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Original poster

To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

723 replies

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 17:49

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

OP posts:
mindingmyown37 · 05/05/2025 22:35

She is committing fraud however she’s not the only one, there’s millions of people doing the same. I’m not saying it’s right but stopping just her won’t change anything. I know of about 20 people who are defo doing this but it’s not my business. i personally wouldn’t feel right not declaring DP. But some people know how to play the system.

Oakcupboard · 05/05/2025 22:36

My marriage would be over if my DH reported a family member.

A tout is much worse than a benefits cheat

Bananafofana · 05/05/2025 22:37

what a mess. Your sister is in a short term relationship with an ex addict who left his family and there is a massive age gap - 30 years is Rolling Stone territory. I think the relationship is so precarious it’s somewhat short sighted to report - she could be on her own again any minute.

InterP · 05/05/2025 22:40

SpiritAdder · 05/05/2025 21:00

It is possible he is her carer and goes to her house to care for her. If she’s on sickness benefits, he’d have to be at hers a minimum of 35hrs/week to claim carer’s allowance.

Carers don’t have to live with the person they care for. He could just seem to be there all the time because it’s a full time job to be a carer, and for less than NMW

Show quote history

The OP doesn't mention that her sister needs a carer.

Surely medical information is needed to support this.

Surveillance would see the care she needs and the care he offers. Supermarket shopping, trips to the GP, gardening, etc etc.

Otherwise, I live with my partner…perhaps I can decide I'm ill and he cares for me…and we can claim too.

Squr123 · 05/05/2025 22:48

That would be the end of the marriage for me.
Can he phone and say he made a mistake ?
I would also give your sister a heads up so she can prepare. I would also encourage her to give the relationship a break for a few months to get this sorted.
What an awful situation all around.

Thegodfatherreturns · 05/05/2025 22:50

I would divorce DH if he reported a family member. It is wrong of her to claim benefits if her partner is living there but if he is not contributing then he is the one benefiting from the fraud rather than your sister but she will be the one who is prosecuted and potentially fined a lot of money. She could even go to prison. She would be better off telling her DP to move out. You should warn her to do that.

5128gap · 05/05/2025 23:03

I wouldn't forgive my husband for that. If he is such an upstanding citizen he can't stand to sit by and watch your sister not disclosing her partners income, that she appears to see precious little of, the very least he could have done was tell you so you had the opportunity to advise your sister to declare it, or he would. Thing is, he's not an upstanding citizen is he? He's a petty and spiteful man who can't stand the Idea that he is 'working his arse off' while a troubled and vulnerable woman recieves benefits so he snuck around reporting her on the sly without even the courtesy of discussing it with you.
The repercussions of this for your sister and her children will be serious. Because her benefits will stop and her partner wont support her. Then guess who will step up to make sure her children are fed, clothed and housed? My monies on you OP. So your H may well end up reaping what he's sown.

HerfNerder · 05/05/2025 23:04

Everyone who's cheating the system is someone's sister, brother, mother, father, daughter, or son. Many of them will have children or others who depend on them to do the right thing and not commit fraud.

Hoohaz · 05/05/2025 23:09

I would be upset if he did it without discussing it with me first.

Wellretired · 05/05/2025 23:10

He reported your sister and not the man? I feel that's wrong for starters. And just to report her without speaking to you or them? I'd be horrified if it were me.

ohmyfootreallyhurts · 05/05/2025 23:16

Wellretired · 05/05/2025 23:10

He reported your sister and not the man? I feel that's wrong for starters. And just to report her without speaking to you or them? I'd be horrified if it were me.

She’s the one making the claim

Justforthisoneithink · 05/05/2025 23:44

Rockyhardplace25 · 05/05/2025 19:22

There has been some confusion- when I say she was brought a house- ie her Dad put down a sizeable chunk of money and there is a mortgage on the remainder. Which she pays out of her benefits.

She isn’t claiming non means testing benefits- she’s on UC, signed off on long term sick. No dispute she would be eligible, because she is, but the issue is she isn’t declaring her partners income and the fact he lives there.

I don’t condone what she is doing- far from it. But it’s the potential consequences it could have- she could go to prison for goodness sake. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, especially their children who are innocents in it all.

“But it’s the potential consequences it could have- she could go to prison for goodness sake” - that’s really something she should have considered when deciding not to declare her partner living with her. She has to deal with the consequences of her choices.

Justforthisoneithink · 05/05/2025 23:47

mindingmyown37 · 05/05/2025 22:35

She is committing fraud however she’s not the only one, there’s millions of people doing the same. I’m not saying it’s right but stopping just her won’t change anything. I know of about 20 people who are defo doing this but it’s not my business. i personally wouldn’t feel right not declaring DP. But some people know how to play the system.

If everyone who knew one of the millions reported them, there wouldn’t be millions.

AngelicKaty · 06/05/2025 00:07

Wellretired · 05/05/2025 23:10

He reported your sister and not the man? I feel that's wrong for starters. And just to report her without speaking to you or them? I'd be horrified if it were me.

The man is working and not claiming benefits so he's not the one committing benefit fraud. OP's DSis should never have allowed him to move in with her without checking first how much UC she would lose and getting his assurance he would contribute an amount to the household finances equal to her benefits loss.

NSA2103 · 06/05/2025 00:07

Your husband did the right thing, but should have kept quiet.

XenoBitch · 06/05/2025 00:18

Not declaring a live in partner is shit, and she should have done that.
But, anyone close to her should have been reminding her it was wrong. I am on UC myself and my DP living with me would help in some aspects but would wipe out my UC. So to see other people just disregard that rule would piss me off too. But I would not report them... I would just keep reminding them it is wrong and that someone else could report them.

AngelicKaty · 06/05/2025 00:19

SpiritAdder · 05/05/2025 21:55

OP is still convinced her sister is a fraudster based on next to nothing.

Show quote history

So you think the fact that OP's DSis is currently pregnant with her carer's DP's baby is "next to nothing"? 🙄

Velmy · 06/05/2025 00:46

Lots of different ways of looking at this. Life isn't black and white.

But at the end of the day it's your sister, your family mess to clean up. It should have been a joint decision to report or not.

Inthetyreshop · 06/05/2025 00:50

This isn't about the fraud this is about jealously from your dh, which is a major red flag. He will turn you over in a heart beat for anything, he is unloyal and spiteful.

Inthetyreshop · 06/05/2025 00:51

And may I add, DWP probably won't do anything I have reported neighbours I dislike for fraud which I know they are doing and still living with partner and claiming pip.
This has just highlighted your dh character which is shady..

XenoBitch · 06/05/2025 00:54

Inthetyreshop · 06/05/2025 00:51

And may I add, DWP probably won't do anything I have reported neighbours I dislike for fraud which I know they are doing and still living with partner and claiming pip.
This has just highlighted your dh character which is shady..

PIP Is not an out of work benefit and is not means tested.
You can earn millions and live in a hareem. It wont affect PIP.

It sounds like you reported them because you don't like them. A malicious report... and that is why nothing was done. Because they are doing nothing wrong.

RawBloomers · 06/05/2025 01:04

I don’t think he was wrong to report her. He’s entitled to be pissed off at someone defrauding the state he is a part of, that he supports. I do wonder, like Butchyrestingface why he told you about it, though. You seem to want more family loyalty from a partner than that, which is also fair enough. But you haven’t go it, so now you need to decide what that means for you and your relationships.

Catpuss66 · 06/05/2025 01:29

Inthetyreshop · 06/05/2025 00:51

And may I add, DWP probably won't do anything I have reported neighbours I dislike for fraud which I know they are doing and still living with partner and claiming pip.
This has just highlighted your dh character which is shady..

PIP is non means tested, your neighbour can even have a job…..maybe they knew you just disliked her. Nothing you reported is illegal.

Think you might be the shady character.

NattyTurtle59 · 06/05/2025 02:52

SoManyPostcards · 05/05/2025 18:19

I would not be able to live with this man. Your sister will now get a criminal record and that will be an impediment to her being employed in the future. I couldn’t forgive him.

Well maybe she shouldn't have committed a crime and then she wouldn't get a criminal record.

SammyScrounge · 06/05/2025 02:55

5128gap · 05/05/2025 23:03

I wouldn't forgive my husband for that. If he is such an upstanding citizen he can't stand to sit by and watch your sister not disclosing her partners income, that she appears to see precious little of, the very least he could have done was tell you so you had the opportunity to advise your sister to declare it, or he would. Thing is, he's not an upstanding citizen is he? He's a petty and spiteful man who can't stand the Idea that he is 'working his arse off' while a troubled and vulnerable woman recieves benefits so he snuck around reporting her on the sly without even the courtesy of discussing it with you.
The repercussions of this for your sister and her children will be serious. Because her benefits will stop and her partner wont support her. Then guess who will step up to make sure her children are fed, clothed and housed? My monies on you OP. So your H may well end up reaping what he's sown.

You make it sound as if the.OP's husband is the criminal when it's her sister who is dodgy.
Most people resent benefits cheats. I don't think it's petty spite to feel like that it's resentment of freeloaders having an easier life at the expense of the rest of us.