Teenage DS masturbation detritus

[Corkstone]

Not sure what topic this should go in, so sorry for the AIBU. I’m looking for advice though.

I am a single mum to three DCs. I have two DDs (17 and 15) and a DS (14). DS’s puberty has been more awkward for me to be helpful with than my DDs’ was for obvious reasons, and his dad has been good, in fairness. But it has become clear recently that he has been masturbating and I don’t know what to do (if anything) about the mess. .

To be clear I have no problem at all with masturbation. If anything I’m pleased for him. But i don’t need or appreciate the tissues not disposed of properly, and I think he is using a towel to ‘clean up’ which I don’t like the thought of but particularly.

I don’t know how to bring this up in a way that isn’t excruciatingly embarrassing for him (and me!). I don’t even know whether to bring it up. But at the same time I want him to know what’s an acceptable way of behaving.

I’ve never discussed masturbation generally with him, and I think I doubled the one occasion with my elder DD when she accidentally found my vibrator a few years back and the shock and embarrassment on all sides meant it was too awful to talk normally!

Another fear is that one of my DDs will go into DC’s room and see the evidence, which would lead to jokes etc which wouldn’t be fair.

Any advice?

Sorry I just read back youre a SM. In that case yes, I’d be matter of fact about it - nothing else you can really do!

Didn't you ever have 'the talk' with your children prior to puberty? Surely the talk (if you did) covered masturbation? I could understand your attitude if this was the 1940s, but this is 2025. I thought parents would be extremely open in this day and age.

No, you don't want the household bathroom taken over by a teenage boy playing with himself! No one would get to use it. Bedroom is the best and least obtrusive place.

I think boys would feel more comfortable discussing wanking with their father and girls more comfortable discussing periods with their mother.

That's normal and natural.

You really need to get over the embarrassment and have the chat.

Have you not had a talk about sex, porn, consent etc? These are important conversations and no, I don't think they should be left to dad. It's good to show a woman's perspective.

I think the different coloured towels idea is a good one. Then every couple of days given him a fresh bin liner and ask him to tidy up, empty the bin, knot the bag and bring it down. He might work out what you mean without the awkwardness.

Of course he should be tidying his room.
There is no shaming him, if using a shared family towel is how they do things.
Absolutely disgusting.

My children have had their own towel from the youngest of age.
I had my own towel 50 years ago.
Its really not a new concept.
Its basic.

He needs a frank conversation if he thinks masturbation and wiping his penis with a shared family towel is the norm.

Bloody hell but that is grim.
I cannot fathom such behaviour when my boys were that age, and they were no angels either in the tidy bedroom area.

See, I find this so odd. I guess I AM old (two DDs grown up now) but I'm struggling to believe it's necessary to discuss masturbation with one's children, whatever sex they are. There's not really anything much to SAY about masturbation, is there, unlike consent, porn, managing periods, etc? - most kids discover it by themselves perfectly well and it's a private thing.

The used tissues is a different issue and needs addressing, but that they are being so casually left around doesn't make it sound like he's suffering any guilt or shame about it, OP, so if I were you, I'd spare him a mortifying conversation with his mother.

“Please can you stop wanking into the towels? Use tissues and put them in the bin after you. Thanks.”

Two (now adult) boys. I always found the direct approach worked best.

Never had a conversation with any of my children about masturbation, no.

Even in the context of this issue I don’t think it’s necessary because any such conversation probably wouldn’t have gone as far as discussing the clean-up arrangements.

I was always open with my DDs about periods, changing bodies etc and their puberty experiences passed off drama-free. Same with DS who would have picked up the necessary knowledge in the same way.

Nothing at all wrong with masturbation (I am an enthusiastic practitioner when the mood takes me!) but it’s not something I consider necessary to bring up. They will or won’t respond to any urges in that way, and it’s none of my business until it is.

But presumably you've talked to him about porn, how women are treated and sex is portrayed in porn etc. so that's not far from a discussion about not being a dirty fecker with the tissues.

Surely you would have talked to him about erections, right? That's part of puberty. And what happens and why they happen.

It sounds like you haven't had any talk at all, and just left him to find out on his own. That's sad. Especially in this day and age.

Consent, porn and sex generally have come up in conversation. We’ve never sat down and had a chat about it in a planned way. And erections have never come up as a standalone topic (that’s a good pun!).

I think it’s a pretty big leap from the chats we’ve had to anything about masturbation and tissues.

‘Pleased for him’ gave me the ick.

I have a 12 year old grandson that spends the night at my house frequently enough that I have extra clothes for him there along with a toothbrush and toiletries. We have a very good relationship where he's not afraid to tell me anything. We have had the masturbation talk and he knows that it's okay to do(in private)when he's spending the night. I put a stack of washcloths in his drawer for him to use for for masturbating and he throws them in the hamper afterwards. He also has a bottle of lotion and lube. I've never had to talk to him about cleaning up since he's not trying to hide anything. I guess my point is having an open, honest, nonjudgmental, non embarrassing and direct conversation can make this situation much easier.

I think I need to go and bleach my eyes…

I can't imagine any circumstances in which I would have had "the masturbation talk" with a 12-year old grandchild. How the hell did the subject even arise, and doesn't he have a parent to talk to? I'm all for involved grandparenting, but this feels like a step too far.
Just noticed that this is a zombie thread as well, so even less reason to share it with us.

OP I smiled at "Another fear is that one of my DDs will go into DC’s room and see the evidence, which would lead to jokes etc which wouldn’t be fair." - I'd say that jokes for leaving jizz-rags lying around would be entirely fair!

Re the towel, Christmas is coming up, and quite a few men's toiletries gift sets come with a gym towel, if he was my son, he'd be getting one (at least) of those, so he wasn't using towels others have to use.

I cringe when I think back to my pre-teen experiences, once I discovered wanking around 11 I was voracious. My room must have been a no go zone. For a few months I just " finished" on the sheets. I think after a few months I learned about discretion.

It doesn’t matter what the tissues are used for.
How would you deal with it if the tissues were the result of a snotty nose or a nose bleed? You deal with this in the same way. You’re the person who’s making this into a problem.

Put a bin in his room lined with a bag. Tell him that you don’t want to pick up his snotty tissue. Don’t mention what the tissues might be. Buy him some small gym towels. I think you may still have to empty the bin hence I’d line it with a bag.

Do it soon OP or it'll reach the point of 'the smell' in there. 🤢🤮

I’ve got DSs and I’ve not needed to say anything about this, but I’d be hopping mad if a towel had been used.

Just say to him to bin all tissues properly and don’t use towels for cleaning up in your room please, with a pointed look. And exit.

Be straight and firm. Please put your dirty tissues in the bin and stop using towels for bodily fluids. No one wants to use a towel you've spunked all over, put it in the wash. Its no one elses job to clean up after you. Don't be so disrespectful.

I have a DS the same age. I was very blunt. “Don’t have an issue with you masturbating but here is a bin, here is a roll of toilet paper. You clean it up and the tissues go in the bin. If I find crunchy tissues or crunchy anything else, I will publicly shame you.”
this was about a year ago when he was 13. He knows clearly what acceptable is!!!