To think this is way too young to be thinking about sex

[PeriodDramas]

DS is 11, 12 in 4 months. He and his friends spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex at the moment.

He also has a girlfriend.

Surely this is too young to be thinking about these things?

So he’s end of year 6?

I think it probably depends on the tone of the sex conversations. A conversation can be about sex but still be very innocent - I remember in year 6 a group of us couldn’t decide if a “virgin” was someone who had had sex, or someone who hadn’t. I was passionately arguing my position that virgin must mean someone who had had sex, because the Virgin Mary had a baby, and therefore had obviously had sex. That conversation came from curiosity and interest in sex, but I don’t think anyone listening would have been concerned (apart from maybe about my poor grasp of the story of Jesus).

If he’s hanging out with slightly older kids I’d be mainly concerned that he’s been exposed to porn. Exposure to this is getting younger and younger thanks to social media! Even if you keep your own child away from it, it’s everywhere with their peers.

This. Does he have a phone? Do you have good control of it if so? Apparently the average age to see porn for the first time is now 12 or something outrageous like that.

Tweens ‘picking up a racy book at the library’ is the funniest thing I’ve read on MN. Google ‘porn’ and see how many clicks it takes to see graphic, violent porn, with zero age checks or payment. . We were utterly stunned. And the kids are watching every page obsessively. They see more extreme sex before they’re 11 than we did in a lifetime.

My DS was similarly obsessed at around 11/12, he was fascinated and had so many questions. But it was more in a wow this is weird way than actually about wanting to do it himself. At 15 he’s much more chilled about it, I know there is still lots of chat and nonsense talked at school but I think that’s completely normal.

I think I was about his age when I first saw the Angus thongs and perfect snogging movie after speeding through the books, and at the time I thought it was about on par if not slightly over exaggerated with what conversations were like within my peer group. We all felt like little grown ups.

I re-watched it recently out of boredom and it made me clutch my pearls I have never been so mortified that children so young have content aimed at them about kissing and sex and intimacy.

So in short, yes I reckon it's normal for kids to be talking about it, it's a "taboo" topic so it's only going to make them want to talk about it more, but I'm with you OP. It feels far too young, but it's not new by any means.

11-12 is a perfectly normal age to be thinking about sex. He’s on the cusp of puberty. Of course he’s going to be thinking about sex.

I’d started my periods by the age of 11. I’m pretty sure I was thinking about sex quite a lot. Plenty of boys will be having wet dreams and lots of boys and girls will be masturbating at that age. It’s completely normal.

Err, yes, way way way too young. Why are YOU, the MOTHER, allowing your 11 year old a girlfriend, first of all? And why do you not speak to your son about the inappropriateness of talking about sex with people, especially at 11 years old? You need to put an end to this nonsense.

This.

why are you allowing a young child to have a pseudo romantic “relationship”?? Do you have any idea how inappropriate that is??

But the thing is, 12-year-olds don’t actually need access to porn to be interested in sex.

A large proportion of 12-year-olds have always been interested in sex, long before porn became so accessible. They’re hitting puberty and their hormones are raging. It’s normal. Some might be interested earlier, some later - but 11/12 year olds thinking about sex is not unusual or unhealthy.

My cousin was 12 when he lost his virginity 40 odd years ago, far too young but it happens.

AIUI the tween boy sex chat seems to be much more similar to the infants boy fart chat in pattern and role, than to adult discussions of potential sexual activities.
As in, more crude innuendo and generally pissing themselves if anyone says "69", rather than "where are you buying your condoms from?". I suspect most would be terrified if a real peer indicated a desire to try any of it out with them.

Yeah, same where I am. And we didn't have the internet. I'm surprised you're surprised, OP.

Agree.

Very young: people, be careful here ;)

I was at secondary school when More magazine was in its heyday and we all discussed the position of the fortnight (if only to laugh at names like reverse cowgirl and the wheelbarrow).

In any case, surely boys and girls of that age should know the facts.Their questions should be answered truthfully. Sex is a normal part of everyday life yet it can cause immense distress. Discussion should be encouraged.

Too young for Y6 kids. I’d be concerned too.

When I was 11, a very long time ago, we passed sexually suggestive notes around the class when the teacher was reading us stories. I didn't embark on my sex life soon after, though that may have been partly down to the fact I went to a girls school for secondary and knew no boys other than my younger brother and his friends.

It's normal to be curious / interested at that age. Doesn't mean he'll soon have a girl friend necessarily.

Yes, that will work 🙄

What are you doing to be the parent, other than posting on the Internet about children talking about sex?

My nearly 13 year old is aware of sex, but any conversations I hear between he and his friends and what I can see on his phone - (I do check it occasionally) are about games and bike riding mostly. It's certainly natural to be curious and with hormones flying everywhere it's likely something they're thinking about. I guess all you can do is ensure they know about safe sex and keep up an open dialogue. My eldest two didn't seem bothered until 6th form. I do have majorly geeky, gaming boys though, which possibly does help (which I'm very thankful for!). I've just kept discussions open and made sure they're aware of anything they need to know. 11 does seem very young... But from what I've seen/heard from others doesn't seem to be unusual.

It's normal to be talking about sex and asking questions, rather than everything going on underground and the wrong information being circulated.

Answer the questions, and they stop asking until they need more information.

It absolutely will. But of course a bad parent will think it won't, because they don't do any actual parenting, and it's normal in their world to allow their 11 year old kids to set the rules in the house.

Yes this is totally normal, totally when it starts.

Think back. I certainly remember thinking about boys and wanting a bf when I was 12. Well, they have lots more access to this subject, and this probably results in more young relationships.

It’s mostly talk but unfortunately the more mature for age youngsters are introducing it to those who otherwise wouldn’t be interested yet. I say mostly because we had a girl in my class get pregnant at 12! It happens when parents don’t supervise their dc (no internet then either)