Is sending me money a red flag?

[Kenyaparks]

So I’ve been talking to this man for about a month now. We’ve done loads of phone and video calls. He lives out of state but he happens to live in the state that I’m moving to in a couple months. He is also coming out to where I am to visit me before I move out there.

I jokingly asked him for coffee money and he sent me some, I told him jokingly that it wasn’t enough and he ended up sending me more money? It was all jokes I didn’t think he was going to obviously do it, I definitely appreciate it. I was in the store today and I told him he should by a watch from the store I was at? He asked me if I wanted it and that he would send me the money… I obviously declined the offer.

is it a red flag that he’s sending me money and hasn’t met me yet ?

Sounds weird on both sides. But then there is so much about US dating culture that is odd who actually knows?

Why are you asking strangers for money? I don't believe for a minute you were "joking". He's also desperate. You are made for each other.

Too much too soon, controlling behaviour, he’s got you down as a potential victim in my opinion. Generosity to woo you then who knows what?? Stay clear he’s weird i think

I'm guessing you're both young americans? This seems to be a thing from what I've seen on social media.

Get your bag gurl, get that man to pay if he want's to spend time with you. Turning up their noses if the man doesn't spend enough for a dinner date.....and on and on and on.

I don't think it's a thing on this side of the pond.

This

This thread has made me wonder if AITRF (Am I The Red Flag) would be a useful addition to the mumsnet talk topics 🤔

You “jokingly asked him for money”??

Yeah. About as funny as dysentery.

You are the red flag 🚩

You’re asking whether the money thing is a red flag while ignoring all the other red flags!!!

Is sending me money a red flag?
> No sending you money IS Guinness - you just have to go to the store to get it

It sounds to me like you're getting anxious about things he says or does and possibly reading them wrong, because just don't know him very well yet.

You are right to be cautious but how about putting some solid steps into place to safely get to know him instead of making too much out of him sending you coffee money (after you actually asked him for it) or hanging up on him because he asked you a basic question that could have really been meant to be quite neutral? Remember, there's a whole lot missing when you don't know someone well and also when you can't see their facial expressions and so on.

I suggest figuring out a way to meet him with a friend or relative present or at least in a public place.

And just tell him you were only joking about the coffee money. Also, you should proably stop texting others when you're talking with him. It sounds to me like he's dropping polite hints that he finds it rude. I would find it rude, too. When you're talking to him, give him your full attention, unless there's a good reason not to, and then make the interruption quick. Good luck with him.

This, you should not be asking a stranger for money even joking

Omg !!! Are you serious why are you asking for money and why does he have your bank details anyway when you’ve never met. ?

It's a red flag that you keep mentioning money! 😆

Definitely. Why on earth are you joking about that?

There’s nothing mysterious about this OK. It’s a very common interaction between some men and some women. The man gives the woman money, and in return the woman has sex with him. It’s called prostitution. Financially you could do well out of it, but physically and emotionally it’s not a good idea.

If you where joking, how did he get your payment details
this has the making of one of those horrible American murder docs
behave yourself, stop messing with strangers
you are just asking for trouble

Agree, she is a CF, who was chancing her arm

Huge red flag. You’re the one waving it by the way.

He’s 28 and very attractive. He used to play professional football

Yeah and you shouldn’t be asking him for money and then more money, you crank!

You sound as bad as each other tbh. I find it a bit strange that you posted about asking him for money and when everyone said you were the problem you suddenly came up with a load of reasons why he was the red flag. If you were worried about all those things why didn't you say so in your first post?
Anyway doesn't sound like a good relationship either way. Just block and move on.

100% a red flag he needs to be concerned. Clearly you think it's hilarious to take advantage of him. Do him a favour and find some other mug who will stand up to you. Your out of order it's controlling and abusive behaviour.

I‘M late to the party so I hope you’ve already had 11 pages of people telling you what a piece of shit you are.

Probably suffered a head injury.

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy could make someone vulnerable to total chancers.