Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

🤣🤣🤣 unless you have concrete coasters then I don’t think it’s much of a worry.

Well trained dogs are very patient. Until they aren’t. Minimising the risk to push the blame back on OP is really irresponsible. What happens when the child behaves the same way towards a dog that isn’t so patient ?

We have wooden ones - I wouldn’t like a slap in the face from one. In any case, whatever he was hitting the poor animal with is unacceptable and beside the point.

Yes he shouldn't hurt the dog but he is young and still learning. Couldn't you have told the mum and gave her the chance to tell him off herself first. I wouldn't be happy with someone yanking my babies arm either

Thats fair enough, obviously.

Still its not a good reaction to get angry at a 2/3yo and talk to him like that.

very very lucky the dog did not react.

child's father is fully responsible and should have dealt with it. Children and dogs do not mix - supervision is always needed by the child's responsible adults.

This could have had a very different outcome, and everyone would be saying kill the dog.

and I have 4 dogs.

btw since when were coasters toys ?

Yet in an update she said that the dog was normally docile but she did have concerns because you can never be 100% sure. So yes, there was concern for the child. But to be honest I can see the concern for the dog too. It’s in it’s own home, sleeping and bothering no-one and along comes nephew and starts hitting it. And yet posters see that as perfectly acceptable and not a teaching moment for the child. So what happens when he does it to another dog who’s not so docile ?

She didn’t yank the babies arm. ‘Yank’ was in inverted commas for a reason.

I am not talking about any "gentle parenting", whatever that is.
I am saying you gently physically stop them, ie. you take their hand, take the coaster away, tell them stay away from the dog, tell them we dont hit the dog and redirect their attention elsewhere. By "gently" I mean you dont shout, dont get angry, dont pull the child by the arm or drag them away. There's no reason to shame or belittle the child.

The OP can obviously be in charge if she agrees that with the father of the child. I wasnt talking about any being a carer by default.

Yes, thats the thing. He may well know better. But is too young to act on it all the time.

She posted for opinions based on what actually happened - her own account of it. Not opinion based on some of the frankly ridiculous mental gymnastics going on in order to make her the bad guy.

So what ? The BiL and his actions brought about the situation between OP and her sister. Of course it’s about him, his shitty parenting and his contribution to the situation by running to DW to cover his arse because he knew he should have been the one to intervene.

I don’t see any level of concern for the child in the actual scenario that occurred. I did read that other comment from the OP and it was simply an acknowledgment that there are safety rules in place regarding the dog, but that of course nothing is guaranteed. In fact she clarified that she was ‘more concerned about seeing a 14 yo, white faced dog with arthritis being physically harmed’. Personally, I can only read that one way. The teaching moment was conjured up out of thin air by other posters who wanted to support the OP’s position. I say this whilst completely understanding her desire to protect the poor dog. I just think she went about it the wrong way.

Edited: forgot quote. That was to @Rosscameasdoody . Can’t seem to add in quote after the fact.

Don’t apologise you did nothing wrong ask your sister if next time he does it would she like you to allow the dog to bite him instead and remind her that her useless husband was sat there as well so he could’ve behaved like a parent and kept an eye on their DS so that the dog doesn’t get smacked over the head.

This.
I think it’s a massive overreaction of the sister.
At the end of the day, the toddler learned there are consequences for bad actions and, although I may have phrased it a little more gently, the OP needed to intervene because the Dad was being a lazy arse.

It takes a village as they say. I’ve always told people if my son does something in your house that you don’t like then tell him so (that’s if I scent noticed it and told him myself)

I wouldn't like it at all if an adult said "would you like it if I hit you" to my toddler. To be honest I can't imagine my sister even saying that to my 8 year old.

I wouldn't mind something like "no that's not very kind", in a gentle toddler appropriate voice.

Sounds like you got very angry and OTT aggressive for the age and developmental stage of the child.

Totally agree with you op, this is one of the only scenarios where a proper telling off is necessary, even an elderly dog could kill a toddler if they were startled enough and being hit over the head while sleeping is enough to startle any dog. I wouldn't even dream of apologising.

The dad not stepping up doesn't change the fact you lost your temper with your 2 year old nephew and threatened him.

Even if that's the case I don't think she's unreasonable. It's a good lesson for the child to learn that if you hurt an animal (or person) then someone will no doubt react badly to you.

Coasters can be made from all sorts. Have seen ones that are wood, glass and slate. Could probably do bit of damage.

I said this earlier but I don't think her motivation or tone is as important as that she acted quickly to keep both parties safe. It was the right thing to do. I can't imagine having a big strop at anyone who acted to keep my child safe, especially if I wasn't there!

The dad wasn't watching his child so how did he know that op "yanked" his child's arm. It seems like dad is being hyperbolic, when he snitched because he knew he should have said something at the time.

I don't think you did anything wrong there op in teaching your nephew to be more respectful to living creatures. I wonder whether most of the posters suggesting you overreacted would say the same if it wasn't a dog, but a baby sibling?

Why? How? She told him off, she didn't slap him!

How patient would you be if you found your nephew hitting your dog ? How patient should you be if you find a child hitting a dog, given that the consequences of that could be dire for the child.

The child in question is nearly 3, so not a baby. The word "yank" I suspect was hyperbole from the bil.