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Original poster

To think this is way too young to be thinking about sex

117 replies

PeriodDramas · 08/05/2025 21:28

DS is 11, 12 in 4 months. He and his friends spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex at the moment.

He also has a girlfriend.

Surely this is too young to be thinking about these things?

OP posts:
TURNYOURCAPSLOCKOFF · 08/05/2025 21:29

How do you know how much they're talking about sex? Confused

Ilovegoldies · 08/05/2025 21:29

You are having us on surely?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 08/05/2025 21:30

That is really young

But talking about sex how? Like stupid jokes?

PlumFairies · 08/05/2025 21:30

If this is true then you need to have a long, hard think about how to sort this out. It’s not normal behaviour.

MigGril · 08/05/2025 21:33

We it isn't unhurded of for 13 year old to get pregnant. I'd be having discussions with him about consent and how sex under 16 is illegal. You really need to talk with him and ask why they are discussing these things. Who have been watching what on the Internet could be an issue as well.

I'd also make school aware if this is an issue as one of the lads could be being exposed to inappropriate things at home.

CautiousOptimist · 08/05/2025 21:35

Wow, I would be concerned too tbh. My eldest DS is 12, and not interested in sex in the slightest. I still very much think of him as a young boy.
They are of course all different: some of his mates have girlfriends, they hang out together, message each other a lot, probably kiss a bit. Anything else, I’d very much hope not.
When you say they talk about sex… about the act itself? About celebrities being ‘sexy’? About their girlfriends?
I’d be very worried and would want to know how they know so much about it. One of them is seeing / hearing about things they shouldn’t.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2025 21:37

Having actually encountered groups of 11 year old boys in the wild - it's almost the sole topic of conversation, with football and computer games (well, Fortnite) close runners up.

Shoemadlady · 08/05/2025 21:37

Sorry wrong thread!

Original poster
PeriodDramas · 08/05/2025 21:39

TURNYOURCAPSLOCKOFF · 08/05/2025 21:29

How do you know how much they're talking about sex? Confused

Because I can hear them chatting!

A couple of the boys are a year older and one is already much more aware than he should be. My son is going along in the slipstream of these boys. I feel quite cross actually as I feel his little innocent friendship / girlfriend is being impacted by these slightly more aware children. I'm quite fed up

I called the school and flagged up my worry about one of the conversations I overheard.

I just wanted to guage how normal it was for boys to start talking about these things. I think the girls all chat too. He's got quite a big social group. I hate it. Far too young.

OP posts:
YankSplaining · 08/05/2025 21:40

As long as he isn’t planning to have sex himself, I don’t think that’s abnormal. When you say “girlfriend,” what is their relationship like?

Preteens are going through puberty or right in the verge, so of course sex is a topic of interest.

cadburyegg · 08/05/2025 21:41

That does seem very young. My son is a year younger and I can’t imagine him talking about sex in a year’s time, but what do I know…

Littletreefrog · 08/05/2025 21:42

Kids have always had boyfriends and girlfriends and talked about sex and snogging etc at 11. I know I did when at school in the 90s. It doesn't mean they will actually be having sex anytime soon. BUT it does mean if you haven't already you need to be talking openly with them about things including consent, boundaries, sexual health etc etc.

YankSplaining · 08/05/2025 21:43

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2025 21:37

Having actually encountered groups of 11 year old boys in the wild - it's almost the sole topic of conversation, with football and computer games (well, Fortnite) close runners up.

Yeah, I’m surprised by OP being surprised. Even kids who aren’t being exposed to adult material or behavior hear other kids talk, and anyone can pick up a “racy” book at the public library and read it.

Original poster
PeriodDramas · 08/05/2025 21:43

YankSplaining · 08/05/2025 21:40

As long as he isn’t planning to have sex himself, I don’t think that’s abnormal. When you say “girlfriend,” what is their relationship like?

Preteens are going through puberty or right in the verge, so of course sex is a topic of interest.

He says they're 'dating' and it's been about five weeks and he's hugged her. They just play really like he does with any of his other friends. They send emojis of hearts to each other and have selfies with little rabbit ears. They bought each other little gifts and play card games. These other boys are a pain.

OP posts:
MadamePeriwinkle · 08/05/2025 21:44

It seems young, but he's Year 7, at secondary, and if he's hanging out with Year 8s (and they're hanging out with Year 9's) it's going to happen.

As PPs have said, having the conversations about consent, safe sex and the legal aspects of sex at a young age is really important.

But is it unusual? Sadly, no.

Octavia64 · 08/05/2025 21:45

They do tend to start having girlfriends/boyfriends at about that age.

usually just means they sit together at lunch. Few get as far as a date much less any further.

having said that I did once have the misfortune to be assigned to suppprt a year 8 sex education session and bloody hell some of them are well informed.

Mrsttcno1 · 08/05/2025 21:48

I think it’s quite normal or common for sex to become a bit of a topic of convo around this age now, but not in a “I’m going to have sex” way, more of a joking & “can you believe this happens” way.

I remember one of my nephews a few of years ago had heard something about fingering and blowjobs from friends at school at a similar age, I think he was 12, and he came home telling everybody about how “rank” and “disgusting” it all was. They were talking about it & joking about it but definitely not planning it

Lavender14 · 08/05/2025 21:50

Unfortunately op 1 in 10 uk children have been exposed to pornography by the age of 9 now and a quarter of them by age 11. So while yes of course it's too young in theory, it's not in the world we now live in and the changes with technology.

I think if you're not addressing these things with your kids earlier than we would ever have thought to before you're now leaving them at a bit of a disadvantage even though the intention is to protect innocence which is also important. It's a very hard balance for parents to find now.

I think you need to help your child navigate their own thoughts on these topics now so he's not being led by other children who may have been influenced by less appropriate sources of information.

SpiceryFiendXOXO · 08/05/2025 21:50

I definitely remember sex being a big topic in year 7 so I'd say it's normal to be talking about it with his friends because the older ones will be talking about it with their even older friends and siblings.

Just make sure he's aware of the facts and that no matter what people are.l saying, it doesn't make it true.

Jay from the Inbetweeners comes to mind.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 08/05/2025 21:52

We talked of little else at 11/12, back in the 80s. It was a new, mysterious, slightly scary grown-up thing, and our hormones were flying.

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18, though. So long as it’s just talk, I think it’s normal.

XenoBitch · 08/05/2025 21:52

Thinking about having it, or just thinking about it? We were taught about it at the end of primary school.

Cucy · 08/05/2025 21:56

I would say it’s quite normal (they’re big boys in secondary school now) but in a way that they’re not actually planning on having sex, more know it’s a bit naughty/taboo and so want to talk about it more.

I always remember being asked in primary school whether I was a virgin and I said no (not knowing what it meant) and everyone went round saying I had sex and how gross it was.
It only lasted a day but we were obviously talking about it in primary school too.

Boys who think they’re grown up/trying to act grown up will talk about things they think make them sound grown up, like sex.

The girlfriend situation is normal too but obviously just have rules like no doors closed etc just in case.

Ladamesansmerci · 08/05/2025 21:59

Me and my friends talked about sex a lot at that age. Not in the way we wanted to do it, more just that we were curious, found it funny etc. I remember hearing about stuff like fingering at that age and finding it funny 🙈 And asking my friend's mum what a blow job is, lol. There were all kinds of wild rumours about people having threesomes, people losing their virginity etc. I don't for one second think any of it was true, but at the time you find it hilarious. Secondary school children in Y7 are about to hit puberty and it's that crossover of sex being funny/to you actually developing hormones and exploring your body yourself/wanting a boyfriend etc.

Just continue to keep open communication with him. Kids do get girlfriends at that age. I remember people just eating their lunch together and holding hands, and that was it really.

Teanbiscuits33 · 08/05/2025 22:02

I mean, I had my first snog at 11, and we knew about sex and had crushes etc. I think it’s quite normal at that age to start becoming sexually aware. I liked the idea of it but was never ready to actually have sex and didn’t actually lose my virginity until I was 17.

I don’t think it’s always a cause for an alarm, it depends what they are saying really, are they planning sex? You need to perhaps have a gentle word with him. Does he seem comfortable talking about it or awkward? Is he young or older for his age?

Having said all that, I think, in general, girls mature slightly faster than boys when it comes to puberty etc. This is your cue for a birds and bees chat with him.

pleasedimfree · 08/05/2025 22:08

Littletreefrog · 08/05/2025 21:42

Kids have always had boyfriends and girlfriends and talked about sex and snogging etc at 11. I know I did when at school in the 90s. It doesn't mean they will actually be having sex anytime soon. BUT it does mean if you haven't already you need to be talking openly with them about things including consent, boundaries, sexual health etc etc.

I was going to say the same thing i knew what sex was before i was ten.
I also new right from wrong with consent.
I think in todays days parents try to keep to much from kids.