To think this is way too young to be thinking about sex

[PeriodDramas]

DS is 11, 12 in 4 months. He and his friends spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex at the moment.

He also has a girlfriend.

Surely this is too young to be thinking about these things?

It depends entirely on what ‘’dating’’ means to 11 year old kids. To most, it means holding hands and hugging. When I was in late primary school/ early secondary there were a few boys and girls ‘’going out’’ with each other, but in reality it was in name only. It’s kids play acting at being grown up, that’s it. They are just good friends. It’s the same for most 11 year olds who have boyfriends/ girlfriends. At most they might have a kiss, but just because they’re calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend and say they’re dating it doesn’t mean they’re having sex or planning it. That’s quite a leap.

He is too young for a girlfriend.

I’m in my 20s and I’m surprised that you are surprised about this.

Everyone at my school knew what sex is at that age. In fact I was probably more exposed to sex chat and innuendos when I was at school as opposed to adult life? It’s everywhere, music, shows, YouTube, fashion/beauty industry etc it’s cool to be seen as sexy/desirable at school. Boys that age are definitely commenting on female bodies and are aware of porn etc.

The popular boys were twanging the popular girls bra straps in y7/8 when I was at school. It's not a new thing .

you seem quite naive as nothing in the original post you quoted is wrong. Kids being aware of sex can happen in all families. I’m in my 20s and it would take a long time to list how 11 year olds may be exposed to it in 2025.

It’s as simple as group chats, older kids at school, social media (all forms), YouTube comments, indirect and direct google searches, gaming, tv shows, music videos, songs. I mean do you think kids have never come across a crude drawing of boobs in a public toilet or something? It’s not about what they are exposed to at home, it’s about the wider things they will come across outside of the immediate family unit.

my parents were absolute prudes and super strict yet I had just as much awareness of these things as any of my peers

I agree. I clearly remember going to a sleepover in year 5 or 6 (so around age 10) and there was lots of (quite naive) talk about boyfriends, kissing and sex...

I also recall my brother seeming obsessed (in a "discovering the subject" kind of way) with talking about sex and girls around year 7.

I think it's a normal part of development.

exactly. When I was in school, popular music was mainly American rap and RnB - kids at school would sing those with full awareness of what those explicit lyrics meant.

I think that's ok as long as it's just chatter. Their hormones are on the move and some hit puberty younger than others. They are bound to discuss it.

Make sure he knows about consent and that the legal age is 16, but don't make a fuss about it. Such conversations are normal. He isn't a baby any more.

Totally age appropriate by the sounds of it. Make sure you also talk to him to get a feel of his understanding. I lost my virginity at 12 because no adult ever actually sat me down to have the chat, I was peer and partner pressured, and our hormones were raging and we were kids who didn't know better. Make sure as his parent you have a good talk with him.

Good you are aware of the situation and keeping a keen eye on it

So very true and similar experience myself. Great post of advice

I was a 11yo boy in 1988 and then went to an all boys boarding school for 7 years and sex certainly wasn't our main topic of conversation - prob because we had stacks of clubs/activities every day and every weekend was full of sports and events which wouldn't have been available in our home village in West Wales and I think sex 'chats' etc were off topic until 16+ and that was just wishful thinking! But those were the days before iPhones and iPads etc

Excuse my ignorance, but wouldn’t he have learn about in school? Like actual lessons?
It is far too young IMO, but if he’s learnt about in the curriculum then I’m not all that surprised he’s talking about as it’s new phenomenon for him.

OP, it's your son that has a girlfriend so maybe he's the ringleader with all the sex talk?

Dating at 11? Is this a thing? I wouldn't encourage it. I'd encourage hobbies instead, sports, music, drama, art, scouts and focus on friendships not romantic relationships. There is plenty of time for that once their brain has matured a bit. Wouldn't want to have to mop up after a break up at that age either or have to deal with the regret of sharing such personal photos at that age.

The poster you're snittily responding to didn't mention having boyfriends stay the night at 16 or dating at 11. They were referring to 11-12 years olds being curious or thinking about sex, which you yourself appear to think is par for the course.

There were a few kids with permissive parents supposedly dating at 11 or so in my international school abroad back in the late 1980s/early 1990s.

I remember my friend being so mad when she told me she was 'going out' with so-and-so and I said, 'going out where?' She kept repeating 'going out' and I kept asking 'but WHERE?' and she took the cream puff. 😂

The naivety and pearl clutching on this thread is wild 🤣

I’m surprised everyone is saying it’s abnormal.

When I was that age, people certainly did play at “boyfriends and girlfriends” and were kissing and holding hands. We learnt about sex and babies in PSHE too so of course it came up in lots of conversations afterwards.

I had a "boyfriend" at 11. He gave me a cheap ring which I treasured for ages, sent me love notes in class and asked me for kisses (pecks on the lips) behind the toilets which were outside in the playground. I never saw him out of school - other than he once followed me part way home but chickened out from continuing. We lived in totally different directions. My feelings were more romantic than sexual and it was more that I was flattered and he was good looking, than that they were real. I didn't physically go through puberty for another year or so.

Totally normal. Have they not had sex ed classes at school?

Normal to be talking.
Also normal for things to get out of hand. Crushes, big feelings, peer pressure - all normal in early teenagers.

Make sure your son is fully educated and his girlfriend is well protected, no sleep overs or pressure to be sexual.

I know a woman whose twelve year old nephew fathered a child with his thirteen year old girl friend. You can guess who is doing the child care - their parents.

Yes, too young.
What is the hurry.

Where does it say he's at secondary school? You may be right, but school year age groups differ across the UK and the World.

I have boys that are 11 and 13 and it's not remotely on their radar. I think they would both be mortified talking about it with their friends.