Have women become soft

[peeweehill]

Hear me first ive just got in from having a chat to my neighbour shes almost 80 really sweet lady known her for years.
Well we was having a natter while she was waiting for her daughter to arrive (she`s going away for the weekend) and i said something how society has changed a lot and how far technology has come.

She agreed it was all for the best and how we would of loved it back in the day. She then said the biggest thing that she as noticed the most is that women are getting softer.
I said what do you mean she replied with we all used to be tough as nails now most are gone soft.
Before i could reply her daughter arrived she said catch up when i get home on monday.

Now im waiting for monday lol😆
It got me thinking have us women got softer.🤔
Some of what i read on MN i think she may have a point i think i dont know.
What do you netters think.

I think the war generations were far tougher at a more fundamental level. Look at the wailing over lockdown. Wfh, box set on the sofa in the evening.,

Perhaps she meant people appear to not be resilient and pragmatic anymore. It seems to me that people come up against the smallest of problems and challenges and it's like the world has ended. Luckily I've never been like that as I just get on with it and being in my late 50s as a poster above said, I don't give a shiny shit either.

I ld say the old neighbour had an annoying convo with her daughter, and was passive aggressively lashing out.

She sounds like a mysogynist, that age cohort have very toxic traits and coping strategies. Women were supposed to be silently stronger than men, to quietly carry family burdens. It was an unfair system ingrained into their sense of social justice.

When I got cancer some people marvelled because I didn't break down. "Because they would". Well, what's the point? You can't just act out because bad things happen to you or things don't go your way.

I realize that some things happened in my childhood that meant that the rose coloured glasses got ripped off in an early age and I toughened up but I do wonder about some people's lack of resilience.

I can understand it if it has just been one thing after another and they haven't caught a break for a long time but if they have tried hardship before and have been ok for a long time and then something doesn't go their way they really should be able to cope without being overly dramatic about it.

Whereas my grandmother worked full time during the war with 2 kids. Husband was away in the navy and she had rationing and no labour saving devices

I think people in general have gotten softer in some ways.

My grandma is in her 80's and still scrubs her floors on her hands and knees multiple times a week (despite us offering help). I happily run a steam mop around when I feel it's needed. Dishwashers, kitchen appliances, partners that share in housework and childcare, less pressure to have a spotless home, cars, access to the internet ... lots of things make life physically easier these days. I wouldn't want to trade places.

DH's grandad used to walk miles to work in a mine all day, then walk home again after. I'd say DH's desk job has definitely made him physically softer, but I bet he wouldn't swap either.

@peeweehill be interesting to see what she thinks about what men have become?
The men walk away and refuse to pay a penny towards their own children.

Or the men who judge women by their tits and willingness to shag them?

And what does she mean by soft? That women won't put up with a bit of sexual harassment, slap on the bottom from the boss at work, anymore?

Or to not wait on a grown man at home to make his life all easy whilst also working a full time job and still, in 2025, being expected to cover the lion's share of domestic and childrearing?

It would be beneficial for all women of all generations if there was less judgement between each other, but that's never going to happen.

So it depends on what her definition of "become soft" means. Losing your marbles over a broken nail or the doorbell going, or not putting up with you know just a touch of domestic violence at home. Big difference.

Both men and women have without a doubt. It's getting worse too. Think 20 year olds filming themselves crying because they did a days work.

Yes. All the “be kind” nonsense has left some women without boundaries or the resilience to say no or call out bullshit.

Multiple posts on here daily where people are unable to use their words to say no to someone or speak up.

The be kind phrase was more about not bullying and not being nasty to people. Completely different to not being able to say no or not having boundaries.

In some instances yes, they definitely weren’t trying to work professional jobs with very young children. They got jobs when their children were in school. Their family finances weren’t dependent on their incomes. They didn’t breastfeed, expectations on child rearing were very different.

My grandmothers had children in the 60s, it wasn’t THAT long ago.

A lot of women had no choice but to be tough and resilient, dealing with feckless husbands and endless pregnancies, raising children, stretching meals, baking from scratch, doing domestic work for extra income, mending clothing and shoes, working age 13/14.

Thankfully life has become easier for many women, not all obviously.

In general, life in the UK is easier now than it was during and immediately after the war. I would have thought that was fairly obvious!

It doesn't mean that no-one at that time had an easy life or that no-one now has a hard life, we're talking at population level. My Nana smoked 40 a day and was fit and able into her late 80's, doesn't mean smoking is good for you does it?!

So two incomes then.

@FedupofArsenalgamemy last post appears confrontational so I apologise because actually I think I agree with others that I don’t think it’s women who have become soft, it’s men. So many more women are doing the double shift like your grandmother and I, carrying the mental load, whilst their partners simply must go cycling or play golf.

Doesn't mean that she has any help with kids, house etc. my dad was born in 1939 and only saw his father twice before he was 7

Haha- I lived without all of those bar central heating and a washing machine until about 8 years ago and I’ve never used Amazon Prime in my life. My nan had a microwave in the 80s I think.

In those days woman worked in domestic roles because often the men kept the money for alcohol.

My father's mother was a very tough strong woman but she had zero support with 11 DC from her DH. He was a chronic alcohol. She sold cakes at the weekend, worked in the hospital cleaning in the day.

My mother's mother, was softer, never worked, husband sent money often from working in the UK, he came home yearly to get her pregnant, 10 DC.

Thank god we now have contraception

Possibly because some of us had parents who lived then, so their experiences impacted on our lives. My mum was born pre WWI, my gran who I remember, was born in the 1870s. I was born 1940s, my kids 1970s, DGC are teens. Two generations before and after, and relevant to my life experience.

@SmoothRoads mentioned that women stayed in horrible relationships. I don’t know what went on in my father’s family, but I know his parents separated in the 1920s when he was a teenager, and he had to leave school and get a job to support his mother. His father had plenty of money, he owned a couple of shops and some flats. I heard she suffered badly with arthritis, probably had no skills other than being a wife. Women had little entitlement, men had so much power. Shame and respectability featured far more then too, and there were men who left their wives and children with nothing, that’s not new.

Welfare benefits and contraception have been game changers for women.

Maybe but it’s largely luck and gov policy at the time.

Or the fact that they consistently voted to pull up the ladder.

Evidence please. I am not aware, ever, of having done so. I will admit I'm not a fan of huge housing developments but when I last looked, 64000 properties were standing empty in London alone.

Evidence is readily available given how boomers voted for Brexit and the Tories in vast numbers over the years.

Voted happily to get rid off student grants, dissolve the welfare state, underfund the NHS and take us out of the EU with all the advantages that had. All the things they benefited from with their triple locked pensions.

Ok, this is hearsay. You might know some people with those views. They are not necessarily boomers.
When did we vote on student grants? Tory policy? Never voted Tory in my life.
Evidence that boomers wanted to dissolve the welfare state? Never seen that one. Loony Reform voters possibly.
Dunno about Brexit, massive, absolutely massive lack of understand of the repercussions, I think.
Don’t like being credited with actions and viewpoints I absolutely do not hold.
please stop the generalisations, it’s irritating.