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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

477 replies

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:13

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

OP posts:
Picklechicken · 07/05/2025 16:59

I think it’s a really gross comment and I really hate sexualised humour so I’d remove myself from the group because I just wouldn’t want to read stuff like that but I’d be very surprised if you actually got in any trouble for it.

whitewineandsun · 07/05/2025 16:59

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:34

Someone else in the group who was out in a different venue asked whether that bar was busy or not and was told it was standing only. I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

The other parents comment was along the lines of get him drunk and bundle him in a taxi to your bedroom 😬

Show quote history

That's inappropriate. Think before you type. And don't type while drinking.

Bored housewives trope comes to mind.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 16:59

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 16:58

We need to know what you said op! It does depend a bit!

You could read the ops posts and then you will find out!

ThatsCute · 07/05/2025 17:00

Yes, it was a racy comment, and inappropriate.

But what are the school actually in a position to do? It was a WhatsApp group which is not run by the school. They could do something if you shouted it out at the school nativity play…but in a social media group that wasn’t set up by the school? What can they ACTUALLY do? Expel your child? Give your child detention?

If they do try to come after you (which a I doubt that they will), I would reiterate that what you do as an adult with the other mums outside of the school channels is your own business. (And please learn your lesson on this—save the racy comments for your closest friends; not the entire class!)

PuppyMonkey · 07/05/2025 17:01

What did she think the school were going to do because of this report she made? Contact you and tell you off? Are you sure someone isn’t just winding you up telling you it’s been reported.

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 17:01

😱 Just got to that update!!
Well you didn’t hold back!!!

She was a cow to pass it on to the school but … your poor Dc! They are going to be known in the staff room as the “ can I sit on your face” woman’s kids.

Shitmonger · 07/05/2025 17:01

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 16:58

We need to know what you said op! It does depend a bit!

She posted it at the top of page 2. Tbf it’s grim enough that I’d be leaving the country rather than facing these people again. 😂

UpsideDownChairs · 07/05/2025 17:01

Embarrassing, but not illegal, and what business is it of the schools?

And if you think the dads don't have similar chat then you're in cloud cuckoo land.

A couple of comments were made about one of the teachers at my kid's school (although not quite so graphic :) ) once, the conversation just carried on.

And what the teachers and parents were actually getting up to at my primary school when I was a kid, well, it puts a comment on a whatsapp chat well in the shade..

TheignT · 07/05/2025 17:02

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:58

I think it's very unlikely that any of the other mothers on that group will make an announcement to the other teachers, yes.

Show quote history

It is amazing how many unlikely things happen in life. I would think it is unlikely for a mother to make that comment on a parents whatsapp group, I think it is unlikely someone would go the Head with it but both things seem to have happened.

hopeishere · 07/05/2025 17:02

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 16:58

We need to know what you said op! It does depend a bit!

She’s posted what she said (filter for OP only) basically a comment about sitting on his face.

Emonade · 07/05/2025 17:02

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:34

Someone else in the group who was out in a different venue asked whether that bar was busy or not and was told it was standing only. I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

The other parents comment was along the lines of get him drunk and bundle him in a taxi to your bedroom 😬

Show quote history

You did absolutely nothing wrong, the school won’t do anything. I’d be so embarrassed too but it is hilarious!

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 17:03

I know!! Op what you were thinking!? 🤣

Peacepleaselouise · 07/05/2025 17:03

Personally I can’t abide telling tales…

SonK · 07/05/2025 17:05

JasperTheDoll · 07/05/2025 16:05

Why though? Are people not allowed to say they find someone attractive?

Show quote history

Sitting on his face is of a sexual nature - something you would joke about with close friends about a teacher you find hot not the mums WA page which could get awkward.

The other comment about getting him drunk and into a taxi sounds predatory - if a man said that about a woman surely there would be uproar?

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 17:07

You are also going to have to wear a tent on your lower half around school as every single person who hears of it won’t be able to help mentally envisaging you carrying out your threat …

JHound · 07/05/2025 17:07

Why on earth would they report it to the school??

SheridansPortSalut · 07/05/2025 17:08

You say "lesson learned". Rather than learning a lesson about being careful about Whatsapp groups, I hope that the lesson you have learned is not to sexualize people who are just going about doing their jobs. Imagine if this was a group of Dads commenting about a female teacher. It's completely inappropriate.

Oxpeckercarnival · 07/05/2025 17:08

I don't think the school will do anything. The OP just needs to lie low for a bit and learn from it. I think reporting it is a bit extreme and the person who did so could have just commented on the chat instead of tattling to the school and turning this into a drama.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 07/05/2025 17:09

Can’t be doing with a flounce off.
Also - the bit about bundling him into the back of a vehicle is clearly a joke.
However, I have read many a thread on here about what men say in WhatsApp groups - they get flamed for being sexist pervs, so we can’t have it both ways.
However, if I was offended I’d just leave the group. There is no way I’d report it to the school.
Just to add any teacher who doesn’t look like a gargoyle is well aware they can be an object of fascination to both students and parents alike.
If you want to let loose, do it in the privacy of a group reserved for close, trusted friends, not a school one.
And there’s always wine involved….

Original poster
Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 17:10

SheridansPortSalut · 07/05/2025 17:08

You say "lesson learned". Rather than learning a lesson about being careful about Whatsapp groups, I hope that the lesson you have learned is not to sexualize people who are just going about doing their jobs. Imagine if this was a group of Dads commenting about a female teacher. It's completely inappropriate.

I’m going to go one step further and become a monk I think!

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/05/2025 17:10

I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

Crude and disrespectful to talk about a teacher at your child's school like that.

Tortoise7 · 07/05/2025 17:10

Everyone makes mistakes. Apologise and say you feel mortified, like you did here. That is all you can do, they can take it or leave it. The school should not make trouble for what happens on a private chat, it's not a crime. Best of luck! X

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 07/05/2025 17:11

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 17:10

I’m going to go one step further and become a monk I think!

Show quote history

Take to the veil and spend your life praying for forgiveness!!!

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/05/2025 17:11

Are you going to tell us how you know she reported it to the school?

Original poster
Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 17:12

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/05/2025 17:11

Are you going to tell us how you know she reported it to the school?

Another parent who spoke to her on Tuesday told me

OP posts: