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Original poster

Friend and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night - CF behaviour?

146 replies

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 04/05/2025 19:58

Entitled to their opinion about food and house especially if you ask them …

I think they should have brought something with them … it’s the only criticism

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/05/2025 19:58

FutureMandosWife · 04/05/2025 19:44

Going to go against most here if I invite someone to my house for dinner I don't mind if no dessert/drink etc. My friends and I seem to provide everything if it's our turn hosting. So I think that's a non issue.

However the other stuff that was said is not nice and wouldn't accept. They wouldnt be invited back to mine if I was going to see them it would be a restaurant (and yes the bills would be separate due to the drink)

If I wasn't expected to take wine or dessert I would, at least, take flowers and I wouldn't make rude comments about the food or the house.

TheMimsy · 04/05/2025 20:00

@HyJess have you the kind of friendship where you can discuss her behaviour, rude comments, digs about the food and unwelcome crude comments from her partner or will she immediately double down and turn on you?

Is she really a friend or someone you used to consider a friend but have outgrown? It’s ok to outgrow a friendship no matter how old it is.

sometimes we mature, we work on ourselves or we realise the friendship isn’t healthy or fulfilling.

If you met her for the first time now - and this was her standard behaviour. Would you start a friendship with her?

Floatlikeafeather2 · 04/05/2025 20:02

Whenim63 · 04/05/2025 18:50

Alternatively “well, we were banging like a barn door on it 5 minutes before you arrived, but don’t worry, we gave it a wipe” would have wiped the smirk off his face!

Show quote history

No it wouldn't. He'd have found it funny and you would just have sunk to his level.

arcticpandas · 04/05/2025 20:02

Wow. Your friend is rude and probably jealous. Her bf rude as well. Why would you want to waste another moment of your life on them? If it's family you sometimes have to look the other way on some things but no way I would keep a "friend" like this.

deeahgwitch · 04/05/2025 20:06

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 04/05/2025 18:15

Common courtesy to take something IE Beers,wine.
The sex comment about the kitchen that's a buffoon.
Friends catty remarks,nah there wouldn't be a second time hosting.

I agree with you.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/05/2025 20:07

Ugh!

Even in our skint late teens and early twenties, my friends and I wouldn't have dreamed of behaving like that!

Turning up without a gift, commenting negatively on decor and room size, criticising the meal and making comments about 'consequences' and the kitchen comment, that is something I'd only say to certain friends I know extremely well (who would find it funny), certainly not to someone I'm meeting for the second time!

Sorry to say but it sounds like your friends lack manners and were jealous/annoyed that you've bought a property and they haven't (or somehow think when they do, they'll do better).

Does friend cook for you often?

lovemycbf · 04/05/2025 20:17

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 04/05/2025 19:13

One beer 🤣🤣

I know the bloody cheek 🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/05/2025 20:23

Both are rude. I'd ghost the friend.

BangersAndGnash · 04/05/2025 20:30

Now you know who not to invite back.

Congratulations and enjoy your new house.

bluesinthenight · 04/05/2025 20:34

Your friend has had a personality change with this relationship. Best to keep them at arm's length until they break up.

sprigatito · 04/05/2025 20:34

I think she thinks of you as wealthier than her and there’s probably a bit of unconscious resentment going on. So she doesn’t think to bring anything because in her mind the dynamic is more like a penniless student visiting a rich parent rather than a friendship of equals. She also has appalling taste in men, which can be a symptom of poor self esteem. I would probably distance myself from them, as life is too short to put up with rude and unpleasant behaviour regardless of its cause.

Itsjustgonenoonhalfpastmonsoon · 04/05/2025 20:38

I’m glad I don’t have inconsiderate friends like that. Sod that!!

ArminTamzerian · 04/05/2025 20:43

I'd rather die than turn up for dinner at someone's new home without a bottle of wine and a gift.
Literally could not do it.

Arancia · 04/05/2025 20:45

I would not be inviting either of them back into my home. They were extremely rude. And, it is a big deal to turn up empty-handed to someone's house.

Original poster
HyJess · 04/05/2025 20:47

Ilovelurchers · 04/05/2025 19:57

I hard to judge the rudeness or otherwise of comments when you don't actually hear them, as context and tone can make such a difference. The important thing here really is that you were upset/offended OP - after you had clearly gone to the trouble and expense of hosting what you hoped would be a nice evening. I am sorry that that happened, and it is quite reasonable to not invite them round again, given that is how you have been left feeling.

I will say add however that I have never liked the formality of dinner parties for this very reason - the need to make polite chitchat, often with people you don't know well (as was the case for friend's boyfriend here); being in someone's house, eating their food, and the need to ve sufficiently appreciative without sounding fake, even if the food or house actually isn't to your taste; the other etiquette rules (like bringing a drink) which don't necessarily come naturally to all, depending on our upbringing ..... Dd's dad was a massive dinner party fan, hosting and attending, and the pressure I felt on these occasions is I am sure one of the main causes of me developing the unhealthy relationship with alcohol that means I can now no longer drink!

In terms of the things this couple did:
A) not bringing a drink - yes this is bad - I don't know loads about etiquette but even I know you should take a drink or flowers or something if invited to a meal.
B) comments about your house - I actually wouldn't mind these too much - the comment on the room being small is just a statement of fact and perhaps just to promote a discussion of what you might use it for; and she likely could tell the decor in the sitting room wasn't yours, if it has evidently been there a while and you have just moved in. However, she ought really to have intermingled these with some positive statements to be kind, even if she doesn't like your house that much.
C) I don't think commenting that food is "rich" is an insult - it can actually be a compliment. His comment about regretting it tomorrow perhaps more about weight gain because he was eating it enthusiastically - again not an insult.
D) the comment about christening the kitchen I would just see as a joke and it wouldn't bother me in the least, but I am not offended by risque humour (it in itself is not hilarious obviously, but maybe he has a funny story about this he wanted to tell if the conversation had gone differently.

But, as I say, you were there and I wasn't, and if you were offended, of course your feelings are valid.

And after all that, my burning question (if you will forgive me) - what is it about your kitchen that would make it difficult to shag in? ;)

To your question at the end, I kind of blurted that out as an answer as I was on the spot and a bit taken aback! I’ve not given it much thought, I’m sure it is do-able if a bit impractical 😂

OP posts:
PretendToBeToastWithMe · 04/05/2025 20:48

I think if you are hosting then you don’t expect a gift or get upset about what people ate or drank. Gifts are nice but not expected and you invited them over for a meal and drink.

The rest of it is rude and weird behaviour on their part and I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them again.

Iloveyoubut · 04/05/2025 21:17

He sheepishly laughed? Ok

HunnyPot · 04/05/2025 21:21

She’s not a friend and he’s a prick.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 04/05/2025 21:21

Your friend's jealous, her boyfriend's a creep.

Re the jealousy, I've had this from 'friends', looking at my new place (the flat I used to live in and the house I now have) and criticising small things like the curtains being too plain (they were white voile) and the size (I live on my own so it's logical not to have three or four bedrooms) and unforgiveably going on and on about how unsafe they'd feel in the area I had moved to. For the most part, I dumped such friends. If they can't be pleased for you, they're not worth having.

DodgersJammyAndOtherwise · 04/05/2025 21:43

Bin. What a pair. In a few years they will have no friends at all.

Londog · 04/05/2025 22:01

Sorry but they’re not adding any value to your lives … xxx

nadine90 · 04/05/2025 22:02

Definitely sounds like jealousy from your friend. I can’t imagine saying anything but nice things about a friends new home or cooking. I also wouldn’t dream of turning up empty handed. Or of asking relative strangers about their sexual escapades! Is this out of character for your friend? If so, I’d hope she had just been hit by the green eyed monster briefly and will shake herself out of it. If not, time to reevaluate the friendship x

echt · 04/05/2025 22:13

They're rude not to bring wine or beer, but a dessert?

If you invite poeple for a meal, you feed them.

Cucy · 04/05/2025 22:17

HyJess · 04/05/2025 18:07

Friend is 30’s, boyfriend early 40’s.

We won’t be inviting them back in a hurry - DP’s first comment when they left was ‘what a tosser’!

Show quote history

I think the friend sounds way worse than the bf!

You say you sound nit picky but it sounds like she was trying to have a dig and find fault with anything.

I agree that she sounds jealous of you and your life.
I wouldn’t host her again and would back off from the friendship.