Was neighbour BU?

[BarbarellaC]

Will try and make it quick. I have a 10 (ish) month old cat. He has only started going out in the garden in the past few weeks since the weather has been warm.

We have a fairly secure garden and, up to now, he has generally stayed in the garden but has wondered out once or twice (sometimes he just climbs the trees in our garden so we can't always see him), but always come back when we call him or rattle his biscuits. We live near a main road so I'm not keen on him venturing too far beyond our garden.

He has a new tractive tracker but hates wearing it so DH took it off him last night and I didn't have time to chase him t9 put it back on before I went to work. So he didn't have it on today. I let him out at just after 8pm when it was still light and, when I came downstairs again, the cat was nowhere to be seen. Called him, rattled biscuits, nothing. By then I was worried because he had never taken so long to come back.

So I went out to look for him and did a couple of rounds at the back and front of our house. Then knocked on our nice neighbour's door and he kindly said he would look in his garden. Knocked on the other neighbour's door (youngish couple, no kids) and, despite their lights being on, they didn't answer the door. It was obviously me as they have a sensor light so I lit up like Blackpool tower while standing on their doorstep. No answer still.

By the time I walked back around the block, DH called to say the cat had emerged. He had jumped over the second neighbour's fence. So, he was in their garden and had they been kind enough to look, they would have spotted him.

Anyway, all fine in the end. Cat is OK and won't be going out without his tracker again. I can't stop him from jumping over the high fence and going into the neighbour's garden though.

But, my AIBU is whether I am wrong to think the neighbour was being unreasonable in not opening the door to someone who is obviously a neighbour and likely in need of help / a favour?

The men never talk to us but, if a neighbour knocked on my door at 8.30pm, I would answer it because it seems like the kind and neighbourly thing to do.

Ok, that's what you would do. Other people can and will choose to do things differently - that doesn't make them 'wrong'. I dearly wish more people understood this.

Exactly and the chances are, had they opened their back to look, your cat would have scarpered quickly anyway.

At least now you know your cat can go out for a wander and will return.

I have had many cats, none now, the last died maybe five years back, pushing twenty.

I never tracked any of them. Latterly I had them microchipped just in case but they were free to go out and explore. They always came back home, had a good life.

Your pussy will be fine. Please relax.

Do you seriously not comprehend that different people have different sleep patterns and shift patterns?

I arise at 5am AND have significant insomnia. I need to retire at 8pm, at least to read and relax, if I want any hope of a couple of 2-3 hour blocks of sleep.

People unexpectedly banging at my door at 8:30 would set that back by a couple of hours.

I wasn't banging, why do you think that?

Oh ffs. Banging, knocking, whatever the fuck. Don’t bother people in the evening.

Why are you being rude and sweary to me?

I honestly didn't think 8.30 was late or that it is rude to ring a neighbour's doorbell.

I do accept that searching for my silly cat is not an emergency.

They were sharing helpful information that you have been very clear that you needed (reasons why 8:30pm is too late for them).

You chose to respond by argumentatively picking at the use of the word 'banging', and not acknowledging anything else (which could be interpreted as 'doubling-down' on the obliviousness that is the source of your issue).

I'm guessing that is why you have received a reply delivered in a frustrated tone.

A catio is an enclosed patio for cats so they can go out and stay safe/not contribute to decimating bird populations.

You can also cat-proof your fencing to keep them just in your garden. There’s netting as well as rollers that prevent them from going over. The rollers seem like a really good option. I’d intended to have them installed when I moved abroad (too many predators here for cats to go out) but ended up taking on a cat with a fused joint that doesn’t climb fences and is easily contained.

The cat strolled back in minutes later. Even if it was in your neighbours garden it’s a cat you have let to roam free. Your annoying people before you have even looked around

Because you sound very deliberately disingenuous even after being told that people don’t like to be bothered in the evening.

You’re still making it sound as though others, not you, are in the wrong. “I assume this” and “genuinely that” and “i wasn’t banging” in wide-eyed innocence even after specifically being told why people aren’t obliged to disturb themselves to assist you.

So because I asked why they had said I was banging, I am being "argumentative". Yet they literally swear back in their reply and they are just "frustrated". I think that logic is a bit skewed.

If you look at my replies, I've acknowledged the points made, acknowledged my shortcomings and asked questions. I even asked the sweary poster what a catio was after she suggested it, but she didn't reply to that.

Don’t stress it OP. As has been said, there are so many different scenarios why they couldn’t answer the door. I’ve done it loads for reasons varying from being sick in bed, naked from a shower, etc. I don’t think it’s anything personal.

Thanks, will take a look at these options.

So we can't ask questions or explain why we made assumptions? I'm not being disingenuous, just genuinely explaining what I thought at the time and acknowledging that people are different.

I don't think it's rude or too late to knock, but I'm young with no kids like your neighbours and we'd be about 50/50 on whether we answered the door at that time of night if not expecting someone. Based entirely on whether we could be arsed or were doing something mildly more interesting.
If someone was distressed or shouting "fire" or something of course we'd answer.
I would have helped you look for your cat though, I love cats. But wouldn't have known that when you knocked, would assume yet another neighbour is looking for yet another misplaced amazon package.

OP you have decided you were right and I really dont know what you are getting from this, you might be typing you relaise you should not expect your neigbours to have answered but I am not sure any of us beleive you understand

what do you want from this thread?

I feel like knocking earlier would be more inconvenient since they'd likely still be having dinner, but this is mumsnet so I'm sure there's a set interval of about 5 mins only where it would've been acceptable.

I wouldn't over think it. Most of the time I'd answer the door at that time but there are various times I might not. I might be out in the back garden. Then I won't hear you. I might have a migraine and be in too much pain to move off the bed to deal with someone at the door. I did once hear the neighbour's kid knocking because his ball was in my backyard. I'd just jumped in the shower and wasn't going to get out, get dressed and answer the door for anyone. They had bad timing and I wasn't available.

I wouldn't want a neighbour to knock for their cat on the regular.

He has a new tractive tracker but hates wearing it so DH took it off him last night and I didn't have time to chase him t9 put it back on before I went to work. So he didn't have it on today. I let him out at just after 8pm when it was still light

You couldn't be arsed to put the tracker on the cat, they couldn't be arsed to open the door! I'm sure you had your reasons just as I'm sure they had theirs! 🤷

Oh.nooo. Surely this goes against having cats for the first instance, I do not have any bird tables as this is just an easy kill zone for them. But we have very few rats and mice here. They don't kill frogs but bring them in.

your fault for not putting the tracker on and now shifting the blame the neighbours who have no obligation to answer their door

what an idiotic post

If your cat hasn’t been home for 24 hours, it’s absolutely fine to ask neighbours to check. But it’s totally ridiculous to let a cat out at 8pm and then be so panicked when it hasn’t returned within 30 minutes that you’re bothering your neighbours.

You simply aren’t equipped to have an indoor/outdoor cat if that is how you are going to behave. Cats don’t always come when called - if they’re enjoying being outside on a summer evening and don’t want to come in, they will deliberately ignore you. It’s simply part of cat ownership.

You’re a new cat mum 🐾 and it’s still very early days for your kitten to be venturing out into new territory and so you naturally feel anxious ❤️ plus you live near a busy road ..
You’ll get used to his ‘roamings’ and he clearly is very loved , so he’ll be fine and come back home when he’s had a good mooch.
Pity more kitty owners aren’t as caring and loving as you xx 🐈‍⬛

How awful. As if amphibians aren’t threatened enough as it is.

Could you see them?
I usually leave my living room/hall lights on when I go out so it looks like I'm home to burglars.
I really don't think people have an obligation to answer the door, though.