To say no to Daughter carrying someone else’s bag at DofE

[DrSeuss84]

My 14 year old Daughter is about to do bronze Duke of Edinburgh in a weeks time. This is the first time she has done anything like this. She is quite slim and petite for her age.

I read that they should only carry a certain amount of their body weight so have been super selective and spent a lot of money buying lightweight items and researching the lightest possible gear.

At the practice run a lot of girls had much heavier bags. Some were packing skin care and makeup and other non necessities.

she doesn’t know the girls in her group but they all know each other and are an established friendship group.

Tomight she got a message from them saying they had all decided and agreed that they are going to bring a bag weighing device and weigh each bag and whoever has the lightest bag will have to swap bags with someone else on the second day to make it fair.

it was quite a direct message in the tone of “everyone has already agreed and it would be unfair if you say no”

My initial instinct was ‘no way’ Everyone packs what they want but we didn’t worked hard to get your bag light only for you to lug someone else’s bag around for 11 miles!

DD she is worried this will have her outcast from the group and turn them against her making the whole two days uncomfortable and isolating for her.

I don’t know how to tackle this at all. What would you do?

My son had similar issues - he’s small and slim and had a very heavy bag but a large lad couldn’t manage his own body weight plus his bag and they were instructed to carry it for him with their own. I was not happy! My son arrived home in a state close to physical collapse, it had been sweltering hot too.
for his silver and gold he did it via air cadets not school and no more issues.

I’d ask her to reply back that she’s happy to swap group equipment to keep things fair but not her own stuff.

say she has a back problem and hence has a specific bag that she’s allowed to carry.

Definitely agree with this. No way would it be allowed to carry other people's bags.

In my last school the DofE Leader would weigh each individual bag before the expedition to ensure they didn't exceed the individual's weight limit. Any excess items (usually make up, cosmetic products 🙄 and other unnecessary stuff etc) would be compulsorily removed before leaving the school building to keep the weight down further.
The checklists would also be reviewed by the DofE coordinators to ensure all the necessary items were in the bags.😁

Pop a couple of bricks in her bag at weighing time which she can throw away subtly later 🤣

What's that even about, that's why it's YOUR own bag, so YOU carry it. She should only be carrying her bag, others bags are not her responsibility.

Also I have 3 daughters who are very slim but some girls now are like German shot put throwers.

As a teacher I would recommend you speak to the organiser and I’m sure they can make it clear that no one must carry anyone else’s bags as some sort of rule- doubt they will go looking up Duke of Edinburgh terms and conditions! They group won’t know it’s her as she’s not the only one in the group

Put 2 x 2 litre bottles of water in your daughters bag, when they weigh the bags hers will be heavy … she can then drink the water or just tip it out in the bushes during the walk.

The title of your post is a lie. She’s not being asked to carry somebody else’s bag, just (potentially) some items from other girls bags. If the rest of the group is an established friendship group she’s not going to be able to impose your rules on it. Is she the smallest person there? Maybe this is something that they’ve all previously discussed and agreed to? Soldiers carry close to their body weight in backpacks, they’re not all crippled by it.

In short, if you want to ruin her trip, go ahead and complain. She’ll have a miserable time when they all ignore her for not being prepared to help others out.

Alternatively, just pack a few stones in the bag for the weigh in, and then throw them away once it’s over.

could she message the group saying “ that’s fine but,before the trip, can everyone check their bags for unnecessary extra weight? I’ve done that with mine and it weighs X pounds. How do yours compare?”
I think this will show that she’s a team player without being a pushover.

Teenage girls eh?. It's a straight no

Think I would take this to the group leaders. There are also practical considerations about different backpacks being a better fit for different people, ideally you’ll have a backpack that suits your body.

No, absolutely not- you pack it , you carry it.

No harm in mentioning to organisers that your DD is petite and can't carry as heavy a load as others.
She needs to tell her friends "no point swapping our bags as whoever has lightest bag gets more equipment anyway." If you're worried about weight I can give you tips on lighter sleeping bags etc."

You've actually quoted the OP's post where it says whoever has the lightest bag will have to swap bags with someone else on the second day, then said she's not being asked to carry someone else's bag?

You go on to say Maybe this is something that they’ve all previously discussed and agreed to?, well looks more like the other girls may have discussed this between themselves but not with OP's daughter, so she's not agreed to it just been presented with a fait accompli.

Soldiers carry close to their body weight in backpacks, they’re not all crippled by it. Soldiers who spend much of their time training & working on fitness, with their fully developed adult bodies. Not schoolkids who don't spent the majority of their time on fitness training, and have still developing bodies that can be permanently damaged by incorrect stresses at this stage.

The DoE is literally about team work. I think you are setting your daughter up to fail with this attitude.

That’s a ridiculous view.

Youre correct. It is about teamwork.

Part of working as a team is not selfishly packing non essential crap and then expecting someone else to carry it for you.

Sorry, I haven't read all of the thread, so I don't know if this has already been said. They should all look after their own bags because it is their own private stuff and what if someone loses a bag? If anyone loses a bag it should be their own and not someone else's. Also what if stuff goes missing from a bag? Their bag is their own responsibility.

I’m sure they have. If you’ve been involved in this kind of thing, I’m also sure you realise some leaders are ‘chuck the communal stuff in a pile and let them all work it out’ with no input at all into what each is carrying, some are unpack all the bags and let me see, and others are in between. The first approach won’t mitigate any bullying, and the ops dd will have a terrible time hiking along if she has a heavy bag and is feeling bullied. Worth saying something.

There is communal gear too. Eg one stove per 4 people, fuel, one tent per 3 people, food for meals for the group. So you cannot only carry your own stuff.

That's not what I said. I said they should look after their own personal bags/stuff. I didn't even mention communal stuff. That is a completely different matter.

But it goes in their bag. You said their bag is their responsibility and they should all look after their own stuff. The communal stuff all gets allocated out and they pack it in their bag to carry. They have to look after stuff that’s not theirs.

The issue was about carrying their own personal possessions. Their stuff in their bag should be their responsibility is what I said. If they have to carry communal stuff too, fine. But I never even mentioned the communal stuff and neither did the OP.

The group items should be shared out fairly. Normally by the adult leader. My daughter is tiny so was deliberately given the stove rather than tent.

Your daughter could reply with sorry I'm really short/have narrow shoulders so it's been very difficult to find a ruck sack that fits me so I won't be swapping bags.

Or just get the leader to tell them not to.

My daughter was tiny . Her bag was the lightest because she didn't take makeup and slept in her spare clothes etc and I spent money on light weight equipment due to her size.