To think this is way too young to be thinking about sex

[PeriodDramas]

DS is 11, 12 in 4 months. He and his friends spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex at the moment.

He also has a girlfriend.

Surely this is too young to be thinking about these things?

@Ilovelurchers thanks. There seems to be an awful lot of pearl clutching and cries of bad parenting on this thread.

Yes of course I regularly check his phone. I read his interactions with friends as having a phone at this ages means this is part of the deal.

He is not allowed apps like Snapchat, Tik Tok and so on. He knows porn exists, he knows that it's an unrealistic and unrealistic view of sex and relationships. His phone has all the restrictions on it.

One of the boys in his class is very preoccupied with sex etc. seems to know far too much and is known to look at porn. Hence the reason why we've had conversations about the above. I also will not have this boy here overnight and my son isn't allowed to go there as supervision on devices and bedtime routines are poor. I keep him away.

Yes he's very young to have a girlfriend but other kids in his class seem to have been doing this for a while. Unfortunately he's a popular and good looking kid, gets a lot of attention from girls and has done since he was about 7. He's a very respectful and sensible boy. I'm not in the mindset of wanting to stifle his development, clutch pearls when puberty is here.

To the parents who suggest I'm not parenting effectively and so on, stop being bloody ridiculous. Of course he has chores and clubs and activities and so on. He is also nearly 12 and as his role models are Sheldon Cooper and Greg from diary of a wimpy kid, I'm not at this point, as some people on this thread suggest...heading for a disaster. I'm simply trying to guage what is normal for his age.

I imagine my parents probably thought the same thing about me at that age.

They were wrong.

This is normal. We were fascinated by it at that age, and talked about it a lot.

It took a good few more years to feel ready to actually try it out though.

MigGril - “unhurded of”?! Predictive text excelled itself there!

Op I guess you don’t care because it wouldn’t be your daughter pregnant with baby if and when they decide to have sex😡

This is normal. When I was at school it was all boys talked about

Too many parents want to be their childs friend rather than parent.

I am so shocked by the naivety of some parents on this thread.

Depends what ‘talking about sex’ consists of. Puerile kids banter or more specific, adult stuff. You mention something was of concern?

11 isn’t too young to be thinking about it. I’d say it’s fairly typical, even decades ago, pre-internet. But if he’s hearing about it from teenagers, you’ll have to talk openly with him to counter this. Nothing heavy, but drop it into conversations when the opportunity arises (while watching TV or talking about what’s in the news or related topics). Share your views about appropriate age, respect, consent, safe sex and porn.

I wouldn’t ban him having a ‘girlfriend’ (likely, quite literally), just as I wouldn’t ban him from having any friend, including the older ones who talk about sex. It could prove counter-productive, by making him more determined to see them or listen to them. Kids can always find a way.

But I’d keep an eye on it and not encourage it in any way. Be alert to preventing opportunities for them to be alone. Do you know her family? Does your DS go to her home or have the opportunity to be there when everyone’s out (e.g. on way home from school) or is allowed in her room?

It also depends on whether the older kids have older siblings. The youngest in a family tend to be exposed to stuff (sex, drugs, gaming, music, fashion), younger than the eldest, as siblings overhear, snoop on or copy each other. Or openly chat.

The average age for puberty is 11 for girls and 12 for boys. That’s not ‘robbing kids of their childhood’. It’s just a scientific fact. That’s average, so some kids will of course be either a bit younger or a bit older. The NHS advice is that it’s normal for puberty in boys to start at any time from 9 to 14. So an 11-12 year old boy is pretty likely to be at that point.

When kids hit puberty, it’s normal for them to start having sexual feelings/thoughts, triggered by hormonal changes. It’s just biology.

Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it is simply how human bodies work.

I needed a bra at 10 and started my periods at 11. That was in the 1980s and I can assure you I was having some pretty strong feelings about Nick Kamen stripping to his boxers every time I saw that famous Levi’s advert on the telly.

I think people are misunderstanding what being ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ means to 11-12 year olds. They’re not ‘dating’ - it’s way more likely they will be friends who have a little crush on each and might hold hands and probably rarely see each other outside school.

My nephew had a ‘girlfriend’ at 12. They once went to the cinema to see a kids’ film and when another relative of his made a joke about snogging my nephew sternly said “Er, NO? We’re only 12, innit? What’s wrong with you?” I don’t think he had another ‘girlfriend’ until he was about 17! He’s now a 23-year-old man and has not been destroyed by holding hands with a classmate a decade previously.

13? Not remotely interested in sex? I think you are being naive.

When I was 11 the boys were talking about sex. Or trying to anyway. On reflection they didn’t know much about it so presumably weren’t doing anything.

This can also pick up abuse, of course (pregnant 13 year olds are sometimes pregnant by a stepfather rather than a boyfriend, sadly).

Not something I had considered but sadly I expect you are correct.

I’ve been a year 7 form tutor and we had to cover sex in phse and science

Also husband lost his virginity at 12. Much older girl. Eww