Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Massive overreaction by the parents, and shitstirring by your PIL. Ultimately, there was no harm done - and there could have been, had the OP not intervened in a timely fashion.
Trauma is a dog bite to the face, not being sternly spoken to.

Nope.

Not unless the child’s parents apologize for not supervising their offspring.

It's best for both dog and child that they don't visit again though, if no one can be arsed to supervise properly so that both dog and child are safe.

She could have been less kind by what ? She's already shouted at 2 year old and physically manhandled them ...

Well. Happy Saturday. YANBU. Thanks for the update that the nephew was completely unfazed (as I would have expected).

I do wonder what on earth is going on with your BIL, he seems to have deliberately wound your sister up.

Well, the parent should have intervened, certainly. Aside from it being unkind to the dog, no dog should ever be trusted around a child and he could have turned in an instant, especially if he felt attacked.

That's not how you speak to a toddler, though, OP and its not a nomal way to deal with it. Still, your sister's anger is completely misdirected and should be towards her useless husband. It shouldn't have been for you to deal with in the first place.

She's already shouted at 2 year old and physically manhandled them ...

That was the accusation. OP said she just grabbed their arm to stop another blow to the dog.

No, the issue is that the child was hitting a dog, which could have turned on him in seconds. Had OP not intervened there could well have been a tragedy. But hey, let’s all make believe that wouldn’t have happened and pile in on the way OP handled it.

Sounds fine to me. Not sure why the father wasn't watching his kid in someone else's house around the pet. The kid didn't cry so wasn't hurt and distraction worked. I don't think you did anything wrong except the 'sin' of not wanting to breed.

Many parents on this thread who are not currently receiving free babysitting from the OP have said the OP was out of line.

Really it will come down to the OP and if she wants to keep her cushy situation or move out.

I think you did the right thing OP! The Dad should have done it - someone needed to make sure he never does that again.

My daughter was bitten by MIL’s elderly sleeping dog at the same age - just for startling him as she toddled past. Children need to be closely supervised around animals at that age and hitting the dog on the head needed a response. He’s very lucky he wasn’t bitten.

By which time the dog could have bitten the child. There are times when a kid is in iminent peril, that a short, sharp reaction is required.
Would you try and negotiate with your kid if it was runnung towards a main road/pride of lions/group of thugs?
I was at a restaurant recently, sitting outside. The table next to me, 4 adults, friendly, placid dog, who had recieved a lot of patting from me, was sleeping under table during meal. During coffee, a family walked past. Toddler saw dog, rand towards it squealing and screaming 'doggie' the dog, frightened, shot out from under table and barked at child (owner had hold of it on lead). Kid then went hysterical, table of 4 very upset.
Parents of child were 'oh my poor little darling, did the doggie bark at you'. Owner of dog explained that dogs and animals will react to shouting and running towards it, because they don't know they/ their owner aren't going to be attacked.
So, blame firmly in lap of parent

YANBU.

What you did wasn’t the end of the world. Possibly a bit more forceful and wordy than ideal, but guess what? Even parents and experts go a bit OTT sometimes.

What would’ve been the end of the world, would be the dog hurting your nephew. I know you say it wouldn’t, but any dog(animal) can. It’s always a possibility. You kept both the dog and child safe. That’s the main thing.

As for your sister I’d do an “I’m sorry you’re upset” type of apology . She can take it or leave it.

What does this batshit word salad even mean? 🤣

^Why has such a drama been created out of what seems like a fairly normal disciplining of a child? Why has BIL gone out of his way to make OP sound so dreadful?^
I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it.
You think it is normal to run, pull, take, his arm, ask if toddler would like to be hit in the face? He didn't hit dog in face, he doesn't understand threatening crap.

His parents should have been watching him. I'd tell them you're sorry if they don't like how you handled the situation, but they need to supervise their son around the dog. If he's been gently told several times previously, it's clearly not yet sinking in with him how to behave around animals so he needs to be watched like a hawk. Maybe the Dad can stay home with him and your sister can visit on their own if she's wanting one on one time with your parents.

To me this is one of those serious situations where there's potential immediate danger like kid running out into the road. Your fight or flight instincts can sometimes make you react a little heavy handedly. If the nephew was really upset afterwards then I would have apologised to him for being a little harsh, but I don't see why your sister and BIL are expecting an apology.

Quite. This is the reason I left education. All this gentle hands crap when a child is whacking another animal or person!
I wouldn’t want to apologise but if I did for the sake of your parents, I’d make it clear that the child’s parents should be supervising him and not sat with their nose in a magazine.
Why didn’t the BIL say something to you at the time? Has your sister apologised to anyone for her child whacking the dog?

If you’d come on here and said my nephew wasn’t being supervised by either of his parents and he whacked the dog and the dog bit him and you declared that you’d told the child to use kind hands and to be gentle, people would be in uproar and say why didn’t you physically intervene and avoid it happening!

Ignore the holier than thou posters, you did nothing wrong. You maybe were a bit more stern than you could have been but you protected your dog and your nephew. Shame his parents didn’t.

you sound like you were angry and physical - so yes, you were unreasonable.

I wouldn't be happy if I was your sister. He's a toddler for godsake. I understand your reaction was to protect your dog. I would have said "no, we don't do that, You could hurt the dog", then say something along the lines of "we need to be kind to animal", and stroke the dog to model the behaviour we want, then get him to stroke the dog kindly. That said you don't have children, so you probably didn't think like that. You're thinking as an adult, he's a toddler who's learning.

What cushy situation ? Presumably OP is paying her way and is saving for a flat. And this is entirely irrelevant to what happened because the dog is the family pet - it doesn’t belong exclusively to OP, so would still be there regardless of whether OP moves out or not.

And once again, the fact that the other person is two certainly means they could perceive it as a threat, I've answered that over and over again.

You are arguing it is literally a threat to other adults. Are you rowing back on that now?

Sigh.

Yes, she's addressed this. It's in quotation marks as it's what the useless fecker BIL has described her as doing. Not what she actually did, which was hold his arm to stop him landing a second hit.

So, to repeat;

Some of these replies are a joke. She didn't yank him. She tried to get him to think about how it would feel to be hit in the face because he'd just hit the dog in the face and was about to do it again.

The BIL is a piece of work. Watches his kid try to hurt the dog. Does fuck all. Then tells tales on OP for having to step in.

A lot of dogs would have not taken well to being woken up by a whack in the face, and the second whack in the face (which OP prevented) could have been the straw that broke the camels back. How many times do we read of an awful attack with the distraught owners "he's never ever done anything like this before".

As PP says, of course the parents are cross, they look bad.

Your dog, old, slightly in pain and woken suddenly could have taken a snap out of your nephew’s face - that end result is hideous for everyone involved. So the situation needed stopping quickly and your anxiety at the possible end scenario can sometimes show as anger/ shouting/ pulling the kid.

Maybe you can simply tell your account of the situation like this? That you were really concerned about your DN being hurt and you reacted quickly and abruptly to stop this scenario.

”Apologise” for your parents sake - but say this is why you did it.

@Mmemmare your parents asking you to apologise because they genuinely think you were wrong or is it literally only because your sister has thrown her toys out of the pram?

I didn’t like seeing my elderly dog whacked in the face whilst sleeping

Well, I guess your sister does not like her small son to be treated roughly. Sounds reasonable. He was doing what toddlers do - trying things out in life. You could have dealt with it more kindly.