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Original poster

Friend and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night - CF behaviour?

146 replies

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

OP posts:
Jambolass · 04/05/2025 19:05

Smacks of jealousy to me.

MissyB1 · 04/05/2025 19:07

Your friend needs to dump the ignorant prick of a boyfriend, and she needs to value your friendship or lose it.

PullTheBricksDown · 04/05/2025 19:07

Rude. When I go to someone's house for dinner I compliment the meal and say it was lovely. I've done this even with disappointing meals as that's good manners. Likewise you bring something to drink with you. If you're teetotal and don't like buying alcohol then bring soft drinks, but either way you bring something. Poor that they've got to those ages without learning good dinner manners.

RaininSummer · 04/05/2025 19:08

Rude and crass. The comment about 'rich' food and consequences makes them sound like 85 year olds.

lovemycbf · 04/05/2025 19:09

She doesn’t sound like a good friend to me tbh
turning up empty handed is plain rude especially if her boyfriend likes a drink and criticising your lovely new home is plain old fashioned jealousy.
id not bother again if I were you as life’s too short to surround yourself with shitty people

Chocolatefrenzy · 04/05/2025 19:10

I'm not surprised at your feelings and no you're definitely not nick picking. I'm so sorry your friend is very jealous of you and your new house/stage in life. Her boyfriend does sound like a complete prat. Always listen to your gut and feelings as you know a true friend would never behave like this xx

lovemycbf · 04/05/2025 19:11

Btw I too had a friend who used to turn up either empty handed or with one beer for her husband it’s just bad behaviour

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 04/05/2025 19:13

One beer 🤣🤣

ssd · 04/05/2025 19:14

They sound very rude and ungrateful.

Wonderberry · 04/05/2025 19:19

Is your friend normally like this?

It all sounds spectacularly rude. I wouldn't be inviting them again.

Onthemaintrunkline · 04/05/2025 19:19

First time….last time!

Missj25 · 04/05/2025 19:22

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

A bit rude OP ! ! !
Any of the negative comments regarding your new home is definitely jealousy, which I’m sure very disappointing when you consider her your friend ..
Also, it’s bad manners not to bring anything at all …
Don’t like the sound of her new bf either ..
Def wouldn’t be having them around again ..

Congrats on your lovely new home btw , Hope you & your husband will be very happy there ☺️

diddl · 04/05/2025 19:26

If someone had asked me if we'd christened the kitchen I probably would have said-"obviously, this meal was cooked there!"

And thinking what an idiot.

They would probably have been thinking the same about me!

What was the meal Op?

I don't necessarily think of "rich" as a criticism, more an observation.

For example if I was having carbonara & it was a cream sauce I might think it "rich" as I generally just do egg.

JustSawJohnny · 04/05/2025 19:38

They sound awful, OP!

I'd be challenging that with her and, obviously, never offering to host them again.

MeridianB · 04/05/2025 19:38

SilviaSnuffleBum · 04/05/2025 18:01

The few things youve listed make them both sound like ignorant wankers.

This covers it. She’s not a friend. No way would I bother seeing her again. He sounds like an absolute creep.

You’re not imagining how rude they both were.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 19:39

I have no time for this nonsense now i am older.

When we got our current house it really began to sort the wheat from the chaff and we've lost contact with those who were jealous / weird (two were literally slack jawed - one stared at our ceilings and coving for about 20 mins 🤨 and the other my dhs friend asked how the house was so nice and had my parents had died - wtf???) And ignorant ones (there were 2 couples who came for a 4 course meal and would drink 2 bottles of wine each and bring nothing and barely say thanks. After the 2nd time they did it I said no more and I stopped inviting them)

I wouldn't be hurrying for another double date.

CombatBarbie · 04/05/2025 19:43

Whilst I'm in agreement with the rest of the comments....I'm rather intrigued as to why it would be difficult to christen the kitchen??

Clearly they didn't read the room....I know friends I could joke about this with and others I wouldn't. Certainly wouldn't ask someone I'd met once before.

DreamTheMoors · 04/05/2025 19:43

HyJess · 04/05/2025 18:07

Friend is 30’s, boyfriend early 40’s.

We won’t be inviting them back in a hurry - DP’s first comment when they left was ‘what a tosser’!

Show quote history

Their parents did a very poor job.

Tollington · 04/05/2025 19:44

They sound a bit jealous to me. I wouldn’t have invited them over for dinner as I think it was too soon having only met the bf the once and, you already had doubts over him

Both sound like knobs

FutureMandosWife · 04/05/2025 19:44

Going to go against most here if I invite someone to my house for dinner I don't mind if no dessert/drink etc. My friends and I seem to provide everything if it's our turn hosting. So I think that's a non issue.

However the other stuff that was said is not nice and wouldn't accept. They wouldnt be invited back to mine if I was going to see them it would be a restaurant (and yes the bills would be separate due to the drink)

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 04/05/2025 19:51

The jealous friend - how mean spirited. My third bedroom is like a tiny, tiny box. Nobody has ever remarked on it. You’d gone to all that effort over the food, and she said that? CF. And you didn’t even get so much as a box of After Eights.
As for him, well, pervy pisshead. MN is full of these threads with these dreary men who think they are being amusing. Sadly, we often become the company we keep and she’s becoming as awful as him.
No more invitations need to be offered.
And pity her that she’s chosen a man who would say something in front of new friends. Vile.

Moonlightdust · 04/05/2025 19:55

I’m guessing they are about 18 with a lack of social etiquette experience?

MrsCravensworth · 04/05/2025 19:55

They were both very rude.

Early 20s, I’d chalk it down to inexperience but early 40s, he’s a lost cause.

And of course, if someone is hosting dinner, you take wine, chocolates or flowers.

Ilovelurchers · 04/05/2025 19:57

I hard to judge the rudeness or otherwise of comments when you don't actually hear them, as context and tone can make such a difference. The important thing here really is that you were upset/offended OP - after you had clearly gone to the trouble and expense of hosting what you hoped would be a nice evening. I am sorry that that happened, and it is quite reasonable to not invite them round again, given that is how you have been left feeling.

I will say add however that I have never liked the formality of dinner parties for this very reason - the need to make polite chitchat, often with people you don't know well (as was the case for friend's boyfriend here); being in someone's house, eating their food, and the need to ve sufficiently appreciative without sounding fake, even if the food or house actually isn't to your taste; the other etiquette rules (like bringing a drink) which don't necessarily come naturally to all, depending on our upbringing ..... Dd's dad was a massive dinner party fan, hosting and attending, and the pressure I felt on these occasions is I am sure one of the main causes of me developing the unhealthy relationship with alcohol that means I can now no longer drink!

In terms of the things this couple did:
A) not bringing a drink - yes this is bad - I don't know loads about etiquette but even I know you should take a drink or flowers or something if invited to a meal.
B) comments about your house - I actually wouldn't mind these too much - the comment on the room being small is just a statement of fact and perhaps just to promote a discussion of what you might use it for; and she likely could tell the decor in the sitting room wasn't yours, if it has evidently been there a while and you have just moved in. However, she ought really to have intermingled these with some positive statements to be kind, even if she doesn't like your house that much.
C) I don't think commenting that food is "rich" is an insult - it can actually be a compliment. His comment about regretting it tomorrow perhaps more about weight gain because he was eating it enthusiastically - again not an insult.
D) the comment about christening the kitchen I would just see as a joke and it wouldn't bother me in the least, but I am not offended by risque humour (it in itself is not hilarious obviously, but maybe he has a funny story about this he wanted to tell if the conversation had gone differently.

But, as I say, you were there and I wasn't, and if you were offended, of course your feelings are valid.

And after all that, my burning question (if you will forgive me) - what is it about your kitchen that would make it difficult to shag in? ;)

Moonlightdust · 04/05/2025 19:58

MrsCravensworth · 04/05/2025 19:55

They were both very rude.

Early 20s, I’d chalk it down to inexperience but early 40s, he’s a lost cause.

And of course, if someone is hosting dinner, you take wine, chocolates or flowers.

Edited

Bloody hell I thought late teens or early 20s. Reminded me of some of my first dinner guests we had when I was that age. Yup the guy is a knob and the friend sounds like she could learn some manners too.