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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night - CF behaviour?

146 replies

HyJess · 04/05/2025 17:57

DP and I recently moved into our first house and invited one of my friends and her new boyfriend over for dinner last night. It’s only the second time we’ve met him and we weren’t overly sure of him on the first occasion but of course were going to give the benefit of the doubt and hoped to get to know him better.

Firstly, they didn’t bring anything with them e.g a bottle or a dessert etc. Not a massive deal (we always would as a courtesy), but her boyfriend likes a drink and DP was annoyed that at the pace he was drinking, he gave him more of his beer than he drunk himself.

When they first arrived, we excitedly gave a tour of our house and my friend commented on one of the bedrooms being small (it’s the third room which we will use as an office so is what it is) and said something about how she didn’t like the decor in the lounge - we’ll get round to updating it but she wasn’t to know it wasn’t something we’d done ourselves. She didn’t really say anything positive.

For dinner, I made a pasta dish which I’ve done a few times before and I’d checked with my friend in the week that they’d both like it. When we were eating it, my friend commented that it was very ‘rich’. I wasn’t sure how to take it whether it was a compliment or criticism. Her boyfriend immediately followed up by saying that he hoped he didn’t suffer the consequences in the morning. Which was basically him saying he hoped my cooking wouldn’t make him ill. Both of them cleared their plates anyway!

Afterwards, we were sat in the kitchen drinking and chatting and her boyfriend asked me if we had christened the kitchen yet, I asked what he meant and he said have we had sex in there. I said that would be difficult and he sheepishly laughed. Completely inappropriate question.

My friend said thanks for hosting when their taxi picked them up but her boyfriend didn’t.

I probably sound a bit nit picky but it felt like one thing after another and just a bit rude!

OP posts:
Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 05/05/2025 19:20

Friend is definitely jealous and dating losers like him isn’t going to help her achieve what she clearly envies in life. You might find you drift apart in the coming years as your lives take different trajectories. Or she meets someone decent and has a personality transplant.

BlueFlowers5 · 05/05/2025 19:26

Jealous and nervous

Waterbreakingwaves · 05/05/2025 19:31

Ick.
Incredibly nasty behaviour.
Ease her/them out.
Congratulations on the house

Someone2025 · 05/05/2025 19:34

HyJess · 05/05/2025 19:12

He has never owned a house, recent years has always lived in shared accommodation (I think that’s the term - basically rents his own room in a bigger house)

They are both jealous then

Createausername1970 · 05/05/2025 19:36

coxesorangepippin · 04/05/2025 18:58

Early 40's, Christ

I thought you were gonna say 20's

What an arse

Snap!!

That's exactly what I thought.

laraitopbanana · 05/05/2025 20:03

She is jealous and bad at hiding it, she left him being rude to satisfy vengeance for your success.
things will settle but she isn’t your friend as she isn’t happy for you…

ChocolateAddictAlways · 05/05/2025 20:48

Scottishskifun · 04/05/2025 18:03

Yep incredibly rude!

Your friend sounds like she might be a bit jealous with the snarky remarks as well.
Personally I wouldn't be in a hurry to invite them around again!

Agree.

I think snarky remarks like the ones OP mentioned her friend made are often a reflection of an insecurity or a certain level of envy.

ilovemyhamster · 05/05/2025 21:48

I have a very low threshold for rudeness and poor behaviour. Move on. Focus on your nicer friends. Wishing you much happiness in your new home OP x

Growlybear83 · 05/05/2025 21:54

I think they sound quite rude and I can’t imagine going to anyone’s house for dinner and not taking a bottle of wine. But I also think it’s a bit weird to take someone on a tour of your new house.

PiggyPigalle · 05/05/2025 23:35

Growlybear83 · 05/05/2025 21:54

I think they sound quite rude and I can’t imagine going to anyone’s house for dinner and not taking a bottle of wine. But I also think it’s a bit weird to take someone on a tour of your new house.

I'd never show anyone over a house, it's cringeworthy and puts the guests in an awkward situation.

SparklyDenimHiker · 05/05/2025 23:57

sheesh they sound like twats

EmmaJane2025 · 06/05/2025 00:45

Unbelievable! Not one single example is anywhere close to being acceptable! Him not saying thank you though, after you fed him and gave him all that booze is just deplorable. I’d have to say something to my soon to be ex-friend.

mathanxiety · 06/05/2025 01:23

Sorry you had a miserable time with these rude people.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 06/05/2025 04:13

Gosh... Jealous, petty, rude and cheap. Never invite them again. If you want to stay in touch with your friends, get together for coffee or a meal outside, so each pays their way.

scotstars · 06/05/2025 06:19

Rude and jealous I.wouldnt be hosting them as a couple again

RampantIvy · 06/05/2025 06:28

Wildefish · 05/05/2025 19:03

People who correct other people’s grammar or spelling is extremely rude imo.

What?

Reread my post.

I wasn't correcting spelling or grammar. I was suggesting that the OP never invites them again.

You have completely missed the point here.

spoonbillstretford · 06/05/2025 06:30

They sound rude, graceless, ignorant, resentful and jealous. I couldn't be arsed with people like that. Do they have any redeeming features?

dottiedodah · 06/05/2025 06:45

Very rude crass behaviour. He is one of those middle age guys who thinks about sex all the time,hence the rude comment.Who the he'll doesn't bring wine,and then proceeds to drink all the hosts? Just don't see them again

Tourmalines · 06/05/2025 06:48

Users . I’d never have them over again .

dointhebestwecan · 06/05/2025 06:56

I think a lot of these replies are very middle class. If you invite someone round it’s better not to be so quick to make judgements yourself. Take people for what they are. People are all too ready to think things about each other. Your friend seems to have had a tricky time n I wud say it’s insensitive to insist she gets a tour of your house. No one wants to do those - it’s just showing off and anyone less fortunate is bound to find it difficult.

BlondiePortz · 06/05/2025 06:57

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 04/05/2025 18:00

Yep rude, and probably jealous. The bf is a cf and I wouldn’t be hosting again.

I get the rude comment but jealous of what?

Weepixie · 06/05/2025 07:02

I wouldn’t have them to visit ever again but when I do have people visit it wouldn’t matter to me if they didn’t bring a gift with them and I’d certainly not be keeping tabs on the amount they were drinking (or eating).

If you’re breaking bread and wine with people you give whole heartedly even if it means going without yourself/them knocking back more than you do as the host.

Plumedenom · 06/05/2025 07:03

Agree that all of these things would have riled me up the wrong way. Especially the negative remarks. You go to someone's new house and you find the positives. That's called politeness. And you bring drinks.

Plumedenom · 06/05/2025 07:10

dointhebestwecan · 06/05/2025 06:56

I think a lot of these replies are very middle class. If you invite someone round it’s better not to be so quick to make judgements yourself. Take people for what they are. People are all too ready to think things about each other. Your friend seems to have had a tricky time n I wud say it’s insensitive to insist she gets a tour of your house. No one wants to do those - it’s just showing off and anyone less fortunate is bound to find it difficult.

I am sure the upper classes don't swap five quid bottles of wine when they go to each other's houses. However at nearly all levels of society in most countries in Europe, the norm is to bring a gift for the host. Now if you're extremely good friends and you reciprocate often then maybe this isn't always followed, but as a one-off invitation, most people would bring something, anything, or at least be apologetic if they came empty handed.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/05/2025 07:13

Plumedenom · 06/05/2025 07:10

I am sure the upper classes don't swap five quid bottles of wine when they go to each other's houses. However at nearly all levels of society in most countries in Europe, the norm is to bring a gift for the host. Now if you're extremely good friends and you reciprocate often then maybe this isn't always followed, but as a one-off invitation, most people would bring something, anything, or at least be apologetic if they came empty handed.

Agreed. Why even bring class into it?