Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

[Mmemm]

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

Until a child is 3 they are 2. There is no almost about it. It is not like talking about a 5 or a 6 year old. When they are so young literally every month matters developmentally. So your nephew is 2, he will develop so much in the next 4 months before his birthday, so he needs to be regarded as a 2.5 year old at this stage regardless of what you think.

But the child wasn't unsupervised. The father was there. Who did nothing. Said nothing. Let the situation play out and then told the mother who dealt with it. But yes.
OP maybe didn't deal with it in the best way. But why didn't the father say anything at the time?!?! Or actually watch his own child instead of assuming a woman would deal with it?

The father is responsible for the child and dealing with any situations relating to them, including how another adult treats them.
The OP was responsible for her dog.

Even a few months make a huge difference.

exactly!!!!! The child is 2 yrs and 8 months. 4 whole months left of being 2- a third of the total time they will be 2. The child is very much 2.
(in any case a just turned 3 yr old has very little impulse control either)

Totally this.
some of these answers are bat shit.
op did the right thing and could have potentially saved the child from future harm ( if child went on to hit the ‘wrong’ dog) but thanks to op’s quick intervention may think twice.
what do these parents think would happen, eventually if toddler was allowed to continuously hit a dog with a coaster ? Genuine question???
The dog good humourless let’s toddler carry on ……. Or …..??

i think the child should be stopped but I think you were mean to call a toddler ‘mean’.
It was a toddler being a toddler.
I think I would have said ‘Lucky doesn’t like being hit but he likes having his head scratched’ and shown him how to engage with the dog in a loving way.

I think it's disingenuous to refer to a 2 years and 8 months old as "4 months from being 3".

She really wouldn’t. She has seen so much worse. There were parents who locked their children in basements.

The sexism on this thread is palpable and you’re excusing it. The child’s father was in the room and left OP - a non parent - to deal with the situation. That’s shitty parenting but because he’s a man he gets away with offloading his responsibility onto a woman. And then gets to complain about how she handled it !! There was a dog in the room. As the parent he should have been between the child and the dog, keeping an eye on his son and aware of what was happening. Had OP not been in the room the outcome could have been very different.

You do have a certain duty to supervise though if you own a hazard (like a dog) that is accessible in a house that is visited by small children. You're not responsible for supervising the child generally, no, but you are responsible for making sure the hazard created by you doesn't cause harm.

Well look, at the end of the day you are not responsive to people’s suggestions of what you could have done differently, so you believe your reaction was complete fine and would do it again. That’s your prerogative but a large number of people here disagree with you, so you should bear in mind that it’s likely it will be perceived negatively.

your only choice is whether or not you approach it like an adult with your sister, and say “look, I get that you are upset at how I reacted and I’m sorry about that but I only did what I thought was best in the moment. To be honest I wasn’t anticipating having to step in at all since BIL was there so I presumed he was doing the supervising. Can we agree that if you or BIL are in the room, I am not responsible for nephew?”

or you can double down, say you were right and refuse to apologise.

What happens is entirely your call.

I agree totally and you shouldn’t treat a little child like that as you just frighten them.

I'm not sure a 2 year old could grasp that nuance.

We only have ops word though that her brother wasn't supervising. He may have been getting up, about to say something and she jumped in and may not have given him the chance.

Agree that a 2 year old wouldn't grasp the difference, but I'm a bit surprised that all the posters claiming OP threatened her nephew with violence DON'T.

God forbid you criticise a child @Mmemm . Don't you know that here, all children are perfect, should never be denied anything, should not be shouted at nor admonished, even if they are putting themselves in danger, and never commit the cardinal sin of assuming that parents know how to parent.

The ‘hazard’ was asleep on the sofa…. absolutely she needed to supervise the dog

parent needed to supervise and the child. He did not.

You said you don't understand. I said I am not sure why.

You reply to that is "Are you arguing with me for the sake of it? Are you the OP?"

This isn't worth my time..

I’m with the OP too - that was behaviour that absolutely needed to be challenged and stopped and was potentially a hugely dangerous situation (as the dog might have bitten the boy). I’d probably have done the same with my own kids! I don’t think his feeling fear is disproportionate here either, as the dog might well have snapped at him.

4 months in the life of a 2 year old is huge. 2yr 8 months isn’t really almost 3. It’s not the same as 12yr 8 months being nearly 13 yrs.

You can never say a 2yr old knows better. They don’t as they are just learning. At 4yrs they still fall over nothing as they haven’t really fully leaned to co-ordinate their walking.

You are harsh and your reaction was over the top. I assume you don’t have children.

I've already responded to this exact point several times.

I think you were unkind and that’s not how you speak to a 2 year old.

Ah yes. Avoid blaming the man at all costs - OP may have got it wrong. After all, she’s just a woman and he must be right by default.

You dont come across well at all on these posts, so I can imagine in real life you are a bit of a pain. I'm all for discipline but I would not like you manhandling my small child.

We only have the OPs word the dog exists. It might have been a lion, or a sea cucumber. Maybe the two year old was in fact a North Korean general.

I think you were a bit ott in the telling off. So just say that, while reiterating that bil should have kept him away from the dog.
It was his dad that was in the same room, not her sister.