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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that when we go to visit friends on a planned visit for an hour they could put their dog in another room as dd is terrified?

32 replies

peacelily · 18/05/2008 20:55

Yes I know it's their dog and their house but dd20m has just developed a total fear of dogs. When one comes too near she trembles like a leaf and makes this yowling noise not like her usual cry.

I'm trying to desensitze her with a toddler version of graduated exposure ie down to the park to look at the dogs then a bit closer etc. etc.

At friends house their dog jumps all over us and she's petrified. Also this is going to confirm rather than disconfirm her anxiety.

Is it unresonable to ask them to put the dog in another room/the garden for an hour? Or is it me who's being unfair?

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 18/05/2008 20:57

I asked a friend once and he explained the dog would be miserable if they did this
I accepted that and we met at my house instead of his house until ds got over the fear

rachaelsara · 18/05/2008 20:59

I've got dogs, and I don't think you abu at all. If the dog is miserable for a while, it will forget the minute you let it back in, whereas a child will remember and get worse. Good plan with the gradual exposure. A dog jumping all over wouldn't help.

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:00

When they come here they bring the dog with them! Dog v v attached to the Mum, doesn't cope well with being separated.

OP posts:

guitar · 18/05/2008 21:01

have you asked and they've responded negatively? or are you asking if you should ask - yes you should

if they can't do it, say you can't visit till she's better. don't let them bring the dog into the house - its a dog not a baby

KaSo · 18/05/2008 21:02

It's the dogs house too and he can't go elsewhere. Mine would have howled the place down if he were locked in a room so I'd have refused. That said, my dog wouldn't have been jumping up on children, that is a big no no.

rachaelsara · 18/05/2008 21:02

Poor doggy! How silly and rude. I love my dogs, but I wouldn't inflict them on to a nervous baby, or anyone who doesn't like dogs. If people visis my house, I always shut the dogs out, and ask the visitors permission to let them in. It's only polite.

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:03

I'm gutted she has this fear BTW, I had several dogs all my childhood and I love them! Would love a little dog eventually.

I think they could do with dealing with the dogs separation anxiety issues though. It's just not practical to take a dog everywhere you go and they need to learn to cope at home alone for a little while.

OP posts:

guitar · 18/05/2008 21:04

don't worry - a lot of little ones have weird fears and she'll get over it - my youngest was the same and now loves them

deanychip · 18/05/2008 21:04

we have freinds that have ahuge boxer that jumps up, slavers and barks at any one who visits.
the couple think that it is absolutely the bees knees.
i have a lifelong terror of dogs big or small.
they know this and make no effort to put it into another room.
they have a 14 months old child, the dog knocks the baby over constantly..they jsut laugh and say "oh Henry" but dont seem to bother.

i have stopped going.
ils have one as well, i fucking hate that mutt, every cup of tea has a hair in it, every meal they make you has hairs in it, it stinks.

Heated · 18/05/2008 21:06

Is your friend's dog only excitable with visitors in the first 10 mins and then settles down, or it is fruit loops all the time?

Hulababy · 18/05/2008 21:06

I don't think you can insist they "hide" their dog at their house. However you can say they can't bring the dog into your house.

I would arrange to meet up at your huse for now, whilst continuing wth your plan for desensitising DD, but without the dog in tow.

deanychip · 18/05/2008 21:07

sorry, having said all that (gonna get ripped to shreds now by dog lovers now arent i....ho hum)

i REALLY do not want my child to be like me about animals, so i make absolutely sure that he doesnt pick up on my hatred. tis very very distressing

aGalChangedHerName · 18/05/2008 21:07

I no longer visit my mother for this very reason Dd2 cried the whole time/trembled and shook but all my mum said was "oh dear poor dd2 what a shame" when i said we better go as dd2 is scared.

I hate when people put dogs before dcs. Especially when it's grandchildren

rachaelsara · 18/05/2008 21:10

Dogs are animals. They are simple, uncomplicated creatures. People aren't.

Divastrop · 18/05/2008 21:12

YANBU.my mum used to put the dog out of the living room whenever visitors came just untill he'd calmed down,and my FIL does the same,its just polite i would have thought.

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:14

She's a lovely natured dog but pretty frisky and excitable, it's actually not too bad if we can sit in the garden as she has a mad 20 mins or so then goes and potters off. dd is ok and will eventually get off my knee to play if she knows the dog isn't near.

It's just when we're in the house she does tear about a bit and I have to say my dogs have previously always been trained not to jump up, but it could be to do with the breed. We had rescue greyhounds and they're quite docile this dog is a Westie and a lot more bouncy generally.

OP posts:

getmeouttahere · 18/05/2008 21:15

In the pecking order of life , dogs are waaaaay below humans.

If they do not put the dog out for the reasons you have stated, they are out of order.

BTW, I have a dog and keep it under control.

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:17

I do agree germeouofhere, dogs should be well loved and treated and that involves them knowing their place. They develop behavioural problems if they're allowed too much control and can almost bully the human inhabitants of a house!

OP posts:

getmeouttahere · 18/05/2008 21:20

Yes, peacelily.

I am a dog owner and dog lover. They are a pack animal and truly happier when they know their place in the pack.

In my house, their place is somewhere below me, DH, DC and any visitors.

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 18/05/2008 21:23

Deanychip - I wouldn't think any less of someone who doesn't like my dog and would put my dog in another room. (she gets terribly excited when people arrive)

I don't really have my dog in the same room as my children unless I am watching all 3 of them.

I get frustrated when my husband doesn't realise that some of our guests are scared of dogs. Sometimes, I'll even take my dog to my mums if I've got a lot of people round and I'm not sure how they are around dogs.

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:23

When I was a child if visitors came the dogs went in the study. They knew it and didn't complain they didn't stay locked up in there for hours but they were out of the way so visitors could have a relaxing visit.

I LOVE animals but think it's wierd when pets are treated as subsitute children but usually more pampered and spoilt than most children!

OP posts:

getmeouttahere · 18/05/2008 21:29

My IL's are fecking potty about animals.

They had a birthday party for their dog and sent out "invites" to other doggies WTF???

Then the rest of the family had to sit thru the pics of what a lovely time the doggies had with special bonio treats and party hats.

I fucking despair (but thats another story )

andiem · 18/05/2008 21:35

yanbu at all
some friends of ours have a very excitable alsation cross and it pinned ds1 down on the floor the other day he is now absolutely hysterical about dogs it is such a shame as we are good friends but the dog is allowed to run wild when people arrive

Original poster

peacelily · 18/05/2008 21:36

ROFL at your ILs getmeouttahere!! Some people really do court madness with their devotion to their animals.

We dogsat said dog when I was pg, we looked after her on a bank holiday weekend. When she was dropped off she had a diamante dog collar on and a black dog designer jumper with "dog" on it in diamante letters.

We had to let her sleep on the bottom of the bed as she made such a fuss at night. She's v pampered to say the least.

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 18/05/2008 21:40

my friends ds has a big fear of dogs. we went for lunch today andd took our 13wk old puppy, she asked us too.

he doest jump up or nip or bite, and he will sit when you tell him too. After a bit of restlessness from her ds, and at the end of our visit (4hrs) he did stroke the dog. they do want to get a dog, so seeing ours will help.

the dog in the OP does sound badly trained. I have a close friends wife who is scared of dogs, i used to put ours out when they came. When they next come I certainly won;t lock him away out of choice but if it makes her more comfortable then he can go in his crate for a sleep. People do come first.

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