To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

[Flowersandchoc]

I’m in the process of organising my sister’s hen weekend and I’m honestly at the end of my tether with it…

DS has told me the exact itinerary she wants for her hen & given me a shortlist of locations, which I suppose in some ways has made life easier but I can’t help thinking if she has such a clear idea then she should just do it herself !! But of course she won’t because organising a Hen Weekend is a huge amount of effort.

Trying to find a house for 20 people, researching activities & nightlife, booking everything, thinking about logistics, having to dip into savings to pay for everything up front then hoping everyone will pay me back etc etc I’m just honestly sick to the back teeth of it.

AIBU for thinking Brides should organise their own Hens if they want a weekend away? And there is no way Brides would want a Hen Weekend away if they had to arrange the whole thing themselves??

Yep agreed. I organised my own Baby Shower and some people were so shocked about that. I don’t get why the expectation is on others to sort stuff for you. I’d happily organise my own.

Agreed! I have arranged two hen dos for my friends, when it was my turn to get married I openly said I didn’t want to put them through it 😂 I’ve also been in too many hen do group chats where everyone passively argues with each other over the plans. Causes so much bad feeling!

YANBU. I organised my own group meal in a lovely hotel restaurant and bar - reasonable prices, great atmosphere alongside river setting for drinks outside before/after, absolutely no drama. Most would say it’s boring to have a meal and drinks these days for a hen but at least no one was forced into spending £££, pressured into doing activities they don’t want to do, away from their home for days at a time, and taking annual leave etc - just to keep the bride happy.

Organising a hen do these days is so much effort because it’s rarely a meal and a night club in your local town or city, like it used to be.

Brides are busy organising a wedding so I think it’s nice if the hens do some planning. That said, demanding brides with ideas that don’t align with the group’s budgets are the worst.

Agree , let the bride go through the mental gymnastics or even better ,just have a night out at local pub ,few drinks ,a good laugh and everyone goes home and compare hangovers the next day !! I have brilliant pics of my hen night from 30 years ago!!
Met up with friends recently who were there and we had such a bloody good laugh! Crappy restaurant, Chinese Elvis singer ,all dancing ,karaoke with me singing Like a virgin 🥳and just bloody enjoying ourselves. My sister dressed me up from a charity shop,with plastic bouquet. Such fun for everyone.
Cannot understand all the Instagram rubbish that goes on these days!!
Many years later my children from the pics and friends think my Hen night was a legend .

Exactly,read my post!

I actually wish I'd organised mine, my friend offered and then did something totally different to what I'd wanted (basically dinner at mine with my friends, not out doing kareoke),

SiL asked me to organise her hen do, luckily in the UK, and only 10 people. I managed to get a good price on 2 nights in an hotel, organised an Edwardian barge with luxury pic-nic, and club for the evening.
I sent out a breakdown of costs, which worked out to about £150 each, everybody was happy; then other SiL declared that it could be held in her holiday home. By the time we had all paid for food that we needed to supply, then a meal out, travelling to and from by taxi, and of course, had to pay SiL for the electricity and use of her home, we all had to take our own bed linen and towels, it actually cost more. I vowed I would never organise another hen do.

I arranged my own hen. I told everyone we were going down the pub on X day and please join me. Bloody good night.

In this case, as she has such fixed ideas about what she wants to do, it does sound like it would make more sense for your sister to organise it herself.

That's not how it has worked on hen dos I've been on. Usually the bride gives a rough idea of what she'd like to do. The bridesmaids work out the details and throw in a few surprises.

I know they are busy organising the wedding but I do feel the expectation of someone else arranging a whole weekend away is too much, - I’m putting my baby to bed each night then spending ages doing hen do research !!

I wish I'd organised mine, what they chose for me was bloody awful, like literally the worst they could have chosen for me! I really did not enjoy it at all and upset me at how little they knew me. They all love the same thing, which I hate.

I think it would take away a lot of stress if the bride organised her own hen.

It’s often the ones who want the surprise who are the most difficult to please in my experience. The ones who organise it themselves are usually more straightforward.

I organise my own hen booked the train tickets, hotel, cocktail making. My sister booked the restaurant and organised games. We had a great weekend.

Oh no! I’m intrigued by what they organised that was so bad.

I’m really worried that DS will be disappointed if I don’t get it how she imagined. It’s so much pressure.

Absolutely yes op. And as an invitee, I’d much rather be responding / speaking about plans to my friend .. the bride.. rather than someone I don’t know as well, if at all. So many times I’ve been on hens where someone’s organising it who I’ve never met. It’s so off putting and makes the whole thing feel more anxious somehow.

Put a WhatsApp group together for all attendees and set out the initial plan I.e dates, location, basically whatever details are concrete.

Put polls up for things you need help deciding on I.e theme nights, location, dates or budget etc if those are not set in stone.

Get payment upfront before you book. Don’t dip into your savings as there are always drop outs!

I organised my own hen day/evening. There is absolutely no need for a whole weekend of it!

I didn’t feel like I could do this because it’s such a large group and I’m sure everyone would have different opinions and I don’t want my sister to think I’ve not put enough effort into it 😞

Really hoping everyone does pay me back as I’m on maternity leave so no way of replacing savings now - they all said they are committed but DS said I need to give everyone a couple of months notice so they’ve all got chance to save for it which I suppose makes sense but means I’m the one out of pocket for it until they pay.

Agreed but don't do it and let her do it

I agree with you. Me and my sister arranged mine together, it was great fun tbh! I think brides often forget bridesmaids have busy lives too! If they are so stuck on what they want where is the surprise anyway?

I agree when someone has a really clear idea of what they want, it means the person organising is just doing all of the shitty admin. It made sense when hen dos tended to be local nights out with 'surprises' on who was coming etc because it wasn't a huge task really but added a special element for the hen.

You'd be mad to pay before receiving their money though, I'd honestly be firm that if they don't pay by x date they sadly can't come- you will definitely be out of pocket or spending time and energy chasing people.

Yikes, I feel your pain but I’m not sure I’d be forking out loads of my own money and hoping people will pay me back. Can’t you send out a request for a preliminary £100 each and go from there?

I’d be paying nothing for your sisters friends either? They either pay up front or your DS pays for them.

I have categorically never ever been on a hen doo I haven’t paid upfront for xx