To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

[Rockyhardplace25]

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

Because not everyone who is convicted of a crime receives a custodial sentence.

I suspect that if we were living in East Germany, mumsnetters would comprise nearly the entirety of the Stasi informants

If everyone who knew someone who was committing a crime reported them to the authorities, there would be a lot less crime and this country would be a much better place to live.

OP is not happy at what her DH has done, so why you're now claiming she's posted on here to "cast her DSIS in the worst possible light" is anybody's guess!
I hope you're never on a jury. 🙄

No there would be more due to relationship and family breakdown

I would give her the heads up so he can move out of the house and stay there a few nights a week. That way she isn’t doing anything wrong.

Your DH is completely out of order. You don’t do that to family. This will start a whole load of shit for her. Usually they suspend benefits payments for months just while they investigate. Then worse case she could be looking at criminal proceedings. For someone already fragile this could push her back under. And all of it will affect the children who are completely blameless.

if my DH did something like that it would be game over for us. I couldn’t look him in the eye again I’d be so angry. There are many other ways of supporting and encouraging family to do the right thing.

Personally I value loyalty. So I’d be livid with DH, even if I felt my sister was in the wrong. It would be marriage counselling/separation level of livid. But I cannot imagine him doing such a thing on whim.

Sod that I'd never be off the phone.

OP is still convinced her sister is a fraudster based on next to nothing.

Only problem is. The odds of them suddenly reading his report now and watching her house next week isn’t that high. More like it might sit and fester for a few weeks before anyone even looks at it. So unless the sister goes legit she’s always going to have to watch out.

I'm guessing we should all 'think of the children'. Except, of course, the people who actually should have thought a bit more before bringing children into a shitty situation.

Wow. What a dick. I could never ever forgive my husband if he did this. I'd see him in a totally different light. You need to warn your sister.

He doesn't know that she is. He thinks she is because of something she said. He should not report his SiL on his own assumptions (and his irritation that she lives on benefits - though she'd better off the, of course).

The OP’s sister is responsible for all that, no?

I think it depends how long she has been 'misclaiming'. Someone I know got reported for doing some dog walking despite claiming an invalidity type benefit. She had to attend an interview under caution, but because she owned up, they took no further action on that occasion. Her benefits were not even suspended.

Exactly. A pair of already irresponsible people, making another totally irresponsible choice.

& how much has it cost for the years she has been claiming. So you think fraud is ok if it is cheaper than housing her?

Yes, thank you for the explanation Captain Obvious. But every OP talks about other people in her life (her husband, her kids, her MIL, her friends).

By your logic everything is hearsay and we can’t believe an OP ever.

So what’s the point of even engaging on a thread if you disbelieve everything?

Stories like this, both the story itself and the fact that so many people say that the OP's DP is wrong for reporting, are the reason why so many people are anti-benefits.

I agree. Of course the sister shouldn’t be making false claims for benefits, but if my husband did this, without first talking to me, it would be the end of our relationship.

In OP’s situation I’d discuss it with my sister, encourage her to stop over claiming (after I’d checked of course) offer to support her and as a last resort I’d say if she didn’t I’d report her myself.

Maybe the people of think that dh is a shit for reporting the skanks for benefit fraud can explain why, when everyone is complaining about the threats to dla and the getting rid of the winter fuel allowance to those who needed it

I don't like that he went behind your back and didn't involve you in the decision. It should have been a two yes one no decision, and it is your family after all. If you didn't want to report her he should have accepted that.

No just tellling yourself that is ok to nick from Primark, probably too upmarket for you.

This is a tough one. On the one hand, I'm thinking GOOD. What they're doing is basically stealing from every working person in the country. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time! It's not surprising that people who feel entitled to cheat would feel entitled to lie and steal. And when do the excuses end for having had a rough upbringing? They deserve a good slapdown, if you ask me. They obviously have no problem dishing it out to others, whether from close up or far away.

However. At the same time, your husband has ratted out a close family member of yours who you care a lot for, without consulting you about it first. That makes him someone you can't fully trust, doesn't it? Who knows what or who he might decide to snitch on next.

So... I don't know. Good luck with it.