To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

[Rockyhardplace25]

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

With a lot of family support usually. But your family can not go to work with you.

Because sickness benefits don’t work like contraceptives ?!!

How would you stop them?
We don't have forced sterilisation, thank goodness. I know of a couple with LD who keep having kids, and keep having them taken away as they think love is enough to bring up a kid... when it isn't. One of them actually works... still not seen as fit enough to raise kids though.

So the family raise the child not the person.

Honestly I would split up with DH over this in your position. You are a second Mum to your sister and your DH's jealousy will have a huge impact on her life and that of her child's.

But anyone who can’t work and support HERSELF should have the sense to not add further burdens onto fellow citizens! It’s pure laziness, self-indulgence and ignorance.

I have no problem whatsoever with supporting individuals who are experiencing involuntary misfortune.

The key word is “individuals.” Not an entire dependent household of as many offspring as they care to produce.

So yes, they are taking the piss if they add additional burden to the taxpayers. And if they are SO disabled as to not be able to do any work at all, how on earth would they care for infants, toddlers and beyond?

Just because they are disabled it doesn't mean they are unable to work though.

If someone is too disabled or sick to do any job at all how are they going to be a good parent of a very young child? That is a hard job for anyone.

Just because they have kids doesn't not mean they can work.
And being able to work does not always mean you can look after kids.
Life is complicated and everyone is different. Saying is someone too disabled to work should not have kids is rather offensive.

If they are capable of looking after young children they are also capable of doing some jobs.

With support. Disabled people have friends and family too you know - and they tend to be very supportive networks.

Nope, not the same skill set at all for someone with a disability who is supported at home with childcare. Very different in an employment setting with terms and conditions. Some really ableist assumptions going on now.

Our first duty as human beings is to support ourselves if at all possible, and not be a burden on society. Being a taker AND producing more people who will be dependent upon taxpayers, as the OP’s sister is, is really taking the piss.

I really don’t care what her circumstances are; if she’s unable to work and support herself she has no business creating additional burdens.

On the one hand I understand why he did it..

However I've just tried to put myself in your shoes. ..my brother is an ex addict and I can imagine him trying to pull something like your sister has. In all honesty if my partner rang to report my brother I would be hurt and furious with him.
So YANBU.

Difficult. On the one hand, she's defrauding society. Society is short of money and lots of people doing what she's doing has a serious impact. I am also confused about her being too sick to work, yet feeling able to have another child which she will have to carry and look after - tough work for anyone, let alone someone who is too sick to work. Overall she sounds like a complete fraudster who takes and takes and makes it harder for those who are paying in.

On the other hand, reporting close family for benefit fraud - fuck me, that's cold as ice. And it sounds like lots of her life has been unstable/shit. And if there are serious consequences, such as prison for her, you may be called upon to help out with your niece. And she will presumably know that it was you or your DH that reported her?

I don't think I would have made this report if I were your DH.

OP hasn't mentioned a disability.

You think your husband is in the wrong but your half sister is committing benefits fraud

I think I know who’s in the wrong and it’s not your husband

Benefit fraud is theft, you are directly stealing from hard working people who are already massively over taxed in the UK. I probably wouldn't report my own sister, but I would DEFINITELY report a sister in law.

I'd threaten my sister with being reported though, and make her stop doing it if I could.

Your thieving sister should have kept her trap shut about her theft, and your dh should have just reported her and remained silent too. He knew he was causing you issues by telling you and honestly sometimes it is kinder to lie.

Anyway, he did nothing wrong, so don't harass him about it, and deny all knowledge when the shit hits the fan.

When people have plenty and hope is high they tend not to mind so much if a few thieves and arseholes break the social contract. But the country is in a dreadful mess, everyone massively over taxed, the few hard working people carrying a huge load, enormous amounts of benefit scams going on - and so you will see more and more of families and friends reporting this sort of theft.

The thing about thieves is they always have to boast or tell someone about their theft, that's how they get caught. She'll have told someone else or be unsure if she has, or if her partner has. Deny it forever, she'll never forgive you or your husband for doing the right thing.

Fraud is fraud and it harms us all. It's not a victimless crime.

People on benefits for honest reasons are harmed most of all by the fraudsters as they get tarred with the same brush.

What is she actually sick with and why can’t she work ?

I am disabled. I wouldn't have a baby if I couldn't look after them myself.

More people need to be like your husband. Slowly we’ll change the culture of this company

Do you earn your living, too?

yes