Another parent has reported me to my DD’s school for comment in a WhatsApp group

[Wonderwallafterall]

Hi all,

A bit of an unusual/embarrassing one which I’d welcome your thoughts on.

I am in a Mum’s WhatsApp group with others from my DD’s class. It’s often a useful reminder for things needed the next day and has been used to organise parties/confirm attendance etc.

Usually, a few people will put something in there on a Friday/Saturday such as ‘enjoy your weekend’ and often accompanied by a photo of a glass of whatever they are drinking.

Weekend just gone, someone put a photo of their drink whilst in a bar and said they’d just seen one of the teachers from the older years in there too.

He’s somewhat attractive, let’s just say, and a couple of people replied to that along the lines of ‘no photo of him?!’ and ‘I bet you won’t be leaving in a hurry’.

A friend of mine then replied with something a bit more ‘colourful’ and I followed up with something similar. In my defence, I was drinking and a bit carried away - when I read it back the next day I was mortified.

Anyway, one of the Mum’s left the group and to cut to the chase, I’ve since learnt she has reported the comments to the school. She is usually quiet in there and mainly keeps herself to herself IRL too.

Am I overthinking this but surely other than me being suitably humiliated if the teacher ever learns of what was said, I’ve not actually done anything wrong as commenting on a teacher is not a crime?

Hmm. If a bunch of dads were speaking about a female teacher in that manner I’d assume Mumsnet would be grossed out.

“Nowhere to sit? Go on sit on Miss Smith’s face!”

”Haha, yeah Dave, go and bundle Miss Smith into a taxi and straight into the bedroom lad!”

Gross.

Anyway, I don’t think a parent in the chat should have reported it to the school. Wether it was mums/dads/female teacher/male teacher scenario. No direct harassment was sent, and the teacher in question wasn’t being threatened or spoken badly about.

Nothing much will come from it. Apart from the embarrassment which you will get over. & obviously knowing which members of the WhatsApp group to avoid and have at arms length.

I work in a school. It will either be ignored or laughed about in the staffroom.

Oh gosh. Personally I’d find it funny but if a woman posted on here that her DH had made the same comment about a female teacher everyone would scream LTB, it’s completely unacceptable etc. Would any woman find it amusing if a bunch of women were talking about her husband like that? Perhaps the famous MN Cool Wife would be ok with it😂

I remember DD’s Y2 teacher…every mum in the school fancied him and there were a few comments about him on one of the group chats. Nothing in the league of OP’s joke though! I think I’d only make a remark like that in a smaller group setting if I knew every other mum really well. It stands to reason that on a large group chat someone would find OP’s comment inappropriate.

Quite. They're too busy to be making a big drama of it.

Class Whatsapps are a pain. So many silly rumours get out of hand on them.

My advice to parents is never say anything on there that you wouldn't say to someone's face. It's probably best to treat it like a work whatsapp tbh, and the other parents on it as clients who you wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of. Quite often things said on class whatsapps get back to the office/staffroom. You'd be amazed at the connections between people - someone's nan is a dinner lady or their niece works as a TA etc etc.

Just keep it very professional.

The usual double standards applying here.

Drunk posting is not a great idea, especially on a school related chat.

Yes not the best comment and def sexual

yes I get what some are saying that if it was a dad perving over a female teacher it would be just as bad /reported

you will never know if the teacher actually knows it was you or the other mum only told the head who maybe hasn’t named names but told the male teacher

this is why my friend who is a teacher doesn’t teach near her home. She doesn’t want to see pupils or parents around her local town if out

but it has happened and nothing you can do will change it

never text when drunk

I can’t find this other thread about the teacher so if someone wants to link it or send me the link via message thanks

Gross comment to make in a group of people you don't know all that well in my opinion🙈 I'm not a prude in the slightest but that gave me the ick. I'd be mortified if I were you. But absolutely nothing illegal and there's no real repercussions they could impose. A WhatsApp group is nothing to do with the school so I reckon just forget it and move on. In future only make comments like that to close personal friends😅

Face-sitter is killing me. 😂

Yep!

I do understand your point about the inequality however leching mums aren’t a threat to a male teacher in the same way that lecherous dads would feel threatening to a female teacher. I do think it’s inappropriate, but it’s not the same thing.

Well the person who reported it hasn't told the teacher as far as we know but either way you can't say it isn't the OPs responsibility because she said it, she owns it and if the teacher is offended that is on her even if you want to share responsibility with the person who tells the teacher.

What would you say if it becomes the talk of the school, the teacher becomes aware of sniggering as he walks past, funny looks from people and he asks a friendly colleague what's going on? Is it now the colleagues fault if he tells him?

At the end of the day it was inappropriate and the only person responsible for that is the person who made the remark.

Puzzled at the posters saying they'd find the comments hilarious. Trashy, crude, vulgar, yes, can't think how it's funny. People need to get out more

I agree.
They may be the stuff of fiction but I've yet to meet a predatory woman in real life.

I think it’s maybe funny in that excruciating way - kind of laugh so you don’t cry.

The joke wasn’t funny per se, but op’s predicament is sort of cringe-funny.

I think it’s a wake-up though that actually people are inclined to say things about men that would cause outrage if said about a woman. It’s double standards.

If I teacher , employed by the school , and a code of conduct made a comment like this of course he would be called out / in trouble.
A mum however isn’t subject to a code of practice.
It is embarrassing but that’s all! The mos the school would ever do is mention to you someone has complained etc.

What a grim comment. If it was reversed there would be uproar.

Most people have said its inappropriate and you can't actually scream on MN

You understand there's a difference though in the social relationship between your husband and the school. You can end any social relationship you want for whatever reason, and everyone is entitled to their own personal boundaries but you wouldn't report your husband to the school!

This woman was perfectly entitled to think OP was a lecherous creep, a complete knob. She's entitled to never engage with the OP ever again, but reporting it to the school is unecessary and weird

Not predatory but still enough to maybe make someone feel really uncomfortable/creeped out/intimidated. I’m no threat to my DS’s teacher, as in, I can’t rape him. That’s what you mean isn’t it? But why should that give me the green light to say whatever the fuck I want?

Brace yourself 🤣

Think if someone is going to make what I find a very rude comment like what you did then it should be with people that you know very well like best friends, a school WhatsApp group is not the place😬

Howlin' 😂

If the school say anything, which I very much doubt they will, I'd state that others in the group suggested worse (I mean, kidnap?! 😆) and that adults making a joke between themselves is not a crime or a matter for the school.

Talk about an enormous over reaction!

Miss prudey pants clearly can't recognise a joke, never mind take one.

I'd have to needle her in the group cus I'm a petty bitch but it's probably a better idea to avoid such chat on the class group in future.

Maybe start a new class group chat with the people you're mates with?

Sometimes it’s difficult to know where the line is in these kinds of WhatsApp groups. But you mentioned that it’s useful for keeping up with key events etc. - that’s how I’d treat it. Like a workplace, what I may say in my friendship group is very different to what I would say in a chat group like this.

I think this other mother overreacted to go to the school, as this has absolutely nothing to do with them. It's a group chat between mothers of classmates and it has no connection to the school and is not their problem. This would be like if you made a comment she didn't like at one of the children's birthday parties. Would she think she could running to the school to complain then?

She sounds really childish and easily offended. I can't imagine the school contacting you.

Maybe the OP from that thread is Miss Prudey Pants from the class chat group?!

Definitely the same vibe!