Children should be seen and not heard

[ItsUpToYou]

Does anyone else think we’re slowly (very slowly) heading back to this attitude towards children? From the families who plonk iPads in front of their kids at every unstructured moment to keep them quiet, to the constant complaints on MN about children (who aren’t plonked on their iPads) playing too loudly in their gardens or wherever else, it seems like the overall consensus is that children either need to be perfectly placid at all times or completely silent.

Everything is so structured and regimented for children nowadays in a way that it wasn’t when I was growing up in the 90s. The way DM described her childhood in the 60s and 70s sounds ever freer than mine was.

AIBU to feel a bit sorry for the current generation of children (and feel super pressured as a parent to make sure my children appear “perfectly placid” at all times for fear of judgement!)

Other people’s kids are horrible though. I think there’s a sharp increase in children being allowed to make the lives of others a misery.

play in the garden but please don’t shriek and scream at quite such a loud staccato level?

Hmm, not really. The children that are on iPads at meals are typically also the ones screaming their heads off in the gardens later on.

It’s more about neglectful parenting and not teaching children basic manners and consideration for others.

I don't know where you live but kids don't even have basic respect for property or adults anymore where I am. Bring back 90s kids who had basic manners

Most of the kids I know are completely out of control!

The problem is gardens are smaller I swear.

I don't find other people's kids horrible...just as I wouldn't say I find all adults horrible or all elderly people horrible.

I feel like there is a back story. Are your kids really loud / poorly behaved / lacking in respectfulness ?

Do you practice gentle parenting by any chance ?

What baffles me, I am childless admittedly, it's the lack of conversation between children and adults. I enjoy a good discussion with my friends kids, I always learn something. And it helps them develop their social and thinking skills.

This 👆 it's laziness from the parents. Can't be arsed to engage with their kids so give them a screen, can't be arsed to teach them respect and manners so let them annoy everyone else.

No people don’t complain about my children at all to be honest. My eldest is almost teenager (and has always been a very well behaved child) and my youngest is generally “placid”. Also we live in a flat with no garden so no neighbours to complain about us - any outdoor play is in a local park. I’m talking more generally about the attitudes I see and hear from others (see the first response on the thread).

This too. I’ve noticed generally that people are becoming increasingly intolerant of “other people’s children”. Every child is a brat except for their own.

Dont agree with this at all - our weekends (and everyone I know) - are totally centred around the kids. Parties, days out, walks, picnics, visiting family etc etc etc. If my kids have screen time, its because they’ve had a busy day and its their chill out time and I think it would be wierd for a child to come back from a busy day and still be leaping everywhere (obviously not referring to any child with special needs). Ipads have replaced tv which we watched hours of in the 80’s and 90’s.

When I was growing up, you were pretty much left to it at the weekend (have brilliant parents but parenting was different). Yes we played out lots but we also watched lots of tv (it wasn’t labelled as ‘screen time’ then even though it was!), played on our nintendos for hours, so that could be labelled as our parents wanting us ‘placid’. Middle class family and we probably went out for dinner twice a year. Lots of kids go out to dinner every week these days and perhaps the child on the ipad just needs abit of quiet time (same as the parents need a few minutes break - thats ok in my book). When you look around a restaurant, you have no idea of what the family have been upto that day.

I saw a meme today that said something along the lines of ‘I watched tv for 6 hours a day as a child and im sure my parents didn’t feel the guilt I do’.

This is actually a reasonable perspective. Don’t you think the way that adults talk about children in general is becoming more and more unpleasant though?

Problem is parents don’t want to parent any more! Why can’t people just enjoy their kids and enjoy spending time with them! If those parents spent more time interacting with them from an early age the less behaviour issues those kids would have and the nicer they would be to be around!

@ItsUpToYou

This has always been thus, not just for this generation of young people though?

I disagree. I think parents are more involved with their children’s lives nowadays than they were when I was growing up, whether that’s by helicoptering their every move or keeping them under control using the screens.

The part about everyone else’s child being a brat, maybe, but have adults always been this vocal about their disgust for children? I have never noticed it as much as I have in the last few years.

I'm a late sixties dc. My parents were odd but they never spoke to us at all. Never asked how we were, how was school, what did we think about anything, never helped with homework or helped with career planning, forgot to collect us from parties or school trips. They lived their own lives of parties and friends and we existed alongside. We went out all day on weekends and holidays. Watched a lot of tv with the curtains closed. In the eighties we started eating absolute junk with the introduction of freezers. But nobody judged them at all.

We pay a lot more attention to our dc.

I spend all my time with my kids and they have screen time when they drive me up the walls I feel like I don't want to parent however I don't actually feel like that just a few minutes peace everyone chill out for an hour and let mom have thinking space or I'm gonna be mean and moody when they play outside they scream their heads off but I will tell them don't climb don't scream don't do this dangerous shit be considerate we have neighbours but kids are just kids aren't they. Let them be but have some sort of authority behind. I baby mine too much in ways and at my eldest sons age back in the 90s I was up to all crap smoking playing out they just don't have that anymore and tbf the last generation that just passed through stabbings etc I'd rather be this way I may moan most the time but I do bloody care deeply

If we go to a restaurant and see a child on an ipad, we don’t know anything about the rest of the day. They may have been on a long walk, to a museum, to a party, chatting and interacting with people all day. Its because children are seen all the time these days (thankfully!), that we notice them at every moment. They need time to chill out too as do parents. Our kids live ridiculously busy lives.

Both our parents tell us stories of being left outside pubs as young kids with bags of crisps whilst the parents drank inside. That wasn’t considered bad parenting then and was totally the norm. I cannot imagine ever considering doing that these days.

YANBU. The U.K. is very child unfriendly. But dogs are apparently allowed everywhere and if you’re not ok with it there’s something wrong with you.

Yes op I totally agree and it’s tragic. I love to hear the sound of children playing chatting and laughing..to me it’s such a happy innocent natural sound. So many bitter people these days are intolerant. Have noticed on public transport in cafes etc. Sad world

@ItsUpToYou I certainly see your point, I should have said not all parents, just what I’ve observed with many parents.

@ItsUpToYou

"vocal about their disgust for children"

That's saddening you've experienced such attitudes.

You’re right about the tablets actually. I completely understand why parents would give their kids screens in restaurants etc. I do wonder, however, how many parents are doing this for fear of other people complaining about children simply existing (let’s be honest, not all children sit nice and quietly and dinner tables, no matter how many times the parents tell them to - lots of children just have loud voices!)