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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU being against my neighbor having a party on the same day as my DC’s?

162 replies

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 13:39

its my DC’s first birthday and I sent out invitations a month ago. I also invited my neighbor.
i will have a few babies over and about 12 adults.

A couple of days ago my neighbor told me she’s planning on having a party in her garden (that’s over the hedge from mine), with a big bbq and about 20-25 adults. They will be outside from the morning until the night, alcohol obviously involved.

I am concerned about the noise and the smoke overstimulating the children and basically ruining my party.
AIBU for thinking that it’s a very inconsiderate thing to do and asking her to change the date of her party?

OP posts:
LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 07/05/2025 14:45

4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/05/2025 14:28

No @LadyBracknellsHandbagg but being a first time parent particularly for the first year can be very stressful. I may be biased as I had crippling PND which impacted my thoughts for a long time but I just feel tearing this woman down for asking a question and being rude and calling her selfish/entitled etc just seems a bit much. You can make your point without being nasty.

For those of us that have been there, we are aware of how hard and challenging it can be, and I’m sorry that you had PND, that must have been terrible. However, I think you might be projecting a bit here, no two situations are the same and the OP hasn’t indicated that she has PND, simply that she wants a perfect scenario for the birthday party. Encouraging young mums to strive for perfection is regressive and unhelpful, child rearing is hard and often thankless and we all do the best we can. Maybe some posters have been a bit harsh whilst trying to use humour, but sometimes we all need our excesses pointing out to us, it helps us to relax and readjust our own, often unreasonable expectations of ourselves. I hope that you are recovered now 💐

nomas · 07/05/2025 14:47

What kind of party starts early morning and goes on until night?

HerNameIsDebbie · 07/05/2025 14:47

This isn't real....

CalleOcho · 07/05/2025 14:48

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:28

I’m concerned that it’s such a small space and it will be super loud. That it will just not be very enjoyable to be outside.
i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.
I’m probably too hang up on making sure everything is just perfect all the time. For example I got all the decorations 2 months ahead.

thank you everyone for replying, it just made me realise that I need to step back and chill a little, not be such a perfectionist all the time.
things don’t always have to play out exactly as I imagined and it’s ok.

Good for you for being sensible about this.

If the weather is nice and the sun is shining then of course it will be enjoyable, for everyone.

Unless the neighbours are complete crackheads or professional singers who love some karaoke - it probably won’t be super loud. The kids won’t be bothered or harmed by any potential BBQ smoke. I promise.

Fo what it’s worth- plans rarely play out exactly as we imagine it.

Try and live in the moment a bit more. We’d all be better off living for the moment and not stressing and fretting about what may or may not happen in the future. Life’s too short.

I hope everyone enjoys the party!

AnotherSadness · 07/05/2025 14:48

Pray for rain…it’s all you can do now.

MyDeftDuck · 07/05/2025 14:48

Pray for rain or for the wind to blow in the opposite direction.

Overthebow · 07/05/2025 14:49

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:28

I’m concerned that it’s such a small space and it will be super loud. That it will just not be very enjoyable to be outside.
i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.
I’m probably too hang up on making sure everything is just perfect all the time. For example I got all the decorations 2 months ahead.

thank you everyone for replying, it just made me realise that I need to step back and chill a little, not be such a perfectionist all the time.
things don’t always have to play out exactly as I imagined and it’s ok.

It might it not be ideal for babies if they are having a bbq as the smoke might come into your garden and you wouldn’t want babies out there with that. But there’s nothing you can actually do about it, she’s entitled to have a party that day too and a bbq. Any of your neighbors could do this and not tell you and you wouldn’t know until the day. If you want to avoid those things then you need to have the party where like a village hall.

pestowithwalnuts · 07/05/2025 14:50

Instead of tying to get your neighbour to change the date if her party...why don't you change yours ...
You're being massively unreasonable. You don't own the neighbourhood

Hardlyworking · 07/05/2025 14:50

MmeChoufleur · 07/05/2025 14:16

Maybe if you contact your local council they may enact a local lockdown, given that it’s such a special occasion, and make all non-party guests sit inside their homes in total silence.

Or even better decree all neighbours must stand outside banging pots and pans to celebrate the minute of birth.

Dita73 · 07/05/2025 14:50

Yes you should ask your neighbour to change the date then come back here and let us know what they said. I could do with a laugh

Nokiding · 07/05/2025 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AthWat · 07/05/2025 15:21

Have a heart, people! Imagine how sad her one year old will be when she remembers this occasion in 30 years time. Everyone's first birthday is a huge milestone, never to be forgotten.

AthWat · 07/05/2025 15:21

nomas · 07/05/2025 14:47

What kind of party starts early morning and goes on until night?

A good one.

SelinaPlace · 07/05/2025 15:23

namechangeGOT · 07/05/2025 14:24

but, what are you trying to protect your child from exactly?

Maybe the Op failed to mention that the neighbours are nudist swingers with a hot tub…?

EilishMcCandlish · 07/05/2025 15:24

Main character syndrome is strong with this one

TorturedParentsDepartment · 07/05/2025 15:27

namechangeGOT · 07/05/2025 14:24

but, what are you trying to protect your child from exactly?

Steak.
The gateway to hard substances like bacon.

Bobbyewingshowerscene · 07/05/2025 15:29

Wind up

overstimulated lol- by what Osmosis through the fence???

don’t be a bellend

ExpressCheckout · 07/05/2025 15:29

Are you in the US, @Mocha0202 , given your spelling of 'neighbor'?

Sirmagoo · 07/05/2025 15:37

Your guests won't overstay their welcome, so that's good. Maybe you will create some friendships or love connections over the hedge. If I were a guest at a baby's party, I'd want to crash the adult one.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:38

Can you hold yours inside?

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:40

If true then it’s another reason to add to my I’m glad that I live in the middle of nowhere list.

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:41

I’d love this, means you can go over when the others have gone. Babies are fine with bbqs as long as no one is putting them on one.

IridiumSky · 07/05/2025 15:44

What?

Adults are meeting in a garden and ALCOHOL is OBVIOUSLY involved.

It’s an absolute outrage.

Call the Police.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:48

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:41

I’d love this, means you can go over when the others have gone. Babies are fine with bbqs as long as no one is putting them on one.

I think as long as you go easy on the bbq sauce it’s okay once they are past 9 months? Don’t quote me on that though, it might be outdated advice.

IridiumSky · 07/05/2025 15:48

Dita73 · 07/05/2025 14:50

Yes you should ask your neighbour to change the date then come back here and let us know what they said. I could do with a laugh

That’s unlikely to be a long post! 😂

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