Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

This is pretty much what she did with a few extra words which a two year old probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend.

I think everyone’s being a wee bit unreasonable. OP, you were right to stop the kid hitting the dog. Maybe a wee bit over the top. Good rule of thumb not to touch anyone in anger, we can be a bit rougher than we mean or it can be perceived that way if your tone was harsh. That said, your brother in law should have damn well been watching his kid. He could have taken over rather than sitting on his ass watching everything then going to complain to your sister. What a dickhead. If I were you, I would apologise. I would say: “Sister, I’m sorry. I think I was a bit harsh with nephew. I was worried he may hurt Lucky. I won’t do it again, and will leave all parenting to you and BIL. However, that means that you and BIL will have to actively watch your child at all times as I won’t intervene unless it’s an emergency.”.

"How would you like it" to promote empathy..there isn't a HUGE difference between a,2 year old and a 3 year old. I had 4 DKs,we always had dogs cats etc . They grew up with puppies. DD lives near, youngest dgk comes round a lot, she is now 2 and a few months (, I know Mumsnet is very keen on exact months,!) we've had mostly border collies,all slightly different temperaments. We have a 10 year old,you can do anything with, and an 18 month old. We never ever leave them in a room together. Yesterday, she was banging a ball a soft foamy one on younger dogs head..mum or I say no, you don't do that to doggy. We show her you put your hand out, and our doggies shake hands. She has forgotten it by the next visit..I don't expect her to be aware of empathy.
.

16 months off 4 is such a strange way to state his age.

She's taking on board the majority view, which is that she was fine in what she did. She's ignoring a small vocal minority.

The OP disputes that she treated him roughly.

And him just doing what toddlers do could potentially have resulted in being bitten. Because his useless father did nothing. How 'kind' would it have been to let the the child be harmed?

OP prevented that. She reacted to an unexpected, stressful situation in which she had no time to prepare a speech. Generally, when people get a scare and need to react quickly to a developing hazard, they can be a bit sharper than they might otherwise be and allowances are made - especially if said person has potentially saved one's child from a nasty bite!

If the parents don't like her way of intervening, well, the father could always try parenting his own child in future.

I don't think you'll ever win with this one. It's like the stories of kids pulling cats tails and not getting told off. I saw some kid dragging a cat on a lead, whilst the mum just watched and laughed (it made me so upset).

I don't see anything wrong with what you said personally. Maybe it was the way you said it? But your brother in law should have said something.

You mean capitulate and apologise for the situation her BiL described to her sister, rather than what actually happened ? Which was that the child was behaving badly to the dog and in danger of being bitten. BiL couldn’t be bothered to deal with it and left it to OP, and then ‘snitched’ to hi wife to take the heat off himself for being a shitty parent ? I’d move out first.

He was doing what toddlers do

No no. He was doing what some toddlers are allowed to do when their feckless parents can't be bothered to parent.

Thankfully OP was there to stop this moron's child potentially get a dog bite to the face, while he sat feet away doing sod all.

He threw an item at the dog, he did not hit the dog in the face.
He most likely wanted to wake the dog up, I am sure they're close as he visits Dog regularly.

@Rosscameasdoody whataboutery is the worst. The post isn’t about the bil, it’s about op.

Waiting until the dog retaliated is not the only other outcome.

You could have handled it better, but the reaction from the parents here is over the top. I'd probably say "Im sorry you're unhappy with the way I handled nephew when his father failed to, I trust he'll be better supervised around the dog so neither of us are put in this position again".

"Kindly", the majority view, as evidenced by the voting, is that OP did nothing wrong.

Maybe it's YOU who needs to take on board the majority view?

Perhaps that was deliberate.

have you never stopped a child running towards a road? You catch the child and pull back from road and in your relief sometimes raise your voice to say “you must not do that”.. etc?
This is similar.
If toddler is waking a sleeping dog he needs pulling away and removing quickly and told never to do that again - same as Road scenario.

Agree.

Gentle dogs do nip/bite.

The OP states the child hit the dog on the head with a coaster.

Most people don't agree with the OPs actions. And I think in any situation it's good to be open minded to other people's perspectives/ ways of doing things. Nothing in life is black and white.

@Butchyrestingface
agree abd the vote has been rising steady and is at 59 %

No, he hit the dog with the coaster. It's clearly in the OP. He's also 2, so I'm sure he's not wandering up gleefully thinking about cracking the dog on the head, but he didn't throw it.

No no, he very much hit the dog in the face with a coaster and had to be stopped from whacking the dog in the face for a second time.

So, this is kind?

I’ll always side with the animal, so YANBU 😄

Absolutely this @Butchyrestingface