WWYD - Husband I’m well and I’m due to go on holiday

[AmIEnough]

Hi all! I’m posting for a bit of advice here as I really don’t know what to do. My DH has been on Mounjaro for a period of time and about a month ago became very unwell with an upset tummy. He wasn’t replacing fluids as much as he should and ended up incredibly dehydrated and after three days of continually getting worse he finally collapsed. Long story short I ended up calling an ambulance and they took him into hospital where they gave him bags and bags of fluid and IV antibiotics. He was there overnight and it transpires that they were incredibly worried about him because he has heart disease and his haemoglobin levels were so high that his blood was really thick and they were concerned that he was going to have a heart attack. They actually told him that had I not called the ambulance when I did they would be looking at a very different situation.

Fast forward to today and he’s now got an upset tummy again. I think self-inflicted because he’s gone up to the next dose having only been on the lower dose for one week which is not the norm.

He’s managing it better as he’s drinking a lot and I’ve bought him isotonic drinks to help replace the salts and electrolytes but my dilemma is that my 18-year-old daughter and I are due to go on holiday on Saturday for the first girls only holiday we’ve ever had. It’s taken me a year to save up for it and we’ve booked ourselves a couple of trips.

My question is do we go or do I cancel it or try and rearrange it? I think I’ll probably end up losing all my money and my daughter will be devastated, as will I of course but I just can’t predict how my husband is going to be this time round and whether he will manage things better knowing that his fluid intake was nowhere near sufficient last time.

Just looking for advice really.

To add, his 21-year-old son also lives here and will be around.

You have a mobile phone OP and you can manage this from abroad. Send messages to DH and his DS at regular intervals throughout the day, every day, to ensure your DS is managing his fluid intake and he's generally doing OK. Warn him in advance that you will be doing this because (a) you love him, (b) you don't want him to die, (c) you don't want to disappoint your DD, and (d) you don't want him to call you a "nag"! 😂
I understand why you're worried OP, but you and your DD should have your holiday and enjoy it, while "the men" act like grown-ups and take care of themselves properly. 🤗

Go on holiday. He s an adult. His son is an adult. He knows how to get help if he needs it. What he is doing is self inflicted and unnecessary. Do you think he's hijacking your holiday/peace of mind while you're away?

Then they don't need texting do they?

Let them get on with it

He’s still taking it after all those complications? Is he under the supervision of a doctor?
He shouldn’t be touching that sort of medication unsupervised, and I don’t really see why you should cancel your holiday because of his failure to seek and follow medical advice.

Well he needs to take the medication as directed and take some personal responsibility for ending up in hospital after he randomly increased his dose. Mounjaro isn’t particularly a dangerous drug but if you misuse it, you do become more susceptible to serious side effects. Hopefully the hospital spoke sense into him to not fuck around with it.

I don’t think you need to cancel your holiday. The hospital wouldn’t have sent him home if he is that unwell. Plus there’s another adult at home to monitor him.

I suffered the same effects for the first 4 months, especially the first 3 days after taking the injections and going up a dose.

He needs to be careful what he eats for those first few days, eat very little and drink lots of water.

It's horrible. But it can be controlled if he is careful and eventually those side effects stop.

Tell him to avoid anything that is hard to digest, especially pasta.

Edited to add that you should go - he needs to watch his symptoms and take himself to get medical attention if he needs it.

He's being an idiot, this is how own doing.
Go on your holiday. If he gets ill again, he has an adult son living with him.

Can you not grasp the concern in OP's original post? To the extent she's actually considering cancelling her and her DD's much saved up for and much looked forward to holiday? This is a suggested tactic which is as much about providing the reassurance OP needs to go ahead with her plans as it is about keeping her DH safe, and if regular reminders to him (and, hopefully, some feedback from him) give OP peace of mind to enjoy her holiday and enable her DH to "get on with" being a grown-uo while she's away, I really don't see anything wrong with it.

Some will say cancel.

Go. He's an adult.

You're not his mother. You're not responsible for him and his health. He is.

He's not taken care of himself properly. This should jolt him into doing so.

Some will say go and leave them to it, but this will be preying on your mind and will impact on how much you and your DD enjoy the holiday.

His son's an adult and can keep him company. Despite what I've just said, I'd be inclined to check with son that he will be there, and knows what to do in an emergency, and keep in contact.

Absolutely go on the holiday. But make sure your husband’s Will is up to date. That’s it. He is being cavalier about his health. You can’t care more than he does about his health.

Go. It's not as if he is on his own. And check in with him or his son as often as you need to for your own sanity. They are grown adults and perfectly capable of sorting themselves out but if you are fretting you will spoil your own holiday. So do what you need to do on that front.

I wouldn't expect my husband to cancel his holiday!

Having another adult at home is a bonus, you don't even have to worry about him.

Your husband is an adult who is responsible for himself. You are not his mother.

Your priority and loyalty lies with the person whose mother you actually are. Whether or not your husband does a good job of looking after himself, you need your dd more than you need him.

Not sure if the OP is still around but her dh is just…. stupid.

He is taking medication that has given him side effects bad enough to send him in hospital.
And he is increasing the dose? Quicker than he is supposed to too?

Just plain and simple stupid really.

I would move between being really worried about him and being really angry tbh.
Has the doctors not told him about revising the Mounjaro with his GP re dosage etc…? At the very least…

If your husband ended up in hospital because of the WLJ he needs to stop taking them. I was admitted to A and E after three weeks due to gallbladder complications. I would not try again.
If he is obese still I recommend a therapist. I lost four stone this way. My excess weight was trauma induced.
Do not cancel your holiday because that feels like cohesive control to me if he is playing the 'don't go card'.
If he doesn't inject again he'll be OK. Jane plan works I believe. Expensive but all done for you.
I'm now 26 bmi from 43. I just stopped beating myself up and quit the booze. His choice.

Your DH is an adult and capable of looking after himself. What he is doing is self inflicted. Possibly to make himself sick because he doesn't want his mummy (you) going away. Tell him to buck his ideas up and stop fucking about with his health and go enjoy.

Of course you should go. Why are you responsible for your husband's health. He's an adult isn't he? It's time he started to behave like one.

Do you think he's done this on purpose so that you stay home to look after him? If you do, spend the time away thinking about how you want your future to look. Unless there's a backstory, it rather seems as if you've a manchild alongside your son and daughter. Ick.

I’m surprised he was advised to carry on taking it after how ill it made him. Sounds like he needs to stop taking it.

Go on holiday and have a lovely time. make sure his pension beneficiaries and life insurance docs are up to date and that you have decent wills

Please go. He is a grown man that is choosing t make himself ill and no doubt thinks if he is ill you won't go away. Call his bluff. Enjoy your holiday.

Thanks to everyone for commenting. Reading these has made me actually feel quite resentful of my DH for putting us all in this situation! For those who wanted to know, he is using them for weight loss and is paying for them privately although I have no idea which company he’s using. Thanks also to everyone who’s had some sensible advice regarding how he deals with this moving forward. I think he needs a serious reality check!

@AmIEnough "... is paying for them privately although I have no idea which company he’s using." 😬Well I hope they're the genuine product and he's not buying them from someone who's unregulated, like a beautician.

Why can't a grown man and his 21 year old son cope without their wife/mother for a couple of days?

Seriously?! I'm failing to see why you can't go.

You should go DH should stop messing around with his medication
He should have learnt after ending up in A&E

Having ended up hospitalised because he wasn't following the basic instructions rather than a 'normal' side effect - he then upped his dosage - ignoring the basics of the advice. Go on holiday - he is an adult with an another adult around - why should you two suffer for his stupidity.