can concentrate on finding someone who makes you happy and take it from there. Kids may happen or they may not. I know this is mumsnet, but kids aren’t always necessary for you to have a happy life.

33 in London is young. Most of my NCT group are 38+ and just had their first.

Both my birth mum and step mum had babies from their second relationships aged 43/44 so you've got ages yet.

Well done on thr break up. Stay strong.

It can happen! Met my dh at 35, married at 40 and child ar 42.
I didn't have the same situation as you but I had the same feelings of wondering if it was too late when I was the same age as you. It wasn't too late, you still have time!

No, darling. You're not running out of time at your age. Honestly.
Well done on getting rid of the loser.

My first DH passed away when I was 35, we had no children due to his health condition.
I met my now DH 15 months later, we married last year and had our first DC in 2023 when I was 41, we're now trying for our second.

@Phunkychicken Thanks for telling me well done. I found that oddly satisfying and uplifting.

Don’t stress. I broke up with my ex in mid February and I met my now DH in end of March at the age of 37. You are only 33.5. Whatever you do don’t take your ex back as he is wasting your time.

I was adamant that I'd stay single and childless after an abusive relationship. At 35 I met my DH and at 36 we had our DS. So don't worry you have plenty of time yet😊

Go freeze your eggs. That’ll take the pressure off. I had a baby with my own eggs at 43 but not everyone can! You certainly don’t need a man to have a baby, I wish I had done it alone. Good luck! You are all you need..

@Olika He will never ever ever come back ever and that's ok. I will never go back. I'm a bit shaken up and feel so empty without him so need to sort out some hobbies and getting out again...

I will never lose myself like this again or come out of a routine. My day revolved around his messages and attention as sad as that sounds.

I think a lot of people change when they are in a new relationship as long as you never dump your friends for a bloke it will be ok. I’m sure it’s pretty normal waiting on texts and stuff.

You are young. I had 2 children in late 30’s. Don’t lower your standards otherwise you will have more problems to worry about…..

You're fiiiiine

You know that 'statistic' that claims your fertility radically drops off at 35? It's based on French church records from the 1700s. 1700. Our healthcare and life expectancy has improved somewhat in the last 325 years!

In women aged 27-34, 86% will have conceived within a year of trying.
It's 82% for women aged 35 to 39 - only 4% lower. I'm sure we're all very fertile in our teens, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to have babies. Don't attach yourself to an unsuitable father.

Have a read here:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24128176