Friend and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night - CF behaviour?

[HyJess]

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

It all just sounds very awkward tbh

Yes it's polite to bring something to dinner but I wouldn't expect anything and wouldn't be pissed off if a friend came empty handed.

If I've invited friends round I expect to host them. Your DH sounds a bit of a dick, getting annoyed that the boyfriend drank more of 'his' beer than him. If you invite someone round you buy enough food and drink for the night. Would you have been upset if your friend had eaten more of 'your' pasta than you?

The comment about the food being rich I don't think is an insult and the bf comment about not suffering the consequences tomorrow sounds like a joke and I would have laughed. Similarly I woukd have laughed at the comment about christening the kitchen, obviously just a silly joke. It just sounds like you don't really get on with this couple.

Oh, and I know you're probably really excited about your new home, but others aren't. I absolutely hate being shown around peoples houses. It's not interesting whatsoever, and you feel like you have to make a comment on every.single.boring.room so I have some sympathy with them there. I've no idea why people do this, it's excruciating.

They're jealous. We got comments from friends on our new house, which is obviously far nicer than our old one. Our old run down house was better apparently because it had more character. It was a shit box built in the 80's so not the good type of character. Comments about features they dislike which we never got in our old tiny falling down house.

I wouldn't bother with either again.
Both uncouth.
Your friend was extremely rude and clearly has teamed up with a tosser.

Does she deserve someone better though?

She didn't bring anything either and brought the mood down as much as he did with criticism.

Eta I don't thunk shenis necessarily settling because I struggle to see how a cheery chap with anything going for him would want to be with someone as negative as your friend. Like attracts like.

What a classless pair.

I think they were both extremely rude and ungrateful and it would probably be the end of the friendship for me tbh

What an ignorant pair of ungrateful visitors, hopefully it’s the last food & drink you provide for them .

Aged 30 or 40 I wouldn't be quick to blame their parents. Some people who had strict and moral upbringing decide that when they are adults they can do and say what they want to. I think that their rudeness is down to them at their age. Even if they had a rough upbringing, they've had a fair few years to learn how to behave and take responsibility for their actions.

We won’t be inviting them back in a hurry - DP’s first comment when they left was ‘what a tosser’!

It’s hard to argue with him!

Yanbu

• not bringing a bottle when coming to dinner
• criticising your house
• (semi) criticising your cooking
• not saying thanks as he left

All very bad manners, and rude. She sounds jealous too.

I think the question about christening the kitchen is quite creepy, especially given that he doesn't know you that well. I wouldn't like it if one of my friends boyfriends asked me something like that.

I love getting a tour of a friend's new house. I'm excited for them and I'm also nosy, I love looking round houses. I think it's rude to be so negative about something a friend is excited about.

They have no manners. I would never turn up empty handed and the comments were just rude.

She doesn't sound like a friend OP.

Turning up empty handed confirms this.

I would phase this friendship out. She is clearly jealous and couldn't bring herself to be happy for you, preferring to nitpick and be negative instead.

Nah, I couldn't be bothered with her again.

This! ⬆️

Honestly? It doesn’t sound as though you had a nice evening with them so don’t invite them to your house again.

But I would chalk it up as one bad evening - the boyfriend probably got drunk (yes, on your dime but never mind) and nervous and said something stupid.

Is your friend otherwise a nice, fun person? I’ve had evenings where I’ve said the wrong thing then the wrong thing then the wrong thing. Forgive her.

A few people have said that this couple are jealous. True jealousy is a rare emotion. Pause before you decide that someone is jealous of you.

appallingly conduct: tacky & inappropriate. ditch this vulgar duo 🙏

*appalling ⬆️

I think the comments were rude but I think its entitled to expect a gift and don't host if you begrudge your guest drinking your alcohol.

I'd probs just avoid asking them over again, because he is an inappropriate pig and I suspect her comments were jealousy

Neither of them sound very nice, but especially him

Does he own a house, sounds like he probably doesn’t ?

I would make a dig about him to her and say something along the lines of ‘ can’t you find anything better’

Do they own a house. I would imagine jealous if not .. I hate peopke who have less than you but criticise what you have ! Just shows insecurities tbh!

Sums it up.

Only on MN is it entitled to accept the basic appreciation of a token gift for hosting someone.

Hosting involves effort and time.
Expecting those you invite to acknowledge that is very basic.

I appreciate when friends and family host me.
The idea of turning up empty handed is unfathomable to me, and would be in my family and circle.

It really is a courtesy that some are reared with from the earliest age.
Appreciation for the efforts and kindness of others towards you.

People who correct other people’s grammar or spelling is extremely rude imo.

He has never owned a house, recent years has always lived in shared accommodation (I think that’s the term - basically rents his own room in a bigger house)

Very juvenile and rude. Friend sounds jealous, hence all the put downs.

Get rid of both of them.