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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

723 replies

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 17:49

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 05/05/2025 19:51

Nopersbro · 05/05/2025 19:47

I don't know why the focus here is on your sister, unless you think she's not really too sick to work and therefore not entitled to those benefits. The real issue here seems to be that her partner CAN afford to financially support all of his children but chooses not to. She is allowing and covering up for this, but the core crime is his.

OP has clarified that her sister absolutely is entitled to the benefits she’s claiming, with the exception of not declaring her BF’s residence.

nomas · 05/05/2025 19:52

Rosscameasdoody · 05/05/2025 19:51

OP has clarified that her sister absolutely is entitled to the benefits she’s claiming, with the exception of not declaring her BF’s residence.

Edited
Show quote history

So therefore she’s not ‘absolutely entitled’ to all the benefits she’s receiving.

GarlicPile · 05/05/2025 19:52

amylou8 · 05/05/2025 18:03

And I'd tell my sister what he'd done so she had chance to get her ducks in a row.

I think DH was reasonable, and also agree with warning her. She's being an idiot and needs to straighten her life out. Her boyfriend should stump up for the overpayments, he's leeching off her and the benefits system. Whether he does or not, DSis needs to see this and make her choices accordingly.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/05/2025 19:55

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/05/2025 19:35

So she has a bloke who is pretty much leeching off her, your DH thinks he's using her and will fuck off if he's expected to pay his way - and his solution is to go for your sister and her child by cutting off the way that she pays her mortgage and feeds the pair of them?

Yes, instead of trying to get the leech to pay his way he’d rather try and get the woman put in jail and her child without a mum … it’s unbelievable really!!

Rosscameasdoody · 05/05/2025 19:56

nomas · 05/05/2025 19:52

So therefore she’s not ‘absolutely entitled’ to all the benefits she’s receiving.

Show quote history

Read the question l responded to. OP says she is claiming for legitimate health conditions. I was making the point that OP knows that the benefit claim is legit, the BF in residence is not.

WildflowerConstellations · 05/05/2025 19:57

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 05/05/2025 19:04

Technically it’s not fraud though as it doesn’t sound like she actually has access to her partner’s income/he makes a significant contribution to her finances/bills.

Basically she got herself a cocklodger and has been incredibly stupid and now she might lose her benefits and any financial security she had because of it.

Of course the partner should be supporting her and their child financially and fully contributing, rather than leaving it to the tax payer to support not just them , but him as well. Of course she should’ve declared she lives with him. Of course the situation is an absolute shit show and it will only get worse.

However , is your (or your husband’s ) life now any better? Did your financial situation suddenly improve? Did the unfairness stop? It’s one thing to report out of principle, it’s completely another to report out of spite/jealousy.

Yeah I think she's basically got a cocklodger who weirdly pays towards upkeep of a different home instead and she'll be fined on the assumption he's helping support her household when he seemingly is not

BMW6 · 05/05/2025 19:57

Your sister is a thief IMO. She is stealing from taxpayers.

AngelicKaty · 05/05/2025 19:57

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 19:22

There has been some confusion- when I say she was brought a house- ie her Dad put down a sizeable chunk of money and there is a mortgage on the remainder. Which she pays out of her benefits.

She isn’t claiming non means testing benefits- she’s on UC, signed off on long term sick. No dispute she would be eligible, because she is, but the issue is she isn’t declaring her partners income and the fact he lives there.

I don’t condone what she is doing- far from it. But it’s the potential consequences it could have- she could go to prison for goodness sake. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, especially their children who are innocents in it all.

But your DSis would have been aware of the potential consequences and has taken the risk anyway. 😮
The DWP would conduct an investigation before they decide whether or not to prosecute and even if they did, it wouldn't necessarily mean she'd go to prison if she were found guilty, but she would end up with a criminal record, of course. It would depend on how long they've been cohabiting, the evidence the DWP has (or can obtain) of that, and the size of the UC overpayment. It really doesn't help that her DP has registered anything which might link him to her address to his son's address instead, as it shows a degree of deliberate deception. 🤔

Starlight7080 · 05/05/2025 19:57

Wow this is bad. She had by the sounds of it a bad childhood then addiction. And now obviously in a relationship with a much older man due to poor parental figures in her life.
Much younger then you and your dh . But instead of speaking to her he reported her.
You two should sort out your bitterness. Which sounds like it's been ongoing especially with her being brought a house.
Who needs enemies when she has family like you .

nomas · 05/05/2025 19:58

Rosscameasdoody · 05/05/2025 19:56

Read the question l responded to. OP says she is claiming for legitimate health conditions. I was making the point that OP knows that the benefit claim is legit, the BF in residence is not.

Edited
Show quote history

But the BF not in residence is also a benefit claim?

It’s not nitpicking to say claiming benefit as a single person when she has a dp living with her is fraud.

LindorDoubleChoc · 05/05/2025 19:58

What sickness does your sister have and why is she pregnant if so sick she's unable to work and why are you all beyond excited about it?

What is your real beef with her partner and him giving money to the family he left for your sister?

ohmyfootreallyhurts · 05/05/2025 19:59

and if I was the child of the DSIS’s partner, who to all intents and purposes ditched his entire existing family to move in with her, I’d have no qualms in using him as a bank either

newyearsresolurion · 05/05/2025 20:00

Your sister should have kept quite

Away2000 · 05/05/2025 20:00

He’s rightfully annoyed about the situation. Sister is not setting a good example for her children and should be ashamed. Tax payers should not have to be wasting money on people like that.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 05/05/2025 20:00

Crikeyalmighty · 05/05/2025 19:24

@WhenYouSayNothingAtAll I don’t think that passes the sniff test though- how many women on here married and unmarried don’t really have access to partners income- they may well pay towards bills , or pay bigger part of the bills but the partner can’t access the rest- They aren’t all busy claiming UC because of this factor . If he is living there full time in a relationship and they have kids too then his income counts, regardless of what part of it she can access or how they work this between them.

That’s why I said technically, because that extra income, doesn’t actually exist in the household.Also morally, she’s not the one benefiting from the situation, he is. He is also the one actually defrauding the system, but of course his hands are clean and he’ll suffer no consequences(it’s all on her and her kids).Which makes her choices even more stupid and reckless , but I don’t necessarily believe she deliberately set out to defraud the tax payer.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 05/05/2025 20:01

Harsh it maybe but I do think your husband has a right to report her as morally and legally, she is in the wrong. I note you state the impact on the DCs as they are innocent but aren’t all kids? Some kids are living in horrendous poverty and their parents aren’t committing fraud.

Christwosheds · 05/05/2025 20:01

Of course benefit fraud is wrong, but I couldn’t report my own sister, and so I would be pretty upset if DH reported her. I can’t imagine reporting anyone tbh.

ohmyfootreallyhurts · 05/05/2025 20:02

Dumbo18 · 05/05/2025 19:48

Wow what a cunt - I’d absolutely leave my husband over this. Could never ever come back from it

Sounds like he’s had enough of being married to someone who enables her sister to make dreadful choice after dreadful choice and steal from the state

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 05/05/2025 20:02

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 19:22

There has been some confusion- when I say she was brought a house- ie her Dad put down a sizeable chunk of money and there is a mortgage on the remainder. Which she pays out of her benefits.

She isn’t claiming non means testing benefits- she’s on UC, signed off on long term sick. No dispute she would be eligible, because she is, but the issue is she isn’t declaring her partners income and the fact he lives there.

I don’t condone what she is doing- far from it. But it’s the potential consequences it could have- she could go to prison for goodness sake. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, especially their children who are innocents in it all.

Does she actually have reliable, consistent and significant access to that extra income?

ohmyfootreallyhurts · 05/05/2025 20:03

LindorDoubleChoc · 05/05/2025 19:58

What sickness does your sister have and why is she pregnant if so sick she's unable to work and why are you all beyond excited about it?

What is your real beef with her partner and him giving money to the family he left for your sister?

Exactly. Another poor life choice to bring a child into the world with a deadbeat dad and everyone else paying for it.

Doesn’t sound like something you should all be very excited about tbh.

WildflowerConstellations · 05/05/2025 20:04

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 05/05/2025 20:00

That’s why I said technically, because that extra income, doesn’t actually exist in the household.Also morally, she’s not the one benefiting from the situation, he is. He is also the one actually defrauding the system, but of course his hands are clean and he’ll suffer no consequences(it’s all on her and her kids).Which makes her choices even more stupid and reckless , but I don’t necessarily believe she deliberately set out to defraud the tax payer.

Show quote history

Yep I'd argue that he's put her in am awful position here. She's basically committing fraud for no benefit to herself that I can see, it's just him that's not having to contribute because she's getting benefits which she is genuinely using to support her household.

shiningstar2 · 05/05/2025 20:05

I definitely disapprove of benefit fraud, but I would never report anyone involved in it. I don't think we can have one rule for our own relatives and another rule for others as in ...this is terrible it was your sister he reported ...as if that makes it ok to report someone else. If he really felt strongly about it he could have given her fair warning eg ...you have 2 months to sort this yourself or I'm reporting you.

I also think there is a lot of disapproval of benefit fraud while some of the same people turn a blind eye to tax evasion. Seems ok, from tiny cleaning businesses to far bigger concerns not to put everything through the books or ask kitchen fitters ext to take cash to avoid VAT. Not everybody's squeaky clean but I've often heard those who turn a blind eye to business tax evasion be very judgemental about benefit fraud.

Lost20211 · 05/05/2025 20:07

What she’s doing is wrong, but your husband is a dick for reporting her.

AngelicKaty · 05/05/2025 20:07

Nopersbro · 05/05/2025 19:47

I don't know why the focus here is on your sister, unless you think she's not really too sick to work and therefore not entitled to those benefits. The real issue here seems to be that her partner CAN afford to financially support all of his children but chooses not to. She is allowing and covering up for this, but the core crime is his.

"She is allowing and covering up for this, but the core crime is his." Unfortunately, that's not true. OP's DSis is the one making a single UC claim when it should be a joint one so she's the one committing benefit fraud and she's the one the DWP would pursue for the overpayments and a possible prosecution. Benefit claimants sign a declaration that they will notify the DWP of all changes of circumstances - OP's DSis should have notified them as soon as her DP moved in with her.

WildflowerConstellations · 05/05/2025 20:10

AngelicKaty · 05/05/2025 20:07

"She is allowing and covering up for this, but the core crime is his." Unfortunately, that's not true. OP's DSis is the one making a single UC claim when it should be a joint one so she's the one committing benefit fraud and she's the one the DWP would pursue for the overpayments and a possible prosecution. Benefit claimants sign a declaration that they will notify the DWP of all changes of circumstances - OP's DSis should have notified them as soon as her DP moved in with her.

Show quote history

Yes she is culpable but it's a bit shit tbh as it sounds like he's the one this whole setup works for. If she declared his income all that would have changed is him having to contribute. At the moment he doesn't have to contribute and in fact he does not. But the DWP will assume that he does and the sister will be penalised as if he does. She's the only one who loses here. He's a shit partner as this is clearly all for him.