Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

477 replies

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:13

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

OP posts:
TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:45

AppropriateAdult · 07/05/2025 16:41

But that's my point - the much more serious issue would be if the head did let it become staffroom gossip. I'd hope they'd have enough sense not to let it get any further than themselves.

Show quote history

Well Head's have power, not sure they can be certain it won't get out. If a group of mothers know about it then it only takes one to be talking about it, someone else overhears, repeat until who knows how many might be in on the secret by the end of the day.

WitchesofPainswick · 07/05/2025 16:45

LegallyLoopy · 07/05/2025 16:43

If I was on this group, I would likely have left the group too but I wouldn’t have reported it.

Oh dear OP! Yes I'd probably leave too as I wouldn't want to be associated with it. No more Whatsapping and drinking for you OP!

AlohaRose · 07/05/2025 16:45

It's a pretty gross thing to say on a group like this, where presumably you wouldn't count all of the participants as "friends", rather than a loose grouping of a few friends plus all the rest just being school mums from the same class. You can bet that if two dads had said the same kind of thing about a female teacher, there would be outrage!

You know that one mum was already outraged/upset/troublemaking enough to take it to the HT, you have no idea who else may have screenshot the conversation and where it has been distributed now. That's social media for you. Say something like that on a night out at the pub and maybe 3 or 4 people hear and you can always deny it after, put it down in writing on a public platform and it's there for the world to see by one means or another.

Kattuccino · 07/05/2025 16:48

@Wonderwallafterallhow did you find out she told the school, if school haven't been in touch? It might just be drama/rumour/speculation!

It was an unwise comment in a group of women you don't know that well, but the woman's reaction seems disproportionate!

Shitmonger · 07/05/2025 16:48

Wonderwallafterall · 07/05/2025 15:34

Someone else in the group who was out in a different venue asked whether that bar was busy or not and was told it was standing only. I jokingly said ‘If I was you then I’d just use X’s (teachers) face as your seat, don’t tell me none of you have never imagined it either’.

The other parents comment was along the lines of get him drunk and bundle him in a taxi to your bedroom 😬

Show quote history

Oh OP, that’s fucking grim. 🤣

Maybe lock down the phone from now on when the wine is open. And possibly consider changing schools so you don’t have to face these people again.

Actually maybe change your name too. 🤣🤣

MamaLenny · 07/05/2025 16:48

Imagine the school staff members being shown that screenshot, and having to remain professional in front of the mum complaining 🤣 Oh dear

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:49

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:34

The problem with that sort of thing is you don't know the other persons history. So you might make a joke about what you fancy doing to someone and they'd laugh, or they might be annoyed if they think they aren't attractive and you are making fun of them or they have been abused as a child/teenager and this brings back some trauma.

So if this young man has had some trauma in his life and he says to the Head, I don't want any contact with that woman because of what she said what happens then? Is he entitled to say that, would the Head take any notice, how would they ensure there is no contact. Say he runs the football team is the OP's child banned from the team, if he teaches year 5 what happens when OPs child goes into year 5, what if he's one of the teachers on a school residential can the OPs child go?

Honestly I know it wasn't meant with malice, I understand why people don't like telltales but it could actually be a problem at school.

Just to add that at my children's school a member of staff got into a bit of a situation with one of the dads. She was not allowed outside her office at drop off and collection time, the other mother was uncomfortable going into the school when she was there so special arrangement were made for parents evenings. It all seemed a bit OTT and I don't know if she was pandered to too much but these things can cause awkward situations.

Edited
Show quote history

This would be fair enough if the OP was saying things like this to the teacher. But she wasn't. She said it about him. The only way he could possibly be affected by it was if someone went running off to tell him about it, in which case they would be the one in the wrong, not the person who made the comment.

If someone was harassing a teacher, messaging him/her, then that would be a serious problem. But this wasn't what was happening here. What happened here was some people had a smutty conversation and one of them felt the need to tell tales and stir the pot for no good reason.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 07/05/2025 16:49

I followed the other thread, and frankly the poster on there clearly lacked intimacy 😂

I am bored of people wishing they lived in North Korea and thinking they can police every comment made, reporting you to the school is just pathetic. She's a grown woman, she can use her words?

That said, your comment would annoy me OP. Not the time or place, and it does piss me off when a few people use a school group for their private banter. I just want school related info, not their life story, it's spam!

FishfingerFlinger · 07/05/2025 16:51

LegallyLoopy · 07/05/2025 16:43

If I was on this group, I would likely have left the group too but I wouldn’t have reported it.

But if it's the main school/class whatsapp group that's used for the usual useful reminders / lost PE kit, why should you have to leave and inconvenience yourself?

Fair enough if it's just a social/chat group amongst friends you can choose be on it or not. But if it's the main class chat people shouldn't be made to feel so uncomfortable they leave the group.

Fuckitydoodah · 07/05/2025 16:52

VirgosNeedGoals · 07/05/2025 15:40

Lol it was funny OP and the other Mum is an uptight arsehole

This.

She's the one that will look like a tit. Not you.

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:52

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:39

Well people, I think some who work in schools, have said it will be the talk of the staff room so unless this particular teacher isn't allowed in the staffroom he is likely to hear about it. In fact if the whole staffroom know about it he might hear about it even if he isn't in the staffroom.

Show quote history

It will only be the 'talk of the staff room' if the headteacher inexplicably goes running into the staff room to tell the entire teaching faculty that Child A's mum said she wanted to sit on Teacher B's face.

I think it's highly unlikely that the headteacher will do that.

coxesorangepippin · 07/05/2025 16:53

Is this an antidote to the thread on here from the other day? Pervy teacher bending over desk comment??

idriveaVauxhallZafira · 07/05/2025 16:53

I haven't RTFT (but I'm seriously 😂at the actual comment), but how do you know it was reported to the school? Are you just assuming it was because the other mum left the chat?

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:54

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:49

This would be fair enough if the OP was saying things like this to the teacher. But she wasn't. She said it about him. The only way he could possibly be affected by it was if someone went running off to tell him about it, in which case they would be the one in the wrong, not the person who made the comment.

If someone was harassing a teacher, messaging him/her, then that would be a serious problem. But this wasn't what was happening here. What happened here was some people had a smutty conversation and one of them felt the need to tell tales and stir the pot for no good reason.

Show quote history

The teacher's feelings aren't invalidated by it being on a whatsapp group. You might think he shouldn't be told but the problem is if he is made aware of it he may have feelings about it and they are valid.

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:55

FishfingerFlinger · 07/05/2025 16:51

But if it's the main school/class whatsapp group that's used for the usual useful reminders / lost PE kit, why should you have to leave and inconvenience yourself?

Fair enough if it's just a social/chat group amongst friends you can choose be on it or not. But if it's the main class chat people shouldn't be made to feel so uncomfortable they leave the group.

Show quote history

Sure - but the solution is to say 'Sorry, but this is making me feel a bit uncomfortable and it feels disrespectful to a man who's just doing his job - can we not?' if you don't want to leave the group, not to report it to the school who can do absolutely nothing about it.

I suspect that most schools have means of updating parents on things in addition to WhatsApp, anyway. Not everyone's going to be on WhatsApp in the first place.

tuvamoodyson · 07/05/2025 16:55

Does he? He talks about women in the same way? Is that why he finds it hilarious?

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:55

coxesorangepippin · 07/05/2025 16:53

Is this an antidote to the thread on here from the other day? Pervy teacher bending over desk comment??

Imagine if the teacher misidentifies that OP thinking she is this OP and suggests he's interested in her offer. That could be a whole new thread or even two.

JustMeBoo · 07/05/2025 16:56

I'm really laughing. If I got drunk and posted this on my class whats app group it would cause absolute carnage given the vastly different personalities on there. I don't think anyone would report it though.

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:57

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:52

It will only be the 'talk of the staff room' if the headteacher inexplicably goes running into the staff room to tell the entire teaching faculty that Child A's mum said she wanted to sit on Teacher B's face.

I think it's highly unlikely that the headteacher will do that.

Show quote history

So you absolutely know that none of the mothers on that group will ever mention it to anyone? Interesting.

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:57

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:54

The teacher's feelings aren't invalidated by it being on a whatsapp group. You might think he shouldn't be told but the problem is if he is made aware of it he may have feelings about it and they are valid.

Show quote history

I'm not saying the teacher's feelings wouldn't be valid. I'm saying that the person at fault in that situation is the person who told him about it and not the person who said it in the first place.

HamptonPlace · 07/05/2025 16:57

I don't think a teacher being inappropriate with a parent is anything like this scenario. They have statutory obligations and a duty of care - that is well out of line!
And the other parent has embarrassed herself. All the other whatsapp parents' will cringe at her dramatic leaving the group and 'reporting' the comment. I've seen similar before (not sexual but overdramatic, i.e. making an angry comment about something trivial and then exiting the group.
Not necessarily relevant but all the whatsapp groups in my kids' school (nursery to P7 have always been both mums and dads, but maybe that's just our school....?

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:58

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:57

So you absolutely know that none of the mothers on that group will ever mention it to anyone? Interesting.

Show quote history

I think it's very unlikely that any of the other mothers on that group will make an announcement to the other teachers, yes.

Calliopespa · 07/05/2025 16:58

We need to know what you said op! It does depend a bit!

Naepalz · 07/05/2025 16:58

I think the group member reporting to the school was way over the top. HOWEVER I also think making lechy comments over a teacher at your kid's school is not someone's finest hour. If this were reversed and it was drunken dads commenting on how fit a female teacher is there would a whole different reaction.

TheignT · 07/05/2025 16:59

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 16:57

I'm not saying the teacher's feelings wouldn't be valid. I'm saying that the person at fault in that situation is the person who told him about it and not the person who said it in the first place.

Show quote history

They couldn't tell him if it didn't happen.