To be upset by my first Bridget Jones Experience?

[mumhas1syllable]

Long story short, I’m nearing 40, single mum, a few long term relationships but nothing that has lasted longer than 5 years.

Left most recent relationship because other party was coercive and had narcissistic tendencies. Realised I needed to work heavily on myself so invested in therapy and have spent the past 9 months working through childhood trauma, anxious attachment and pulling myself out of very deep depression. I’ve come so far and recently started to feel well enough to taper off anti depressants and start my life again.

attended best friends birthday party yesterday, where comments were made about my single status that felt derogatory. A further games night was discussed and I displayed my enthusiasm to attend. Only for her to announce that I wasn’t invited because it’s couples only. This was in front of the whole group and to be frank, was humiliating.

noteworthy that recently she has been flaky with any plans and not attending last minute and instead participating in events with her married friends.

I’ve never been ostracized for being single before or even made to feel like it’s a negative aspect of my life and who I am.

AIBU to be deeply hurt by this and to want to walk away from the friendship? And also to feel like a complete failure because I’m middle aged and single? I feel like I’m so unworthy and I’ve spent nearly a year of my life working toward feeling worthy and this has knocked me back hugely.

Yep! Cue tumbleweed and lots of downcast eyes. I was no better, I merely mumbled something along the lines of “well, that’s disciminatory, I’m single not stupid”. But the conversation then moved on and I most likely just looked even more of a tit! A single tit if I’m being precise. lol

She’s not a good friend, that’s awful of her. I would distance yourself from this ‘friend’ and find new ones! Try not to let it knock you back. Has she made snide remarks at you before? Some friendships can have an unhealthy dynamic just like relationships can, I just wonder as you say you’ve been in unhealthy relationships before have you also let this friend treat you badly and not recognised it?

That woman is absolutely not your friend. She’s a nasty, smug bitch. “Couples only” events reek of mean girls in high school. And it’s nothing to do with you, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. It is to do with her. Avoid her in future.

Yes I think you’re absolutely right. I was very anxiously attached to people and was the human equivalent of a doormat. Perhaps the changes in me are no longer serving the relationship. I also need to do some more work on me so these types of people and comments don’t affect me so much.

No snide remarks previously but there could have been and I would just have accepted them because my self esteem was lower than my bank account! Some remarks made that evening about how sensitive I have become because I have found a softer side of myself and I am more vulnerable - I do open up whereas before I was a closed book.

She really isn't your friend. I'm shocked at the reaction of the others, too. I'm sorry she upset you - it was a really nasty remark.

Did she think at the time that you should have stayed with your partner, even though he was bad for you?

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I think I’m half frustrated with my own reactions to her comment and disappointed that I have allowed myself to be disrespected again.

I do think I need to continue working on myself and building myself up.

Yes unfortunately. At the time I put it down to alcohol and “showing off” in front of a new couple she has become friendly with but in hindsight - I just think she was being a bit of a cow because I’m not the lap dog I once was - this was not just with her. It was all friendships and relationships. No need to ask me to jump, I was already doing it.

Fuck that bitch. Walk away head held high. Don't look back.

That's just nasty and stupid. How does it even work in real life?

Most couples I know are not joined at the hip, and it's very very rare for all couples to attend evenings out together. Between childcare, work commitment, other friends commitment, weekends away, there's always a few people who turn up alone.

AIBU to be deeply hurt by this and to want to walk away from the friendship?

it's not a friendship frankly.

She was very supportive when I chose to leave and I didn’t see her during the relationship because she did not like said partner, would not come to the house and was very distant with me. When I chose to leave she was seemingly very supportive and said she was just giving me space to “do the right thing”.

I’m sorry but that is simply not what I would call a good friend. It is completely her behaviour that is out of order. You do not need that kind of energy in your life.

No previous comments that I can think of, but I may not have noticed because I did let people speak to me or about me disrespectfully. Including parents.

I’ve started to speak up so I don’t know why I didn’t last night. Possibly because it was a group setting and I was embarrassed.

I think your response was quite good OP. Personally, now you have found yourself and will not be a doormat to these types of friends anymore I think you should move on and find new friends who appreciate you for being you. This mean girl attitude sounds horrendous and not something I would tolerate or stand by.

Not a good friend! I had this a bit after my marriage imploded, suddenly i wasn’t on the guest list for certain things that we would have attended as a family or he was invited not me

thankfully not everyone is mean or convinced that you’ll steal their husband. I’ve moved away after meeting a new partner and they went completely cold, you know who your friends really are

Fourteen. And I’m very lucky because she’s a lovely teenager!