To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

[Rockyhardplace25]

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

Yes it is hearsay to us, we are hearing from OP what she says the sister said. It would only not be hearsay if the sister were talking to us directly.

Yawn. The boring, blackmailing 'educate yourself!!' Shriek doesn't work anymore 🙄 the whole sanctimonious "believe what I tell you, and think how I tell you, because i am better and.more intelligent than you, you idiot" doesn't work anymore!

I agree with your DH. Everyone who commits benefit fraud undermines the system for those who genuinely need the money.

Agreed. Still reporting without discussing first with your own sister-in-law first is not the path I would have taken.

Incentive for the sister in the sense that she would be worse off, as he’s not actually contributing fairly or at all. Technically she’s not better off (financially) by having him there and she also has all the responsibility and liability when things go to shit. She has been incredibly stupid.

She’d actually be better off if she dumped him, kicked him out, kept her benefits and claim maintenance.

Do you struggle with comprehension? OP's posted "... we have found out through a slip of the tounge(sic) she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time." At no point has OP suggested her DSis' BF is her carer - even in her subsequent posts. You're fabricating this scenario to fit your own narrative. Try to stick to the facts as OP has presented them.

I don't think OP's DSis meant to tell them - OP says they found out "through a slip of the tongue".

Do you struggle with cutting away bias to see bare facts.

He can live with her full time and not be part of her household.

OP may think he lives with her full time based on how often he is there, so he may not be living there full time.

I’m not fabricating anything, I am showing that there are other scenarios that fit the same facts that do not involve benefit fraud.

Which we haven’t heard verbatim and could have been misinterpreted by OP

Wowww your DH is really spiteful. She is pregnant… and she has a child & his reported her? She technically isn’t even doing anything wrong as the ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t contribute to the house! But the stress that this is going to cause her when she’s pregnant… who knows it could even end the small amount of normality she’s managed to create. Your DH hasn’t thought once about her children (who are totally innocent) and who are inevitably going to suffer for this. I echo other posters I would seriously consider leaving over this.

I’m going to tell you something that will shatter your world. Everything we read on MN is hearsay to us. We are not the ones reporting the OP’s sister.

This is so bizarre. This is an anonymous forum, we will never hear anything here verbatim.

Doesn’t mean we can’t have an opinion on it!

What does her being pregnant have to do with anything? She is committing fraud!

I think you and your DH should let her get on with her life… you sound very involved tbh and like you and your DH are analysing her life.. I’d just keep a nice relationship with her and move forward. The only reason he’s reported her is because he resents his efforts vs hers (or lack of / free money). I think that says more about how your DH feels about his own life tbh! Shitty thing to do to someone who’s had a crappy hand in life and is pregnant.

I also wondered if you secretly (even subconsciously) feel ‘better than’ her. You point out how she’s younger and you’ve had to mother her, how she’s had addictions etc. That’s not relevant to the post really but you feel it is - why? Should we feel sorry for her?? Do you? I think maybe you are a bit above her in your own head tbh.

So she's not on sickness benefit it's universal credit. Your husband is completely out of order

Not at all, but you're creating a whole other story which has not been posted here by the OP and which she has made no allusion to. If OP had posted that her DSis' BF spends nights at her home as her carer and OP's DH had got hold of the wrong end of the stick and reported them as cohabiting, then OP would be getting quite different (and supportive) responses. But she hasn't. She's made it clear that they are cohabiting and that her DSis let this fact - and the fact she hasn't notified the DWP of their cohabitation - "slip". Why do you think you know OP's DSis' living arrangements better than OP does?

Why shouldn't she go to prison if she is convicted of a crime?

He didn’t go about it in the best way - might have been better to tell her to come clean or he would report her - but what he did was still right. Your sister hadn’t done something a bit cheeky - she’s committed serious benefit fraud, as has her partner. It needed to be reported.

This. Fucking hell, I mean, her boyfriend sounds like a cocklodger. And your husband sounds like a dick. I would not do that to a sister.

I mean, he reported her because he's jealous of her life
Kinda pathetic
Now she might hang around you asking for a fiver here amd there
Will he be happier ffs
Envious streak is never good

No, not everything. What an OP tells us about their own self isn’t hearsay.
Hearsay is when OP is 1st to nth middle man between the source and us:
source——> OP——> Us

Well your husbands going to really love it when your sister and the kids move in when she can longer support herself or them

Thats my point, the OP has created a story to fit the facts that cast her DSIS in the worst possible light. After you boil it down to the bare facts, there are multiple other scenarios/stories that fit the same facts and account for why DSIS isn’t reporting his income as part of her household.

I do hope you are never ever on a jury.

UC is made up of the Standard Allowance plus various elements (e.g. housing, children, sickness) which are paid as appropriate. OP's DSis is receiving UC which, for her, includes the sickness element because she's not well enough to work (not everyone who receives UC gets the sickness element).

What is wrong with people who do things like this behind their partner's back?

He's crossed a red line - I'd keep the sister and ditch the husband