Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was neighbour BU?

207 replies

BarbarellaC · 06/05/2025 23:51

Will try and make it quick. I have a 10 (ish) month old cat. He has only started going out in the garden in the past few weeks since the weather has been warm.

We have a fairly secure garden and, up to now, he has generally stayed in the garden but has wondered out once or twice (sometimes he just climbs the trees in our garden so we can't always see him), but always come back when we call him or rattle his biscuits. We live near a main road so I'm not keen on him venturing too far beyond our garden.

He has a new tractive tracker but hates wearing it so DH took it off him last night and I didn't have time to chase him t9 put it back on before I went to work. So he didn't have it on today. I let him out at just after 8pm when it was still light and, when I came downstairs again, the cat was nowhere to be seen. Called him, rattled biscuits, nothing. By then I was worried because he had never taken so long to come back.

So I went out to look for him and did a couple of rounds at the back and front of our house. Then knocked on our nice neighbour's door and he kindly said he would look in his garden. Knocked on the other neighbour's door (youngish couple, no kids) and, despite their lights being on, they didn't answer the door. It was obviously me as they have a sensor light so I lit up like Blackpool tower while standing on their doorstep. No answer still.

By the time I walked back around the block, DH called to say the cat had emerged. He had jumped over the second neighbour's fence. So, he was in their garden and had they been kind enough to look, they would have spotted him.

Anyway, all fine in the end. Cat is OK and won't be going out without his tracker again. I can't stop him from jumping over the high fence and going into the neighbour's garden though.

But, my AIBU is whether I am wrong to think the neighbour was being unreasonable in not opening the door to someone who is obviously a neighbour and likely in need of help / a favour?

The men never talk to us but, if a neighbour knocked on my door at 8.30pm, I would answer it because it seems like the kind and neighbourly thing to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 21:55

CluelessStyle · 07/05/2025 21:50

I did google it OP out of interest. This is what I found out:

No, answering the door is generally not considered a value judgment in a philosophical sense. Value judgments involve opinions about what is "good" or "bad," "right" or "wrong," or "ought to be". Answering the door is a simple action with no inherent moral or ethical implications.

While you might have reasons for answering (e.g., politeness, expected behavior) or reasons for not answering (e.g., safety concerns, privacy), these reasons themselves are not value judgments.

You are so obsessed with me. I don't hate it.

OP posts:
CluelessStyle · 07/05/2025 22:12

BarbarellaC · 07/05/2025 21:55

You are so obsessed with me. I don't hate it.

Show quote history

I'll be showing up at your door tomorrow. Will you answer?

Original poster
BarbarellaC · 08/05/2025 00:14

CluelessStyle · 07/05/2025 22:12

I'll be showing up at your door tomorrow. Will you answer?

Show quote history

100%

Will even pop the kettle on

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 08/05/2025 00:16

An observation, OP - while I haven’t read all the comments, I’ve noticed that you’re arguing with a lot of people.
That automatically makes people angry and sets them against you.
Just a thought.
Did your neighbour know it was you? Because I don’t see how they could be unreasonable by simply not answering their door. Maybe they were eating - we used to eat that late when my dad got home from work. Maybe they were having sex - did you think of that? And maybe, just maybe, they just didn’t feel like getting up and answering the door - completely and totally their right as homeowners.
I’m sure had they known it was urgent they would’ve hurried to the door for you - but nobody is a mind reader, all due respect.
I’m really happy your cat is okay. Our pets are incredibly precious to us.

HamptonPlace · 08/05/2025 09:40

BarbarellaC · 06/05/2025 23:51

Will try and make it quick. I have a 10 (ish) month old cat. He has only started going out in the garden in the past few weeks since the weather has been warm.

We have a fairly secure garden and, up to now, he has generally stayed in the garden but has wondered out once or twice (sometimes he just climbs the trees in our garden so we can't always see him), but always come back when we call him or rattle his biscuits. We live near a main road so I'm not keen on him venturing too far beyond our garden.

He has a new tractive tracker but hates wearing it so DH took it off him last night and I didn't have time to chase him t9 put it back on before I went to work. So he didn't have it on today. I let him out at just after 8pm when it was still light and, when I came downstairs again, the cat was nowhere to be seen. Called him, rattled biscuits, nothing. By then I was worried because he had never taken so long to come back.

So I went out to look for him and did a couple of rounds at the back and front of our house. Then knocked on our nice neighbour's door and he kindly said he would look in his garden. Knocked on the other neighbour's door (youngish couple, no kids) and, despite their lights being on, they didn't answer the door. It was obviously me as they have a sensor light so I lit up like Blackpool tower while standing on their doorstep. No answer still.

By the time I walked back around the block, DH called to say the cat had emerged. He had jumped over the second neighbour's fence. So, he was in their garden and had they been kind enough to look, they would have spotted him.

Anyway, all fine in the end. Cat is OK and won't be going out without his tracker again. I can't stop him from jumping over the high fence and going into the neighbour's garden though.

But, my AIBU is whether I am wrong to think the neighbour was being unreasonable in not opening the door to someone who is obviously a neighbour and likely in need of help / a favour?

The men never talk to us but, if a neighbour knocked on my door at 8.30pm, I would answer it because it seems like the kind and neighbourly thing to do.

Classic MN response (by others, not you OP!) that there is no such thing as a community, empathy. I've been in your position, and your neighbours' position, and not once did it cross my mind that making such a request, or acceding to such a request, would be unreasonable. Pets are not flowers, they are important and someone looking for a lost one should be accorded the respect such a minimally intrusive request involves!

Arancia · 08/05/2025 10:18

I would open the door to a neighbour, but if I didn't it would be for a reason. Maybe I was doing something and couldn't come to the door in that moment, or maybe I was on the phone, or whatever.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/05/2025 10:20

HamptonPlace · 08/05/2025 09:40

Classic MN response (by others, not you OP!) that there is no such thing as a community, empathy. I've been in your position, and your neighbours' position, and not once did it cross my mind that making such a request, or acceding to such a request, would be unreasonable. Pets are not flowers, they are important and someone looking for a lost one should be accorded the respect such a minimally intrusive request involves!

Show quote history

Indeed it should. But equally, the people not answering the door don't know what the knock is for, so shouldn't be judged for not "according the respect" for a request they didn't get because for one (perfectly valid) reason or another they were not able to come to the door.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page