Have women become soft

[peeweehill]

Hear me first ive just got in from having a chat to my neighbour shes almost 80 really sweet lady known her for years.
Well we was having a natter while she was waiting for her daughter to arrive (she`s going away for the weekend) and i said something how society has changed a lot and how far technology has come.

She agreed it was all for the best and how we would of loved it back in the day. She then said the biggest thing that she as noticed the most is that women are getting softer.
I said what do you mean she replied with we all used to be tough as nails now most are gone soft.
Before i could reply her daughter arrived she said catch up when i get home on monday.

Now im waiting for monday lol😆
It got me thinking have us women got softer.🤔
Some of what i read on MN i think she may have a point i think i dont know.
What do you netters think.

It was tough but in a different way - a working class woman born in 1945 life would have been very different to ours, there was still an expectation that woman shouldn't work, the house should be spotless with no modern labour saving devices, no right to money of her own and husbands could get away with domestic abuse, plus there was still food rationing until the 1950's and food costed a lot more in terms of income. That said our lives in 2025 come with pressures of their own.

Well I’m a social worker, have dc with Sen and ND, live with daily pain (arthritis and I’m 30), have no family support and was neglected growing up. The women of previous generations in my family may have had to wash a terry nappy (although I did use them just a couple of years ago but that’s my choice) but they had it far easier than I do. I was actually thinking earlier how much easier they had it and how soft my mum, grandmothers and aunts were, always moaning about how hard done to they were, despite being born into money. Soft and selfish the lot of them. What a waste.
I know that’s my family but it’s the same for my colleagues and friends. We all work stressful and impossible jobs, manage homes, dc and all sorts, with little to no help.

My social work colleagues, who are women, are the toughest and most resilient people I have ever known. Not many people can do that job and juggle life too. I doubt the women of past generations did that with no help from wider family/their village.

Most women of the past were Sahm able to buy a house on dh one salary. Had a village etc. Every single older woman I know had help raising dc and doing chores etc. They talk about going round to each other’s houses watching day time telly. Working jobs that were simple if they did work. My grandmother simply walked into her seamstress job after being shown how to use a machine by a neighbour. Health care was easily accessible, health visitors came round often and would carry out health care in the home. They walked to the green grocers but it was 5 mins away. The focus on dc was less intense and they sent dc out to play for hours from very young ages. Not many ran around catering for dc, playing with them, taking them to clubs etc. Dc went to school and were picked up that’s it…there was no constant stream of communication and school events. Dc had free lunches that every one was expected to eat, no pack lunches to do. Support staff picked up a lot of the extra needs stuff that parents now have to do. Dc got into special schools easily..no draining fight for ehcps and constant criticism if your dc struggled. I could probably go on all night pointing out examples….Maybe women seem softer today because we have it harder so we seem less resilient when we are on our knees.

On MN alone, people post here everytime someone knocks on their door and ask if they should open it, because, well, who could it possibly be? All sort of emotions kick in and it’s such a spectacle.

Parenting is such a drama, because people today are the first generation ever to have children. It’s such an achievement and no one from previous generations has any idea how to raise children. How dare your mother or mother in law ever express any opinion about any aspect of your child’s life. And if, they dare give your 77.563738 month old a sip of coffee or tea or let the sniff any sweets, you must report them to social straightaway. Or get the said 77.563738 month old to do gargles.

Call 101 for everything. You hear that? Neighbour parked badly? Call 101. Husband didn’t put the bins out. Call 101. You broke a toenail? You get the picture.

I think this is correct, and in addition I'd say that our culture seems to encourage softness, complaining, and being a victim. It's a great way to get attention apart from anything else.

I read an article a while back on a related but different topic, and the author mentioned how in the past people would manage physical pain that today would be considered completely impossible to cope with. Not that I think it's great to experience pain (I am in the middle of a serious attack of piles at the moment and would willingly trade it for quite a lot of cash,) but it does seem that a lot of people don't seem to realize it is possible to function under very adverse circumstances if you really have to.

Agree

I’m soft as a squishmallow.
Most women in the past (ie the silent generation and earlier) had to put up with so much shit and heartache.
but baby boomers? Nah, they had it fucking easy

I often wonder how people would survive if they lost the "creature comforts". Not many would be able to keep themselves alive, not least of which because they have next to no common sense or ability to problem solve. Having no other options makes people resourceful and capable. There's still people these days with those skills but a lot of modern society relies on others to carry them along.

I agree. Just look at all the competitive hygiene posts on here, showering 2+ times a day, washing towels and garments after every wear, they couldn't possibly do without that. Those people wouldn't cope at all in the face of a natural disaster or some other catastrophe, and goodness knows how many would cope if they had to give/rely on help from complete strangers, who they would let nowhere near them in normal circumstances. You are so right about so many having next to no common sense or ability to problem solve - all you have to do is read many of the current threads on MN.

Yawn ....... (very apt username btw).

yep , there’s always one .

OMG couldn’t have said it better myself. You absolutely nailed it.

I think it’s a complete lack of resiliency at times, entitlement as being heard means getting what you want (it doesn’t) and never letting kids deal with bad stuff.

And the need to catastrophise - it isn’t a mental health issue if you are feeling a bit down one day.

I think people are less resilient and less willing to tough it out.

Well, it depends on the meaning really - I was brought up by a single Mum who worked, so I was brought up knowing how to budget alongside everything else - my DD12 can make herself a salad or ready meal but wouldn’t make a meal for herself; that is my failing as a Mum though as I should have been teaching her well before now, as my Mum did for us.
soft? I’m not so sure about that - if that means being able to talk about feelings, then yes I hope so.
both my Gran and Grandma actually lived through horrible marriages & lives (which I found out about after they had died). I’d rather be seen as ‘soft’ for not putting up and shutting up with some of the treatment that my Grans went through.

Resilience is an interesting point to bring up actually, and I come from this from the opposite standpoint.
my DD has always been aware of death and trauma, her sister died before she was born so she has always been aware that death is part of life.
ie I haven’t shielded her from anything - I have had a mental breakdown due to PTSD, which led to redundancy; me and her Dad split up when she was young - see the above.
i haven’t ever expected special treatment for her, until she started displaying very obvious ASD traits, and she clearly masked them until she came home to me and had melt downs.
i try to teach her resilience, as do her DD & DSD but that can only go so far if she can’t mentally cope with it.
if you don’t have experience of kids that struggle, please don’t comment.

We aren't talking about kids like your DD, the majority don't struggle - or wouldn't if they were taught to develop a bit of resilience.

I'm sorry your DD is struggling, but why oh why do posters come on threads like this to say. but, but. but ..............

Could be a bit of internalised misogyny coming from your neighbour. Women have become softer? It’s a shame you didn’t get to ask her what she thinks about men?

I think she's right.

Alot of older women have a real no nonsense attitude. But i don't think 'going soft' is a bad thing because some of them were not very nice in the workplace etc.

Somewhere in between would be a happy medium

Maybe she was talking about parenting style? I can see how an 80 year old might think mums are much softer these days.

I thought of that thread too. When DF was born, his mum raised him for months alone before his dad even met him because he was off on a military tour. She just got on with it.

The woman yesterday was outraged that her husband was going to be away visiting his elderly and unwell mother for one day, and how did he expect her to cope.

I used to chop kindling with an axe as a kid in the 1950s. I’m not ‘hard’, but I think I’m fairly resilient. Having to light a coal fire first thing, often the only source of heat and hot water is not for the faint hearted.

My mum was widowed in her 50s, after not having had a job after marriage. Although my dad had a good job, they never bought a house, and there was no company pension. She got a widow’s pension, but it wasn’t much so she went out cleaning. She would have considered herself better off than many widows or abandoned wives (divorce was rare) in previous generations, who ended up in the workhouse. No universal credit or PIP.

DH often used to work away for days at a time when our DC were babies, two under under two. Housework, cooking and even shopping was much more arduous 50 years ago. Getting our first auto washing machine, first freezer and microwave were events, and central heating is the norm now, not the exception. So I understand where the OPs neighbour is coming from. I’m pleased however that over my lifetime women have had far more freedoms, more choice in terms of careers, and whether or not to have babies!

I think that they were probably physically stronger and fitter, all thst walking and no washing machines etc.

But I don't really think they were much more mentally resilient. Valium was huge in the 50s. Gin was called mothers little helper lots of people smoked.

My mother and I are softies compared to the generation before. My granny's had no electricity until 1950s (rural Ireland), no flush toilets and no appliances. One granny was a farmer and did her own butchery too.
Washing clothes by hand, scrubbing floors, cooking on peat fired ranges and killing your own chicken for dinner is hard. They were tough women who rarely complained and had serious arthritis making all the manual labour hard.
I think of them every time I get someone to load the dishwasher for me as my arthritis is making it hard to bend.

My mum was a teenager during the war.she lamented the lack of nice clothes,sweets and treats and being sent to live with an Aunt miles away! This only lasted 2 weeks as she was homesick.DGM was struggling with running a house on rations.life is easier in many ways now of course, but people struggle differently, Thete is more pressure to work a d care for DC, less respect for women and girls

She was being derogatory about younger women, whilst waiting on her (presumably soft) daughter picking her up and taking her away for the weekend. I wouldn’t be too sure she’s worth a 2nd listen. OP you do realise she was also describing you?

Maybe but that one would be worth unpicking.

Too many these days can't cope. Can't cope with looking after children alone for 24 hours, can't manage to go to the shop during term time because they have the children to look after, can't cope because they have a toddler and have to walk a mile to take a 5 year old to school. We have men that can't cope with fatherhood, they either spend midweek evenings or whole days of the weekend out playing on their bikes or they walk out the door into the arms of another woman because the mother of their children asked them to load the dishwasher and empty the bin. Yes, i think we have gone very soft