To be upset by my first Bridget Jones Experience?

[mumhas1syllable]

Long story short, I’m nearing 40, single mum, a few long term relationships but nothing that has lasted longer than 5 years.

Left most recent relationship because other party was coercive and had narcissistic tendencies. Realised I needed to work heavily on myself so invested in therapy and have spent the past 9 months working through childhood trauma, anxious attachment and pulling myself out of very deep depression. I’ve come so far and recently started to feel well enough to taper off anti depressants and start my life again.

attended best friends birthday party yesterday, where comments were made about my single status that felt derogatory. A further games night was discussed and I displayed my enthusiasm to attend. Only for her to announce that I wasn’t invited because it’s couples only. This was in front of the whole group and to be frank, was humiliating.

noteworthy that recently she has been flaky with any plans and not attending last minute and instead participating in events with her married friends.

I’ve never been ostracized for being single before or even made to feel like it’s a negative aspect of my life and who I am.

AIBU to be deeply hurt by this and to want to walk away from the friendship? And also to feel like a complete failure because I’m middle aged and single? I feel like I’m so unworthy and I’ve spent nearly a year of my life working toward feeling worthy and this has knocked me back hugely.

Thank you and that is exactly what I shall do moving forward! Have as much self respect as Berlinlover and move on x

Quite frankly, fuck her and the horse she rode in on.

Dear 'friend'

I just wanted to address the way you attempted to other and humiliate me last night. I have no idea why you have such a problem with single people, are you fearful of it happening to you? I have no idea why. I'm incredibly happy and, for the first time in my life, actually standing up for myself and setting healthy boundaries and expectations for all of my relationships.

Speaking of which, please don't ever attempt to bring me down with the 'Bridget Jones' tactics again. Whilst it didn't bother me awfully, I see it for what it is and it left quite a nasty taste in my mouth. Frankly, I expected better from you.

If you want to talk about it, I'm free for coffee.

Syllable

I’d like you to see that these comments say way way more about your ‘friend’ than you can ever know. Not only did she embarrass you she advertised her true self. Dismiss and absolutely walk away from this hugely unkind person. If you don’t, it signals to her you’re fair game for more of her toxic comments.

I really hope you tell your friend how horrible she was. And that you are taking a step back from the friendship because she is clearly either thoughtless or actually looks down on you. Sorry this happened to you.

PS . If you don’t walk away you are giving her free license to give you another serve when she feels like it. No way would I give her that right.

My ex partner was very wealthy and I left with just the clothes on my back and didn’t look back. He was very controlling and the chance of me leaving with the shred of dignity I had left was slim as it was. I suppose I expected support and not fear and jealousy - I slept on my mums sofa for months (my child had her own room and everything she needed) and suffered the humility of it all - my friend even announced at the party the amount of times I had been to sleep at hers just for the opportunity and luxury of a bed during that period. Not said with pity or support - very mocking.

If she fears her husband being stolen by a woman who cried tears of joy at sleeping in a proper bed once a week….. thats all I need to know isn’t it. Thank you for helping me with perspective x

Bridget Jones is fiction, and toxic fiction at that. Your friends are wankers.

I would bet on it that there is/has been some cheating in her relationship. She is acting as though she sees you as a threat to her marriage now you are single

Walk away?
Dear heart, you need to run like the wind. ❤️

my friend even announced at the party the amount of times I had been to sleep at hers just for the opportunity and luxury of a bed during that period. Not said with pity or support - very mocking.

You need rid of her. I’d have been so proud of you for escaping that situation - what an absolute cow to diminish the massive thing that you did.

In Bridget Jones parlance, I think you've just been stung by a jellyfish.

I think your comment in response was pretty good. I'd have really struggled not to be lost for any words at all and then felt annoyed I hadn't defended myself, good on you!

Definitely widen your circle. Join singles' groups, for example. Join some hobby groups. There's nothing wrong you. Don't feel bad. Your friend is a jerk.

I think you sound wonderful. I also think that your "best friend" is no friend at all. She should be thrilled that you got yourself out of the awful relationship, and be absolutely championing you! Don't let her get you down, she's not worth it. You should feel very proud of yourself for doing so well.

I'm 44, a single mum of two, and filed for divorce from XH 6yrs ago (time flies!). I too love doing quiet stuff at home: reading, cooking, hanging out with my cats, having people over. I rarely drink (and when I do, it's one or two units of alcohol and no more). I'll go to the occasional party and meet up with friends when we can. I'm lucky that most of my mates, I've known for decades (way before any spouses were in the picture). Luckily no one cares who is single and who is in a relationship. FWIW, I bloody love being single!!

Definitely find some cool hobby groups or things like that. Sounds stupid, but when I split with XH, I made myself go out to places with the kids, including taking them on camping trips (sometimes with friends and sometimes solo) etc. We always had a good time and met up with loads of people. I've just upgraded to an old VW campervan and am plotting to go on some great trips and events with it (once it's done up - I'm working on it!). Can't wait!!

TicTac80 - how inspiring. Your life sounds absolutely fabulous and you built it for yourself. It’s watered my little seed of hope because it can be done and I just need to keep getting up and putting my big girl (big Bridget!) pants on and do what’s right for me and my child. We’ve booked a “glamping” weekend for just before she returns to school so hopefully it will be the first of many. And a VW camper is just so cool!!! 😍

Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to reply and give your wonderful words of wisdom and the chuckles some of you gave me. It’s helped me beyond measure and after an early night, I’ve woken up ready to keep going and leave the past and those who are not good for me, in the past. ❤️

I swear kindness breeds kindness - after all your collective love, I awoke to a message of a person gifting me the table I have been coveting for free! So off to collect that and then stare joyfully at it in my kitchen for unhealthy amounts of time! 😂 and to my ex friends disdain, I shall of course cry tears of gratitude and dance around the kitchen!

You're such a sweetie. Don't let any fucker dim your light.

I’m not one to encourage dwelling in a situation but this wasn’t just a comment. It was a position statement and blatant exclusion.

She sounds awful and YANBU to distance yourself from her. She sounds like someone who would stay in an awful relationship just because she wouldn’t want to be single.
But, being single and having therapy to help ensure any future relationships are far more healthy is much better than staying in an awful and abusive relationship. So well done you. Keep focussing on you and forget this “friend”.

She is NOT your ‘best friend’. She’s a sad loser who obviously defines herself by having a partner rather than being an individual in her own right.

You’ve worked hard to recognise that loving yourself is the key to a happy life; your worth comes from within you, not from having a partner. Your so-called friend obviously hasn’t got this insight.

Don’t allow her to derail your progress - you are worth a million of her.

I actually think she’s jealous of you🙂

My friend is currently going through a similar situation in one of their friendships groups. My advice was to leave them to it and focus on their friends that make the effort with them away from the ‘couples only’ brigade.