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Original poster

Friend and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night - CF behaviour?

146 replies

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

OP posts:
FlyPhobicDog · 06/05/2025 07:19

BlondiePortz · 06/05/2025 06:57

I get the rude comment but jealous of what?

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I suppose the ungracious comments about the decor, etc are being attributed to jealousy over OP’s new house

Enrichetta · 06/05/2025 07:19

BlondiePortz · 06/05/2025 06:57

I get the rude comment but jealous of what?

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Because OP was able to buy a house and friend cannot - and her boyfriend is in a houseshare in his early 40s…

hoxtonbabe · 06/05/2025 07:20

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 04/05/2025 20:48

I think if you are hosting then you don’t expect a gift or get upset about what people ate or drank. Gifts are nice but not expected and you invited them over for a meal and drink.

The rest of it is rude and weird behaviour on their part and I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them again.

This is exactly my view. Whilst it’s always a nice gesture/bonus to get wine or flowers, it’s never been something i expect from the guest. I definitely wouldn’t expect them to bring dessert?!?! That’s something I would be providing and personally I would find it an insult if someone popped up with a marks and Spencer trifle after I had spent god knows how many hours making something from scratch. Equally I would not grumble about how much wine they drank, etc, and I don’t see the point in hosting if you then complain about these things.

That said the moment they started saying anything about my food, if I didn’t ask for their opinion, that would be a stern look, the comment about Christening the kitchen would have been a instant cut off,delete/block once they left.

I have little patience for that level of stupidity and disrespect so I will simply shut it all down and if my friend wants to be involved with men that think those sort of comments are appropriate then she’s just as much of a twit as the man.

Onedayatatime9 · 06/05/2025 07:33

There would be absolutely no more invites from me. If I was going to add anything in support of this couple, it would be 'm not sure given she has lost her house and he lives in shared accomodation it was appropriate to give them a tour of your home. I would assume there would be a degree of bitterness involved and I would have been careful not to do anything which would bring this to the surface.

It's still not an excuse for their behaviour towards you & not everyone would react the way they did in those circumstances. I'd avoid them both for a while to see if it helps them to realise they can't take their circumstances out on others.

SipandClean · 06/05/2025 07:35

Ilovelurchers · 04/05/2025 19:57

I hard to judge the rudeness or otherwise of comments when you don't actually hear them, as context and tone can make such a difference. The important thing here really is that you were upset/offended OP - after you had clearly gone to the trouble and expense of hosting what you hoped would be a nice evening. I am sorry that that happened, and it is quite reasonable to not invite them round again, given that is how you have been left feeling.

I will say add however that I have never liked the formality of dinner parties for this very reason - the need to make polite chitchat, often with people you don't know well (as was the case for friend's boyfriend here); being in someone's house, eating their food, and the need to ve sufficiently appreciative without sounding fake, even if the food or house actually isn't to your taste; the other etiquette rules (like bringing a drink) which don't necessarily come naturally to all, depending on our upbringing ..... Dd's dad was a massive dinner party fan, hosting and attending, and the pressure I felt on these occasions is I am sure one of the main causes of me developing the unhealthy relationship with alcohol that means I can now no longer drink!

In terms of the things this couple did:
A) not bringing a drink - yes this is bad - I don't know loads about etiquette but even I know you should take a drink or flowers or something if invited to a meal.
B) comments about your house - I actually wouldn't mind these too much - the comment on the room being small is just a statement of fact and perhaps just to promote a discussion of what you might use it for; and she likely could tell the decor in the sitting room wasn't yours, if it has evidently been there a while and you have just moved in. However, she ought really to have intermingled these with some positive statements to be kind, even if she doesn't like your house that much.
C) I don't think commenting that food is "rich" is an insult - it can actually be a compliment. His comment about regretting it tomorrow perhaps more about weight gain because he was eating it enthusiastically - again not an insult.
D) the comment about christening the kitchen I would just see as a joke and it wouldn't bother me in the least, but I am not offended by risque humour (it in itself is not hilarious obviously, but maybe he has a funny story about this he wanted to tell if the conversation had gone differently.

But, as I say, you were there and I wasn't, and if you were offended, of course your feelings are valid.

And after all that, my burning question (if you will forgive me) - what is it about your kitchen that would make it difficult to shag in? ;)

‘C) I don't think commenting that food is "rich" is an insult - it can actually be a compliment. His comment about regretting it tomorrow perhaps more about weight gain because he was eating it enthusiastically - again not an insult’.

What planet are you on? Of course it’s an insult.

BunnyLake · 06/05/2025 08:14

HyJess · 04/05/2025 18:07

Friend is 30’s, boyfriend early 40’s.

We won’t be inviting them back in a hurry - DP’s first comment when they left was ‘what a tosser’!

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Whoah, I thought you were going to say 23 or something (it would still have been bad behaviour but have growing to do).

He’d never see past the threshold again and I wouldn’t be in a hurry to invite her around again either.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/05/2025 08:17

I'm always interested in looking round people's new houses and I have found people want to be shown round mine. I don't think it's weird at all.

Musclewoman · 06/05/2025 08:19

Whenim63 · 04/05/2025 18:50

Alternatively “well, we were banging like a barn door on it 5 minutes before you arrived, but don’t worry, we gave it a wipe” would have wiped the smirk off his face!

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If anything that would just be going along with his joke....

Bridestone · 06/05/2025 08:23

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/05/2025 08:17

I'm always interested in looking round people's new houses and I have found people want to be shown round mine. I don't think it's weird at all.

Is it a British thing? When I first lived in England, I was completely baffled by English people wanting to look around my flat and later my house, and giving me, unasked, ‘tours’ of theirs. I’ve never encountered it elsewhere.

FlyPhobicDog · 06/05/2025 08:30

Bridestone · 06/05/2025 08:23

Is it a British thing? When I first lived in England, I was completely baffled by English people wanting to look around my flat and later my house, and giving me, unasked, ‘tours’ of theirs. I’ve never encountered it elsewhere.

Show quote history

I think only when you’ve just moved in somewhere new or a friend is seeing a new place for the first time?

If you make friends with someone new and they come to your house, I don’t think you’d offer to show them round then, and it’d be weird for the new friend to ask.

SonK · 06/05/2025 08:41

They were rather rude OP, don't let it get to you though, it does sound like jealousy.

Oh and congratulations on your first home : D x

Wildefish · 06/05/2025 09:01

RampantIvy · 06/05/2025 06:28

What?

Reread my post.

I wasn't correcting spelling or grammar. I was suggesting that the OP never invites them again.

You have completely missed the point here.

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Apologies it looked like (to me ) that you were correcting grammar, which is one of my pet peeves. Sorry I misunderstood.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/05/2025 15:50

Bridestone · 06/05/2025 08:23

Is it a British thing? When I first lived in England, I was completely baffled by English people wanting to look around my flat and later my house, and giving me, unasked, ‘tours’ of theirs. I’ve never encountered it elsewhere.

Show quote history

I wouldn't know.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2025 17:02

Wildefish · 06/05/2025 09:01

Apologies it looked like (to me ) that you were correcting grammar, which is one of my pet peeves. Sorry I misunderstood.

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That's OK @Wildefish
You are forgiven 😀

laraitopbanana · 06/05/2025 18:34

PiggyPigalle · 05/05/2025 23:35

I'd never show anyone over a house, it's cringeworthy and puts the guests in an awkward situation.

Show quote history

« Wow! » « that is amazing, you must be so happy! »

Nothing cringy or uncomfortable in that…

laraitopbanana · 06/05/2025 18:37

FlyPhobicDog · 06/05/2025 08:30

I think only when you’ve just moved in somewhere new or a friend is seeing a new place for the first time?

If you make friends with someone new and they come to your house, I don’t think you’d offer to show them round then, and it’d be weird for the new friend to ask.

Show quote history

yeap

Hufflemuff · 06/05/2025 18:41

Ummm i mean it's not the worse behaviour I've seen recalled on Mumsnet. Not the best. Both kind of sound like dicks, but yes you do also sound nit picky! Are you sure you even like them?

Bestfadeplans · 06/05/2025 19:31

I wouldn't describe it as cf behaviour. I would never expect a bottle. And him drinking a lot and you not liking it, is odd when you've invited guests. The decor, rich and sex comment and not saying thanks was rude. But not cheeky.

Gg72 · 10/05/2025 20:39

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

Very rude just very disrespectful and ungracious find new friends they don't deserve you

pandp · 11/05/2025 09:40

Sounds as if your friend is jealous and her boyfriend is a bit of a t-ss-r!

Beesandhoney123 · 10/07/2025 08:35

What a disappointment. But I wouldn't have offered a tour, unless asked. I wouldn't have expected the new bf to join in looking round.

If anyone had asked if the kitchen had been christened I would ignored them. What a bizarre thing to say. Was he offering?!

They were rather tactless and entitled. Flowers and wine is normal, turning up empty handed is odd, unless they both thought the other was doing it.

I expect their relationship won't last. Your friend didn't mind looking like a cf and being critical towards you, he didn't mind your friend seeing him thinking about you and your partner having sex in the very room you were in!

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