Was neighbour BU?

BarbarellaC · 2025-05-06T22:51:28+00:00

Will try and make it quick. I have a 10 (ish) month old cat. He has only started going out in the garden in the past few weeks since the weather has been warm. We have a fairly secure garden and, up to now, he has generally stayed in the garden but has wondered out once or twice (sometimes he just climbs the trees in our garden so we can't always see him), but always come back when we call him or rattle his biscuits. We live near a main road so I'm not keen on him venturing too far beyond our garden. He has a new tractive tracker but hates wearing it so DH took it off him last night and I didn't have time to chase him t9 put it back on before I went to work. So he didn't have it on today. I let him out at just after 8pm when it was still light and, when I came downstairs again, the cat was nowhere to be seen. Called him, rattled biscuits, nothing. By then I was worried because he had never taken so long to come back. So I went out to look for him and did a couple of rounds at the back and front of our house. Then knocked on our nice neighbour's door and he kindly said he would look in his garden. Knocked on the other neighbour's door (youngish couple, no kids) and, despite their lights being on, they didn't answer the door. It was obviously me as they have a sensor light so I lit up like Blackpool tower while standing on their doorstep. No answer still. By the time I walked back around the block, DH called to say the cat had emerged. He had jumped over the second neighbour's fence. So, he was in their garden and had they been kind enough to look, they would have spotted him. Anyway, all fine in the end. Cat is OK and won't be going out without his tracker again. I can't stop him from jumping over the high fence and going into the neighbour's garden though. But, my AIBU is whether I am wrong to think the neighbour was being unreasonable in not opening the door to someone who is obviously a neighbour and likely in need of help / a favour? The men never talk to us but, if a neighbour knocked on my door at 8.30pm, I would answer it because it seems like the kind and neighbourly thing to do.

B1anche · 07/05/2025 00:03

I wouldn't have answered the door that late. They were probably relaxing and didn't want to get up. Sounds like it wasn't exactly an emergency in any case.

Offleyhoo · 07/05/2025 00:09

I think yabvu as you don't know what they were doing, plus, asking a neighbour to look for your cat is not reasonable in any case unless you believe it to be injured or sick, especially not at that time of the evening.

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:10

Is 8.30 late? We live in London, so it doesn't feel that late, particularly in spring.

It wasn't an emergency (obviously I was worried, but I accept no one else is obliged to care about my cat), but they weren't to know that.

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Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:12

Offleyhoo · 07/05/2025 00:09

I think yabvu as you don't know what they were doing, plus, asking a neighbour to look for your cat is not reasonable in any case unless you believe it to be injured or sick, especially not at that time of the evening.

I didn't know that it was unreasonable to ask a neighbour to check their garden for a cat. Genuinely. This is our first proper pet and we only rehomed 4 months ago, so still a bit nervous.

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2024onwardsandup · 07/05/2025 00:14

You have no idea what they were doing! They might have been mid shag, in the bath, playing twister.

they had no obligation to answer the door!

Bobbie12345 · 07/05/2025 00:15

Your post has made me chuckle. Way to try to make your own first world problems into other people’s problems. You have a cat you have chosen to let out, now you want people to send out search parties if he dares to leave your property. He was gone what, half an hour and you are running around trying to find him.

I know that wasn’t your question, you are assuming people should run to answer their door, but come on. Either keep him in or let him out and know he will wander. He is a cat.

Eenameenadeeka · 07/05/2025 00:17

Yeah, YABU. If the cat is actually missing for a couple of days you might start asking neighbors, but not at 8.30pm and not when it's been less than half an hour since you saw the cat. They might have been in the shower/in PJs (once my neighbor knocked at 830 am on a Sunday when I was doing housework in my PJs.. no way was I going to answer the door)
You can buy some rollers that you fit to the top of your fence to stop the cat from jumping over, then you don't have to worry. But cats climb fences and wander, that's just what they do.

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:18

Bobbie12345 · 07/05/2025 00:15

Your post has made me chuckle. Way to try to make your own first world problems into other people’s problems. You have a cat you have chosen to let out, now you want people to send out search parties if he dares to leave your property. He was gone what, half an hour and you are running around trying to find him.

I know that wasn’t your question, you are assuming people should run to answer their door, but come on. Either keep him in or let him out and know he will wander. He is a cat.

Yeah that's fair. I mentioned I'm a new cat owner, so still a bit nervous and protective of him.

To be fair though, people post about first world problems all the time......

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Redbushteaforme · 07/05/2025 00:18

Most people would answer the door in my experience, and 8.30pm isn't late. However, this is Mumsnet where apparently most people don't answer their doors and go into fortress mode sometime around teatime!

Frozensun · 07/05/2025 00:19

Your home is your sanctuary. You have the right to ignore your doorbell at any and all times. I think you’re being unreasonable to ask if they’re unreasonable - of course they can ignore the doorbell. I like cats, but honestly I couldn’t be bothered checking my yard for one. They’ll reappear when they’re ready.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/05/2025 00:19

They could have been working from home , on a video call or just busy on a call to family or friends. Lots of reasons why someone may not be available to open the door to a neighbour.

My husband works from home , often until late in the evening and he would not open the door if mid call.

My daughter 16 won't open the door to anyone if she is alone in the house - it's annoying but she is too anxious ever since a grumpy delivery driver was rude to her when she was younger.

My son 19 never answers the door when he's gaming - if I forget my key I have to text him to let him know I need letting in.

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:21

Eenameenadeeka · 07/05/2025 00:17

Yeah, YABU. If the cat is actually missing for a couple of days you might start asking neighbors, but not at 8.30pm and not when it's been less than half an hour since you saw the cat. They might have been in the shower/in PJs (once my neighbor knocked at 830 am on a Sunday when I was doing housework in my PJs.. no way was I going to answer the door)
You can buy some rollers that you fit to the top of your fence to stop the cat from jumping over, then you don't have to worry. But cats climb fences and wander, that's just what they do.

They were in the front room, so not in the shower (could be standing up snagging I suppose!) but I accept I was overly panicking.

I still know that, if the tables were turned, I'd answer my door to a neighbour at 8.30pm, even if all they wanted was a cup of sugar.

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Saphire123 · 07/05/2025 00:21

We have various cats visiting our garden, even though we don't actually own a cat of our own.
If neighbours knocked every time one of them ventures in, I would forever be answering the door.

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:21

Redbushteaforme · 07/05/2025 00:18

Most people would answer the door in my experience, and 8.30pm isn't late. However, this is Mumsnet where apparently most people don't answer their doors and go into fortress mode sometime around teatime!

I do wonder whether that's a regional or rural / urban thing though. Tea at 5pm, bed by 8pm.

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Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:24

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/05/2025 00:19

They could have been working from home , on a video call or just busy on a call to family or friends. Lots of reasons why someone may not be available to open the door to a neighbour.

My husband works from home , often until late in the evening and he would not open the door if mid call.

My daughter 16 won't open the door to anyone if she is alone in the house - it's annoying but she is too anxious ever since a grumpy delivery driver was rude to her when she was younger.

My son 19 never answers the door when he's gaming - if I forget my key I have to text him to let him know I need letting in.

Completely understand re kids / teens. These are two grown men though. But I accept they could have been busy and also not obliged to open the door.

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TheHerboriste · 07/05/2025 00:26

You shouldn’t allow your cat to trespass.
put something on your fence to keep them in.

BungleandGeorge · 07/05/2025 00:28

I do t understand how they would know it’s you from their living room. They are quite entitled to not answer their door though, they could have been on a work call, webinar, mid dinner or whatever else!
if you’re going to let your cat out it’s going to roam everywhere, including in peoples’ gardens (who would probably rather your cat didn’t). It’s also going to make it round to your busy front road. If you’re feeling nervous it’s possibly because you have what is technically still a kitten roaming in a busy urban area. Cat proofing your garden can work well

TheHerboriste · 07/05/2025 00:28

I wouldn’t answer the door at 8:30pm if it were King Charles offering me a damehood.

Your emergency (self induced by allowing your pet to roam and trespass) isn’t their emergency.

Your cat is young. Get it a catio.

BournardTourney · 07/05/2025 00:29

You did nothing wrong Op, yes they should have opened the door. As your cat gets older you’ll learn his habits (but these may change to suit him!) and you should always trust your instincts.
My adult cat hadn’t come home and everyone went to bed but I knew it was out of character so I searched the streets and did a door to door (it was later than 8:30) turns out they were trapped on a neighbours property (unharmed but eager for home) and would have only been found by the next time the neighbour needed to open that part of the property

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:33

TheHerboriste · 07/05/2025 00:28

I wouldn’t answer the door at 8:30pm if it were King Charles offering me a damehood.

Your emergency (self induced by allowing your pet to roam and trespass) isn’t their emergency.

Your cat is young. Get it a catio.

Genuine question, how is 8.30 late?

Also, what's a catio?! Sounds fun.

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Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:35

BournardTourney · 07/05/2025 00:29

You did nothing wrong Op, yes they should have opened the door. As your cat gets older you’ll learn his habits (but these may change to suit him!) and you should always trust your instincts.
My adult cat hadn’t come home and everyone went to bed but I knew it was out of character so I searched the streets and did a door to door (it was later than 8:30) turns out they were trapped on a neighbours property (unharmed but eager for home) and would have only been found by the next time the neighbour needed to open that part of the property

Yeah him getting trapped and scared really frightens me. That's why I l knocked on their door, even though it wasn't a real emergency. Just assumed they would be a bit kinder!

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Poppyseeds79 · 07/05/2025 00:36

I don't like my cats going out. They still do because they've grown up doing that pre coming to me. I limit it to either in the daytime if I'm in the garden myself, and they're too nosey to not follow me. Or they do the mad dash out the front door as I come in on a night, mooch round to the back door and come in when I rattle biscuits.

I don't feed them their evening food until they come back in. If they went out after food they'd lose the motivation to come in again. They're pretty street wise and it's quiet here... However, they do still dash across the residential road, and sometimes just plonk themselves in the middle of it 😒

Yours will roam given the option OP. I take it he's been neutered already? But the urge for some cats to explore is very high. Plus everything smells very interesting to them now the grass is being mown.

FoxesBisQuit · 07/05/2025 00:38

Ah, that’s sweet op. Love that you love your cat so much, it’s like PFB feline version. ☺️

BlondiePortz · 07/05/2025 00:41

Then keep your cat in, if you need to disturb your neighbours because you cant handle a cat then that is a you issue

I cant beleve anyone needs to be told this

Original poster

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 00:42

Poppyseeds79 · 07/05/2025 00:36

I don't like my cats going out. They still do because they've grown up doing that pre coming to me. I limit it to either in the daytime if I'm in the garden myself, and they're too nosey to not follow me. Or they do the mad dash out the front door as I come in on a night, mooch round to the back door and come in when I rattle biscuits.

I don't feed them their evening food until they come back in. If they went out after food they'd lose the motivation to come in again. They're pretty street wise and it's quiet here... However, they do still dash across the residential road, and sometimes just plonk themselves in the middle of it 😒

Yours will roam given the option OP. I take it he's been neutered already? But the urge for some cats to explore is very high. Plus everything smells very interesting to them now the grass is being mown.

Yes neutered and chipped. Good point about going out after food, will avoid that in future, thanks!

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