Is awareness of menopause and its horrific to start backfiring on us ?

[Bobbyewingshowerscene]

Is the current awareness and better understanding of menopause and its ruddy awfulness going to start backfiring on us on the workplace?
Undermining faith in the competency of women in their 40s and 50s? because there is better understanding of how the body, hormones, sleep, mood, ability to focus, mental health are affected?

Not dissimilar to how employers have historically (and I would argue still currently) viewed mothers/ women of child bearing age- for concerns about future mat leave/ child care issues/ sick days etc.

Is it an unfair irony that promoting more information about the menopause and its negative effects, and this being more publicly understood, is going to set us back to being seen as less capable than our male counterparts?

Lucky that you didn't have severe symptoms on top of that. Some people have to cope with all that, or more, and deal with severe menopause symptoms too.

I believe it's about a third breeze through, a third have minor to moderate symptoms and another third have a tough time.

The only things I'm really noticing is that menstrual cramps are getting worse and the PMS symptoms a bit stronger. So maybe I just need as much consideration as a younger woman with menstrual issues.

I understand where you're coming from OP, but I disagree. There have always been tropes about "unstable hormonal menopausal women". The kind of unscrupulous employers who will use the recent increase in chat about symptoms to avoid employing women, were probably already not employing women much... this increased knowledge and awareness might not make them change their minds - but it means more caring employers can maybe support their employees better, and also that women in the workplace who are being unfairly treated have better ammunition?

Whilst menopause isn't a protected characteristic, it can be seen as discrimination under sex and age in the workplace.

I am having a horrific menopause and have had to request Reasonable Adjustments at work, they have been pretty accommodating.

I think it's brilliant menopause is being spoken about more, I feel sad for previous generations having to go through this alone to be honest!

It’s not awful for everybody, the generalisation of its “awfulness” certainly isn’t helpful for women mentally or professionally.

I had to regularly phone in late due to sudden flooding (sometimes on the Tube!) My arsehole of a boss had zero sympathy, even enjoyed yelling to the whole office that his wife had periods and never called off work with pains. I could've yelled back that I didn't say I had pains, I was bleeding like a one-woman battlefield and he should try calmly strolling into work while gushing blood everywhere, but didn't because that would just have horrified everyone else even more.

Policies around peri-menopause wouldn't have made him any less of an arsehole, but would have let him know he couldn't do that to me. Come to think of it, he'd have had to rein in his entirely unjustified accusations of mental incompetence as well in case that was seen as discrimination.

It takes some adjustment personally. You work out how to adjust, cut alcohol, eat well, sleep well, hrt, exercise and come out feeling better than before. YABU

Absolutely not. Internalised misogyny at its absolute finest. Headline news, menopause affects every woman differently, for all of you saying it was nothing, there are others for whom it affects everything from physical ill effects to complete changes in personality and ability to manage work/life.
If men went through menopause, it would not be seen as weak to want to manage it with HRT, or to have work based understanding front and centre. They would demand it.
Yet again, when women fight for sex based rights and understanding, like fair treatment in work, you are suggesting we are seen as too demanding and should put up/shut up.
And any business, small or otherwise, who avoids middle aged women due to their demands to be seen and heard, is missing out. We rock!

I went through it before all this publicity. I knew almost nothing except that my periods would stop (hooray!), I wouldn't get pregnant again (hooray!) and I might get the odd hot flush. And that's what happened. I'm NOT saying it's that simple for all women. I know some really struggle. But one of my friends blames everything on menopause - hay fever, forgetting stuff, hunger, not sleeping, oversleeping, tiredness, putting on weight, anxiety, spots, backache... She can't hold a conversation with anyone (shop assistant, postman, neighbour etc) without mentioning menopause and it's tiresome.

I agree with this. It's a huge discredit to the mass population of women to assume that menopause will always be awful and detrimental to their ability work effectively. There needs to be awareness that it can be, and support for those individuals affected. However, many women are not affected

edit, posted too soon

… many women are not affected and absolutely thrive once nit constrained by childcare responsibilities as they get older.

Someone like that would find something else to pin it on, though, @LillyPJ. Menopause is a current topic but people with health anxiety (or whatever it is) can always find another one - allergies, toxins, electromagnetism ...

She should shut up/put up.
These pesky women talking about their lived experiences eh?

Very true! (Do you know her?!) However, she gives menopause a bad name and it could cause some people to worry unnecessarily.

This!

Well I don't drink alcohol at all, sleep well, eat extremely well, exercise plenty and generally feel pretty good, but I still need about three hours a month when the unpredictable migraine kicks in to wait for the painkillers to kick in, just so I can resume my day. I can't take HRT, so that's not even an option.

I'm not having a horrible menopause but know some women do and will advocate for my sisters in the workplace who need those supports. Of course, there will always be people who have no sympathy if it isn't in their experience.

So because it didn't happen to you, women who it does happen to should put up and shut up? Lovely.

@Neededa My point is that, apart from the fact that anyone banging on about their health all the time is boring, most of her symptoms (some of them maybe imagined) might not be anything to do with menopause. She's heard and read so much about how awful it is that she's constantly looking out for symptoms which she might not otherwise notice. She ends up feeling worse because she's dwelling on it all the time.

Men of same age also have their own issues but that seems to be swept under the carpet. In my experience, many men in their 50s and 60s have a poorer memory and far less energy than women of same age. Also more back problems which also impact work. That is never acknowledged though.

In my DH's office anyone can get a full ergonomic assessment and aid with their work station area if they have problems of this nature. Or even if they don't.

Yes, those damn workplaces just don't keep up do they?
INeed a policy for sickness, maternity, compassionate leave, reasonable adjustment, retirement, redundancy, sickness, whistle-blowing, performance, pay, holiday, diversity, equality and inclusion, health and safety...
The only policy they don''t have is how to get anyone to do any fucking work

You’ll be ok, go for it. I am ‘decidedly menopausal’ and in a very senior job with a lot of daily pressure. I do a bloody good job still! HRT helps and I take a lot more notes whereas I used to rely on my memory.

Brain fog isn’t too bad for me. If it was I’d add testosterone into my HRT as this helps other women I know with their brain fog. I have other meno symptoms but I’m doing everything I can to help myself and I’m pretty sure hardly anyone at work knows I’m battling through it!

^ Same.

Many women go through menopause with no issues at all, DM and her sister - nothing at all.

Women can’t win at any age. In your 20s, you’re not taken seriously as you’re a young, sexy thing. In your 30s, you’re distrusted because you will want to go off on lots of maternity leave. In your 40s they don’t like you because you want Xmas and school holidays free to be with your family, in your 50s you can’t do your job due to being menopausal and then in your 60s, you’re an old bag and not worth taking seriously in any case. 🤷‍♂️

@LillyPJ she might actually be right though - there are many many signs of perimenopause that are equally attributable to other conditions. Hormones control so much in our bodies and when they suddenly drop, women can develop symptoms and not ever make the connection it is hormone related. I had heart palpitations and investigations into that for a few years before I (or any doctor) considered they might be caused by menopause. Also incredible bladder pain. Both have subsided with HRT. But joint pain, insomnia and all sorts of other symptoms can occur. You are lucky if you sail through it.
My mum thinks she sailed through hers, but actually she had symptoms she just didn't realise were perimenopausal. It's not all hot flushes!

I think it's helpful that women are aware of what might occur and are insisting our doctors see our bodies as specifically female and treat our symptoms accordingly.
That said, I'm old enough to see how being of childbearing age can affect women at work and I don't want menopause to be another reason that employers don't hire women if there's a male candidate and all other things are equal!

@LillyPJ I do understand what you’re saying but you are talking about an individual. I worry that if this becomes the standard way of talking about menopausal women, as in, they just make too much fuss, why don’t they just shut up about it, why not just get on with it?
Then those who do have “a bad one” can’t talk about it, can’t ask for help and end up in their 40s/50s walking into rivers.

Ageism and sexism require no excuses. If a workplace wants to discriminate and thinks they can get away with it, they will.

Getting protections in place is the only way that changes. That usually requires the raising of the issue, then a law, and then a precedent set via a court case