Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Uh 59 % agree with op
41 % don’t agree with- …
you Do understand how percentage works don’t you?

Most people DO agree with the OP's actions.

Are people wilfully ignoring the voting or are they GENUINELY this obtuse?

You're right - I hadn't noticed the poll, so I stand corrected. But there's lots of really nice, nuanced responses here that the OP could read and maybe see her sisters perspective a bit more. I hate how polarised people become on here.

nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster.

we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”

Did he throw coaster at the dog or hit dog in the head while holding coaster? Bit different.

Yes and you thoroughly revel in it, don't you? I'm all for children being spoken to firmly (and absolutely, a nearly 3 year old should already know this is wrong, for their own protection if not the dog's, and especially if they see the dog regularly) but now you've added in the fact that you were hungover, it does shed a different light on it, and I suspect you were louder, grabbier and more angry than you're letting on here. You don't like kids - why did you not take yourself off to "recover" in your room when they arrived? You could have taken the dog with you. You say that your brother in law was right there, so did you say anything to him at the time? He was wrong but so we're you. Plus you've upset your parents in their own house.

Is the sister open to seeing the OP’s perspective? If no then she can fuck off asking anyone to consider hers

BiL is the child's father. He was in the room. He did nothing, and when he realised he should have been the one to intervene he bad mouthed OP to her sister to take the heat off himself. Of course it’s about him. And while there was even the remotest chance of the outcome being that the child was bitten, OP was right to act as she did.

Look at the poll.

Maybe? I don't know I don't know them. Better to assume the best of people than assume the worst?

As I said above:

You're right - I hadn't noticed the poll, so I stand corrected. But there's lots of really nice, nuanced responses here that the OP could read and maybe see her sisters perspective a bit more. I hate how polarised people become on here.

The sister is calling for an apology. The OP is right not to give one.

You need to frame it that you were protecting your nephew as he had hit your dog in the face and didn't want the dog to react. I bet bil didn't even see him hit the dog because he wasn't supervising.

Ask them what they would have done?

She's demanding an apology and saying she won't set foot in the house until she has one. Does that info that was in the first post give you any clues?

I hadn't seen the poll. And anyway its not exactly a clean sweep, if I was the OP I'd be interested in different perspectives. God Mumsnet is a hostile place.

She's maybe struggling to see nuance amongst all the posts calling her a child abusing harpy.

OK show of hands please 🤣 All those voting YABU. Have you genuinely never handled your child more roughly than you intended, or spoken to them more harshly than you meant to because you were panicked that what they were doing would cause them imminent harm ?

I like how neutral you are 😊 actually your reply made me take a step back. I guess life and experiences takes you to believe the worst due to past experience when you’ve believed the best in people. Hmm slippery slope. Not a lot of trust and kindness in the world now

I agree BIL should have stepped in, 100%, and if I was the SIL in this situation I would be annoyed at my husband.

but to react with “I’m sooooooo sorry…” etc does make you sound 12 🙃

She’s literally been called a child abuser, aggressive, free loader…. Of course you would probably focus on that.

Of course, I get that
But what I'm saying is she's causing an issue for what sounds like a brilliant auntie usually who loves and cares for her nephew and provides free childcare. The child put themselves in danger and OP intervened. An auntie who didn't care wouldn't do that. The main point of course being that she didn't yank the child, the father stirred the pot with this nonsense after doing nothing to intervene. So I think the sister has much more of a DH problem than she has a Dsis problem.

If I were the OP I'd want to instigate a calm conversation with my sister in which I expressed my perspective and would try to understand hers so that a compromise can be reached. They sound like lovely close sisters that are just caught up in the moment.

And I wouldn't like somebody hitting my dog in the face.

No, all of that is ridiculous and just Mumsnet at its worst.

I’m young at heart

I totally agree @Worriedsickmostofthetime and most importantly OP prevented a potential - nasty even if unlikely scenario - of a dog bite.