to think that when we go to visit friends on a planned visit for an hour they could put their dog in another room as dd is terrified?

[peacelily]

Yes I know it's their dog and their house but dd20m has just developed a total fear of dogs. When one comes too near she trembles like a leaf and makes this yowling noise not like her usual cry.

I'm trying to desensitze her with a toddler version of graduated exposure ie down to the park to look at the dogs then a bit closer etc. etc.

At friends house their dog jumps all over us and she's petrified. Also this is going to confirm rather than disconfirm her anxiety.

Is it unresonable to ask them to put the dog in another room/the garden for an hour? Or is it me who's being unfair?

[purpleduck]

My friend's dd was petrified of our dog. Everytime she came over, I did put the dog away, but my friend would always (very gently) get her daughter to give the dog a pat.
Eventually she was ok with the dog.

Now they have their own and her daughter is not scared at all!!

For the record

Yes, children come above dogs, but that does not mean that the fear should be reinforced, especially with something like dogs (as they are everywhere)
Yes, make sure the kids are safe and be considerate, but I would not cultivate the fear by never letting the child into contact with any dog.


BTW, I was attacked by a german shepard when I was a child, so I was petrified of big dogs for a long time. I know what its like to be scared.

[Threadwworm]

To the OP: It's entirely reasonable to ask the owner to put the dog somewhere else. I usually put my dog right out of the way when we have a visitor round, unless the visitor is a big buddy of the dog.

It sounds like the dog has separation problems and would probably create havoc if left alone in another room. I'm sure that's a problem for the owner and she probably feels stressed by it.

A friend of DS2 who dislikes dogs doesn't like my dog to be around at all when he is in our house (which is fine) but actually enjoys the dog when we go for walks together, so perhaps somewhere outside is a better place for your dc to get used to this bouncey dog.

[potoftea]

It's unreasonable to let a dog bother visitors whether they like the dog or not. My dog sheds hair all over us when he jumps up on us, so when we've visitors I assume they don't want to leave the house covered in dog hairs and keep him separate unless they want to see him.

I usually block off the doorway with his crate, so he can't get in, but can still see us.

We think he's lovely but have to accept that not everyone likes being licked and shed on when they visit.

[nappyaddict]

is the dog like it all the time or does it calm down after a while?

[blinkingthreetimes]

My sister is like this with her dog ,it's so big and jumpy even I am terrified of it but she wont lock it away ,but them moans when noone comes up .

Last time I went up I was drinking a glass of wine and it jumped up and knocked it all in my face !!!! Funnily enough though the only person that can get it to obey orders is my 6 yr old dd .

It is hard my pet hate is when dog owners say "oh he wont hurt you he's just saying hello" WTF !

If I were you I would not visit anymore until your dd is over her fear .

[chunkychips]

Next time you get invited, just explain you can't come over because dd is frightened of dogs at the moment and see what she says. Would be surprised if she didn't come up with a solution. Dogs shouldn't be jumping all over people anyway. Very annoying.

[lins1uk]

i have a dog and always put him in another room when people visit as he gets very excited and i dont think its fair on visitors to put up with that,people come before any animal and if the dog gets face on so what! they will get over it.

[hertsnessex]

my friends ds has a big fear of dogs. we went for lunch today andd took our 13wk old puppy, she asked us too.

he doest jump up or nip or bite, and he will sit when you tell him too. After a bit of restlessness from her ds, and at the end of our visit (4hrs) he did stroke the dog. they do want to get a dog, so seeing ours will help.

the dog in the OP does sound badly trained. I have a close friends wife who is scared of dogs, i used to put ours out when they came. When they next come I certainly won;t lock him away out of choice but if it makes her more comfortable then he can go in his crate for a sleep. People do come first.

[peacelily]

ROFL at your ILs getmeouttahere!! Some people really do court madness with their devotion to their animals.

We dogsat said dog when I was pg, we looked after her on a bank holiday weekend. When she was dropped off she had a diamante dog collar on and a black dog designer jumper with "dog" on it in diamante letters.

We had to let her sleep on the bottom of the bed as she made such a fuss at night. She's v pampered to say the least.

[andiem]

yanbu at all
some friends of ours have a very excitable alsation cross and it pinned ds1 down on the floor the other day he is now absolutely hysterical about dogs it is such a shame as we are good friends but the dog is allowed to run wild when people arrive

[getmeouttahere]

My IL's are fecking potty about animals.

They had a birthday party for their dog and sent out "invites" to other doggies WTF???

Then the rest of the family had to sit thru the pics of what a lovely time the doggies had with special bonio treats and party hats.

I fucking despair (but thats another story )

[peacelily]

When I was a child if visitors came the dogs went in the study. They knew it and didn't complain they didn't stay locked up in there for hours but they were out of the way so visitors could have a relaxing visit.

I LOVE animals but think it's wierd when pets are treated as subsitute children but usually more pampered and spoilt than most children!

[MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo]

Deanychip - I wouldn't think any less of someone who doesn't like my dog and would put my dog in another room. (she gets terribly excited when people arrive)

I don't really have my dog in the same room as my children unless I am watching all 3 of them.

I get frustrated when my husband doesn't realise that some of our guests are scared of dogs. Sometimes, I'll even take my dog to my mums if I've got a lot of people round and I'm not sure how they are around dogs.

[getmeouttahere]

Yes, peacelily.

I am a dog owner and dog lover. They are a pack animal and truly happier when they know their place in the pack.

In my house, their place is somewhere below me, DH, DC and any visitors.

[peacelily]

I do agree germeouofhere, dogs should be well loved and treated and that involves them knowing their place. They develop behavioural problems if they're allowed too much control and can almost bully the human inhabitants of a house!

[getmeouttahere]

In the pecking order of life , dogs are waaaaay below humans.

If they do not put the dog out for the reasons you have stated, they are out of order.

BTW, I have a dog and keep it under control.

[peacelily]

She's a lovely natured dog but pretty frisky and excitable, it's actually not too bad if we can sit in the garden as she has a mad 20 mins or so then goes and potters off. dd is ok and will eventually get off my knee to play if she knows the dog isn't near.

It's just when we're in the house she does tear about a bit and I have to say my dogs have previously always been trained not to jump up, but it could be to do with the breed. We had rescue greyhounds and they're quite docile this dog is a Westie and a lot more bouncy generally.

[Divastrop]

YANBU.my mum used to put the dog out of the living room whenever visitors came just untill he'd calmed down,and my FIL does the same,its just polite i would have thought.

[rachaelsara]

Dogs are animals. They are simple, uncomplicated creatures. People aren't.

[aGalChangedHerName]

I no longer visit my mother for this very reason Dd2 cried the whole time/trembled and shook but all my mum said was "oh dear poor dd2 what a shame" when i said we better go as dd2 is scared.

I hate when people put dogs before dcs. Especially when it's grandchildren

[deanychip]

sorry, having said all that (gonna get ripped to shreds now by dog lovers now arent i....ho hum)

i REALLY do not want my child to be like me about animals, so i make absolutely sure that he doesnt pick up on my hatred. tis very very distressing

[Hulababy]

I don't think you can insist they "hide" their dog at their house. However you can say they can't bring the dog into your house.

I would arrange to meet up at your huse for now, whilst continuing wth your plan for desensitising DD, but without the dog in tow.

[Heated]

Is your friend's dog only excitable with visitors in the first 10 mins and then settles down, or it is fruit loops all the time?

[deanychip]

we have freinds that have ahuge boxer that jumps up, slavers and barks at any one who visits.
the couple think that it is absolutely the bees knees.
i have a lifelong terror of dogs big or small.
they know this and make no effort to put it into another room.
they have a 14 months old child, the dog knocks the baby over constantly..they jsut laugh and say "oh Henry" but dont seem to bother.

i have stopped going.
ils have one as well, i fucking hate that mutt, every cup of tea has a hair in it, every meal they make you has hairs in it, it stinks.

[guitar]

don't worry - a lot of little ones have weird fears and she'll get over it - my youngest was the same and now loves them