Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

[Wonderwallafterall]

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

Not sure, drinking cheerful normally commenting can be fun. No one has to be so uptight and if he feels embarassed when it gets out… well that tells you he knows isn’t it

LOL

the teacher won’t mind and if he does, he will probably soon have something more serious to deal with. So, my advice op. Put your head down and wait for someone to do something worse. Shouldn’t be long…it is school after all.

😂😂

Honestly, I think that's sleazy and inappropriate

But I don't think school can do anything about it

So joked about sexual assault. Yeah beyond inappropriate.

100%

I think your comment was EXTREMELY inappropriate, not “a little colourful”. You effectively made a cunnilingus joke in a group of 60 people of both sexes you don’t know well. Yuck.

And I would HATE, and I bet many other people HATE, to have a group of drunken women take over a group chat whose purpose is checking if it’s PE on Monday. You’re being digital equivalents of a drunken hen party in a corner of a bar which annoys everyone else. Get a private chat for that.

Having said that, I don’t expect the school can / will do much.

Blimey, what if the male teacher has been told that you've imagined sitting on his face.

I'd be mortified.

What if your child ends up in his class.

You'll never know if he 'knows' 😆😳

I never fail to be amazed at the absolute non-issues people like to turn into A Big Thing. What did this other mum hope to achieve by reporting it to the school, other than being a dick 🙄 Are they going to expel your child? Ban you from the school grounds? Call the Fun Police to come to your home and arrest you??

Fwiw, my OH is a teacher. In the unlikely event he found out about a comment such as you've described, he'd find it funny and we'd have a laugh about it he'd probably also be secretly pleased to have people talking about how sexy he was.

Sorry, but that comment is really quite awful. Much stronger that a bit of light-hearted comment.

That's a little more than 'colourful'. You can think me a humourless cow if you want but it would have made me really uncomfortable. I'd have left the group but I wouldn't have reported you.

I always knew mumsnet had such a snob attitude (mostly, some people on mumsnet are lovely) but this takes the biscuit. How uptight are half of you? It's not ideal when it's to the parents but tbh it's hilarious and I'd have laughed. The school won't do anything and why should they? You haven't harassed him. It got out because another uptight person reported you. Screw them. Laugh at yourself and move on.

I take your point but I do think that’s different. Men are potentially predatory in a way women simply cannot be.

Not a crime, but the school are under an obligation to protect their staff from sexual harassment, so they might say something to you. Without knowing the comment, it’s hard to know if the other parent was a shit stirrer or if they were justified. Lay off the school WhatsApp after a drink going forward, maybe

Where did you get 60 parents of both sexes from? It's a Mum's group. There are 9 in our group chat (small school) so we all know each other quite well. I seriously doubt it's a large chat if they're posting photos of drinking wine at the weekend and talking about a teacher being in the same bar.

I understand what people are saying about 'if the tables were turned', but lets be honest, there IS difference between a man saying the same thing because as we all know (even those who pretend they don't), men are physically more powerful and FAR more likely to commit an actual sexual assault - not a bunch of Mum's on a Friday night on whatsapp after a few wines. Anyone minimizing the power imbalance is just....wrong.

I really didn't think this would be something schools would even be interested in. It's a private chat outside school and parents don't have a code of conduct they sign up to in their private lives just because they have school aged children.

@Wonderwallafterall I'd have a wee separate group chat for the Mum's you're ACTUALLY friends with along with the main one. People have different personalities and different sense of humour,

He’ll be absolutely delighted I imagine.

I mean, what could they do? They can't and wouldn't want to do anything to her child as the child is blameless. They have no power to do anything to a parent.
They probably won't think much of her but it's really nothing to do with them.

I thought this too 😂

Taking the thread at face value, the woman who reporting you OP needs to get a fucking grip

Saying you find someone attractive is a bit different to suggesting someone gets someone drunk and bundles them into a taxi though, isn’t it?

That wasn't what the OP commented though was it.

Would you be delighted if you a teacher and the parents of the opposite sex were talking about sitting on your face and getting you wasted and bundling you into a taxi?

Oh fgs - well the parent who has reported you must lead a very boring life. How pathetic to report to the school - I’m sure they have much more important things to be dealing with then what has been said in a mums WhatsApp group chat. She has just made herself look like a right nob. I wouldn’t worry about it in the slightest - and unless the teacher in question has a massive rod up his backside then I’m sure he won’t be bothered either.

I’m glad some of you find it funny! I can assure you, there was no kidnap attempt - we were joking, believe it or not. A misguided platform to have used to share it on, of course and I am suitably embarrassed!

I liked the earlier suggestion that the teacher should dish out a punishment - I can think of a couple of ideas 😉

No, but you were responding to a comment which said “both those comments are pretty inappropriate tbh” plus the OP’s comment which suggested sitting on the teachers face, was also not the same as saying they found them attractive.

School safeguarding lead here. Parents WhatsApp groups are a giant pain in my ample arse!

Unfortunately, some parents forget that WhatsApp isn't private. It's not unusual for things said between parents on a class WhatsApp group become public knowledge. Comments get screenshotted and shared with parents in other classes, or even other schools, or posted to more public platforms like Facebook. Sometimes parents don't realise that the Teacher they're slagging off/perving over on the class WhatsApp group is actually related to, or friends with, someone on the group, so it gets back to them. We've even had parents show their kids messages, and the kids then repeat things in school.

The last thing I want to be doing with my time is trying to Police the behaviour of adults on social media. But sometimes we have no choice but to get involved because things get so out of hand.
People start rumours in class WhatsApp groups that we then have to quash because we get concerned parents ringing us or turning up. We've had parents starting what I can only describe as Witch Hunts on WhatsApp about vulnerable children with SEND, encouraging other parents to complain to the school to "get them expelled"...which is not how it works, obviously. Then there's the fallings out...Christ on a bike, some of these Mum's cannot let things go! We've had Mums threatening each other with violence and threatening to make malicious safeguarding reports to the school, all because of a disagreement on Whatsapp. It impacts on the kids too, a couple of Year 6 boys had a fight last year because one was angry about something the other lads Mum had said to his Mum on the class WhatsApp group.

OP, your comment was really grim and I can see why some of the other parents on the group might have found it deeply uncomfortable. Reporting it to the school seems extreme, but you don't know what's going on for people I suppose. There could be religious or cultural sensitivities at play. Thinking about some of the Mums I work with who are in coercive and controlling relationships (too many, sadly) they may have felt panicked that their DP's would see the messages and be angry with them. They may have a personal connection to the Teacher in question and be offended on his behalf. Maybe they were just having a bad day, who knows. Whatever their motivation, if this was reported to me I probably wouldn't contact you directly based on the information you've given us. I would probably send something out to all parents with words of advice about WhatsApp not actually being private and politely asking parents to be mindful that things they post about school or school staff could potentially be shared.

If you really made that comment then it's totally inappropriate. And vomit-worthy.

I would not have reported you b ut I would have thought differently about your social judgment.

DS1 has a hot physics teacher and the most we get in our class whatsapp group was the comment 'I might have to discuss Physics very very often'.

Do you imagine that men and women are exactly the same in terms of strength and ability to carry a baby? If you think they’re different, stop posting such silly game playing provocation.