To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

[Flowersandchoc]

I’m in the process of organising my sister’s hen weekend and I’m honestly at the end of my tether with it…

DS has told me the exact itinerary she wants for her hen & given me a shortlist of locations, which I suppose in some ways has made life easier but I can’t help thinking if she has such a clear idea then she should just do it herself !! But of course she won’t because organising a Hen Weekend is a huge amount of effort.

Trying to find a house for 20 people, researching activities & nightlife, booking everything, thinking about logistics, having to dip into savings to pay for everything up front then hoping everyone will pay me back etc etc I’m just honestly sick to the back teeth of it.

AIBU for thinking Brides should organise their own Hens if they want a weekend away? And there is no way Brides would want a Hen Weekend away if they had to arrange the whole thing themselves??

I can see how hen dos have morphed into these big things. You don't have that nice little group living locally so at least some have to travel even if it's just a modest night out. Because people are having to travel you might as well make a trip of this. If most people have to travel might as well travel abroad and make a holiday.

Personally I prefer going to a simple hen do but I can see why the decision isn't always simple.

I never had one. It's self indulgent, forced-fun crap.

I organised my own. I wanted an affordable evening where the younger ones could skiddle off to a club if they fancied it, but older ones (dm, aunts) were accommodated as well.

I was very clear what I wanted to do. Meet early evening, meal, drinks around the town centre.

Vile sil took over. Booked a 'VIP' section of a pub I wasn't that bothered about, decorated it etc. We all ended up staying there most of the night. I went with the flow cos was happy drunk but looking back it wasn't what I wanted and would have had more fun on a bit of a pub crawl. It was a surprise so knew nothing about it and would have vetoed people having to contribute to stupid balloons and decorations.

I rather think it would make more sense really, it can be both stressful and expensive to organise but then, I do also think it’s a lovely thing to do for a close friend to show how much you care etc. I’m on the fence!

Bloody wish I had organised my own to be honest, my sisters resented being there at all yet insisted on organising my hen, completely sidelining my friends who would’ve done so much more, so I got one good day out but only the absolute bare minimum actually organised, a really crap cheap option for accommodation that didn’t even actually sleep everyone comfortably and nothing else planned or even researched for the rest of the weekend. I was pretty upset and I’m not one for buying into the whole bridezilla movement. It all just felt very low effort… because it was.

I organised mine. Asked my friends along, booked us tickets for an exhibition, asked the girls to book their own hotel for the night - premier inn. We went out for dinner - not booked just went early, went for a drink in a rooftop bar, and the back to the hotel. Breakfast in the morning, a walk for those staying around, home after a snack for those who hadn't eaten so much Breakfast they didn't need any more food. It was lovely and small and low key. Oh just remembered we went for brunch in Fortnums ice cream parlour too.

I'm great at planning so happily volunteer to organise all hen dos and baby showers. Every group needs a planner!

You are being incredibly stupid to pay for things in the hopes of getting it back OP. You need to stop doing that immediately. I can guarantee you you will not get all 20 people's money.

I never understood hend and stag dos. Just go for a nice dinner or go out for a night and be down with it.

Doesn't need to be stressful and bride/groom should organise

This is the problem. Instead of a fun evening, it's a bloody holiday! I think people nowadays have bigger disposable incomes than we had 30/40 years ago, but still. Some of the hen do threads on here are batshit.

That sounds nice, but obviously not low cost, could all your friends afford it?

I was MOH for my best friend 30 odd years ago, and I organised the hen do. We started off at home where we played some games (nothing too outlandish - this was the early 1990s), then I booked a really fancy restaurant and then we went on to the clubs. Most family and friends lived local as she was marrying a local, a handful travelled.

Times have changed though, my DD is getting married soon, she's not having a hen do abroad but she has organised a weekend break in London. All her friends/family are spread out across the country so it makes sense to have it somewhere central. If she organised somewhere local numbers would be lower. DD is driving it but her MOH is assisting with the logistics / admin.

OP, you really shouldnt be dipping into your own savings, that is madness. Your sister should be reinbursing you for those that dont pay up.

I think the expectation that a hen do is a weekend away has got out of hand. The expense is insane. We need to get back to it being an evening and maybe an afternoon.
Pretty much all my friends are married now, but there’s no way you’d catch me doing a whole weekend hen do any more. I’m also teetotal and given they tend to be structured entirely around drinking I find them pretty tedious.

I’ve had deposits from everyone but it’s everything else that I’ve had to pay for up front.

I’m now trying to work out how much food everyone is going to need - honestly forget everyone covering the brides costs, it should be the MOH that goes free as payment for all the time they’ve spent organising !

I agree with you, @readingmakesmehappy . If all your mates live far away? It's not complusory to get everyone together in a hotel for a weekend. Just have something smaller locally.

Eh? Why does the bride go on a holiday for free?!

I’m breastfeeding so won’t be drinking so dreading that aspect too as you’re right it’s just an excuse for people to drink loads

@CatrionaBalfourif all your mates live far away what’s wrong with people crashing on sofas with people locally or booking a cheap B&B/Premier Inn? Then people who want can have a nice brunch the next morning.

@CatrionaBalfour every hen I’ve been on has been free for the bride

Why? Is that in lieu of a wedding gift?

My cousin organised mine but it was literally a meal out in a local restaurant and drinks afterwards in town. This was in 2004. I feel like things got crazy shortly after this, and I'm glad I got married before the madness set in!

Exactly. However, like I said, I think people nowadays have much more of a disposable income for this sort of thing, and don't baulk at spending £ hundreds

If she's going to be that prescriptive she should do it herself. You're not the organiser, you're the middle manager which is the worst of both worlds.

If it's so elaborate that people are having to save for it, I'm afraid there is quite a high risk of drop outs. Try and get the money. Even just a polite request if anyone is able to pay now to help you out with cashflow while on mat leave. Every £ you get off them reduces your exposure, and no harm then knowing they would be completely shafting you if they don't pay up. I'd be mortified expecting anyone to save up for my hen!

Why do you need to sort the food? Are there no other bridesmaids you can delegate to? Tell people to bring what they want. You're making this even harder than it was to begin with.

That's an excellent point.

Yep-I wouldn't agree to organise anyone else hen night. The bride is the one that knows everyone the best and is also the one who wants things done in a certain way. It's her job to do (and yes, I did my own).