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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

114 replies

Flowersandchoc · 09/05/2025 22:13

I’m in the process of organising my sister’s hen weekend and I’m honestly at the end of my tether with it…

DS has told me the exact itinerary she wants for her hen & given me a shortlist of locations, which I suppose in some ways has made life easier but I can’t help thinking if she has such a clear idea then she should just do it herself !! But of course she won’t because organising a Hen Weekend is a huge amount of effort.

Trying to find a house for 20 people, researching activities & nightlife, booking everything, thinking about logistics, having to dip into savings to pay for everything up front then hoping everyone will pay me back etc etc I’m just honestly sick to the back teeth of it.

AIBU for thinking Brides should organise their own Hens if they want a weekend away? And there is no way Brides would want a Hen Weekend away if they had to arrange the whole thing themselves??

OP posts:
ZepherinDrouhin · 12/05/2025 00:06

I had a group of friends round my house for a henna party, music and food. I booked 2 henna artists, one for me & one for guests to get their henna done. I bought a load of face packs & beauty treatments so people could gave a pamper session.

There wasn't any drama & minimal cost which was a bonus; people still compliment me about it being one of the nicest hen parties they've been to. It wasn't your traditional boozy hen do but that's not my style anyway.

mondaytosunday · 12/05/2025 01:24

I think the whole idea of hen weekends should be ditched. I didn’t have one. A night out if you have to do something.

laraitopbanana · 12/05/2025 06:18

A huge amount of effort?

wow…I mean I suppose that as you are part of the bridal party, you are close to her…I read “DS” so I assume you are the future DH’s mom?

It is unusual for the mom to organize…more of the best woman job normally but…if you said yes…I would do the best you can as it will start the relationship with her! I bet she will organize her future holidays don’t worry!

BlondiePortz · 12/05/2025 06:22

Cynic17 · 11/05/2025 19:10

Or maybe brides could just accept that nobody needs a hen weekend, and that they should just concentrate on welcoming their guests to the actual wedding, which is the only bit that matters

I dont disagree but people still go along and dont say no

Mumof2girls2121 · 12/05/2025 06:33

Flowersandchoc · 10/05/2025 09:08

@CatrionaBalfour every hen I’ve been on has been free for the bride

I can see that if it’s a night out but the more extravagant these weekends get the more I think the bride should contribute. By the time the hen do, wedding, hotel, outfit, gift etc etc people end up with the cost of a family holiday.

whynotmereally · 12/05/2025 06:37

I organised mine, I chatted to my two best friends about it and bounced ideas but I arranged it. My friends did plan some quizzes /games and a outfit (not jokey more activity appropriate) which was lovely

MayaPinion · 12/05/2025 06:42

I think the MoH should organise it BUT it should be contained to dinner and drinks - I.e. book the local Italian and a booth at The Pink Flamingo, not a week in Ibiza with £500 sunbeds, 6 meals in Michelin starred restaurants, spa treatments, cocktail making sessions and pole dancing classes. If the bride does want that it would be better to go with just a few close friends as a pre wedding holiday that they organise together.

mum11970 · 12/05/2025 06:53

laraitopbanana · 12/05/2025 06:18

A huge amount of effort?

wow…I mean I suppose that as you are part of the bridal party, you are close to her…I read “DS” so I assume you are the future DH’s mom?

It is unusual for the mom to organize…more of the best woman job normally but…if you said yes…I would do the best you can as it will start the relationship with her! I bet she will organize her future holidays don’t worry!

In this case the OP is referring to her sister, not her son when she says DS

Original poster
Flowersandchoc · 12/05/2025 07:20

laraitopbanana · 12/05/2025 06:18

A huge amount of effort?

wow…I mean I suppose that as you are part of the bridal party, you are close to her…I read “DS” so I assume you are the future DH’s mom?

It is unusual for the mom to organize…more of the best woman job normally but…if you said yes…I would do the best you can as it will start the relationship with her! I bet she will organize her future holidays don’t worry!

It’s my sister as per the first line in my OP… and yes organising a weekend away for 20 people I don’t know, is a huge effort. Aside from finding a venue big enough, I’ve had to put together a whole agenda for the weekend, sort the menu, work out all the logistics for getting to and from places, keep track of a budget etc etc.

I just feel that if a Bride wants the full weekend away then they should organise
It instead of delegating to their MOH. Or at least do it together.

My sister did arrange my hen for me, but all I wanted was a dinner so you can’t really compare organising a dinner to a weekend away

OP posts:
laraitopbanana · 12/05/2025 07:54

Flowersandchoc · 12/05/2025 07:20

It’s my sister as per the first line in my OP… and yes organising a weekend away for 20 people I don’t know, is a huge effort. Aside from finding a venue big enough, I’ve had to put together a whole agenda for the weekend, sort the menu, work out all the logistics for getting to and from places, keep track of a budget etc etc.

I just feel that if a Bride wants the full weekend away then they should organise
It instead of delegating to their MOH. Or at least do it together.

My sister did arrange my hen for me, but all I wanted was a dinner so you can’t really compare organising a dinner to a weekend away

Show quote history

Ahhh DS is dear Sister!

yeah I mean...I am not sure it does changes anything I said. You have been asked to be part of the party and you said yes?
surely you know your sister and what she likes/dislikes so you were aware hopefully on what you were getting yourself into? If you agreed on the pretence that you won’t do more than what you have asked...you shouldn’t have accepted. It isn’t for you to decide whatever she wants for her wedding....

Back out if you want/feel she asks too much but it is defo part of the things you should do and be prepared for her to be rightly so annoyed with you. It is HER day so you should do what she asks...it is only one day :/
If she starts to be unreasonable just say that she needs another person to be added so it all can be done but do whatever you agreed on already.

Good luck 👌🏼

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/05/2025 08:04

Echo others, there are always ones who don't pay back. You can't be expected to sub them. You do need to get payment before you book, at least for the main accommodation

Original poster
Flowersandchoc · 12/05/2025 08:34

MayaPinion · 12/05/2025 06:42

I think the MoH should organise it BUT it should be contained to dinner and drinks - I.e. book the local Italian and a booth at The Pink Flamingo, not a week in Ibiza with £500 sunbeds, 6 meals in Michelin starred restaurants, spa treatments, cocktail making sessions and pole dancing classes. If the bride does want that it would be better to go with just a few close friends as a pre wedding holiday that they organise together.

Totally agree - I think there is a huge difference between organising an evening out vs a whole weekend. It’s really stressful & a lot of work.

OP posts:
Oblongofdreams · 12/05/2025 13:15

This is all alien to me! I got married almost 25 years ago and there was none of this then. I had 3 separate hen nights (family, work colleagues, close friends) and they were adapted / suitable for those specific groups and their tastes and budgets. One was literally just a meal in a chain restaurant, one was a meal and drinks, and the other was a bit of a wild night out in a club. I organised them all myself 100% and couldn't have imagined expecting people to pay £100s to go abroad or for an activity weekend etc!
I think my experience (or at least, just a night out) was the norm up until about 10-15 years ago. Although, saying that, my husband did go abroad for 2 nights for his stag do, as did his brother 5 or so years later.
It seems to me that brides these days are becoming more and more entitled in their expectations. Weekends (sometimes even weeks) away, expensive activities, not to mention that they expect everyone else to pay for them. Not sure what the answer is, but I agree with you OP, if a bride wants something specific for her hen do, she should organise it herself.

Bowies · 13/05/2025 00:25

I quite enjoyed doing it and saw it as a privilege to be asked and brides have a lot to do. I was also very grateful to my friends for organising mine (joint effort).

It’s helpful to the bride if someone else can take it on, but in your situation of having a new baby and BF, of course a nightmare and would have said no in your situation.

Is is too late to ask someone else to take over, as it’s too much for you? Too stressful and you need to be resting when you have down time not planning a hen.

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