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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH unrealistic exprctations

107 replies

Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:16

DH just seems to be unrealistic with his expectations. When DS now 4 was a baby he just expected him to sleep when he was supposed to fed when he was supposed to and generally just fit in with his previous life. He is still like it now woth DS and expects him to just sit quietly watching TV and to be fully obedient until he is ready to play with him.

He has said for a long time he wanted a dog, so we got a puppy and the same thing is happening again. Puppy is 11 weeks and has been with us a week. He expects him to just be potty trained and sleep in his crate within a couple of days, he expects him to never bark and to be able to be left alone in a room whilst we all potter around the home. I've told him this is unrealistic and can take months.

He is now walking around slamming things and swearing, saying he wants to get rid of the dog. He's so argumentative at the moment and nothing anyone does is right. Apparently every time the dog doesn't do something he wants its somehow my fault.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this. How do I get it through to him it just needs patience (which appears to be something he lacks)

OP posts:
Original poster
Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:17

Just to add the housework has not been done in a week, DS isn't allowed to play and we aren't even allowed in the kitchen incase we wake the dog up

OP posts:
FGSWhatMoreCanISay · 04/05/2025 11:18

Well he's not suddenly going to be a different character, is he, so there's not a lot you can do.

This is who he is.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. 💐

Throckmorton · 04/05/2025 11:19

What is he bringing to this family, other than stress? Doesn't sound like a great person for a kid to grow up around

LoafofSellotape · 04/05/2025 11:20

I would re-home the dog now, it's not fair on anyone in the family least of all the dog. Can't see she's behaviour getting any better anytime soon, what a twat!

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 04/05/2025 11:21

He sounds awful. Agree this is who he is. He expects other people to fit in with him and make everything right for him.

dreamingbohemian · 04/05/2025 11:21

You cannot 'get through to him' this is who he is. No idea why you'd want to be with someone so controlling and nasty.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/05/2025 11:21

Why on earth did you get a dog? Were you expecting it to come with a free personality transplant for the owner?

Honestly OP is this what you what for your child and your life? And no I’m not talking about the dog

nopineapplepizza · 04/05/2025 11:21

Do not have another child with this man child, let alone a pet 🙄

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 04/05/2025 11:22

Return the dog to the breeder and decide if this angry, low intellect man is really what you want in life.

MikeRafone · 04/05/2025 11:22

Id tell him you feel his pain, you got a husband & is fucking grumpy when things don't go his way - no putting the effort and time in to mske stuff happen, jyst expects it to happen,

repeat as needed

legoplaybook · 04/05/2025 11:22

Definitely take the dog back to the breeder now while it's young enough to be rehomed to someone who isn't a twat. Poor puppy deserves better.
Think very hard about whether your 4 year old deserves better too!

Mrsttcno1 · 04/05/2025 11:24

LoafofSellotape · 04/05/2025 11:20

I would re-home the dog now, it's not fair on anyone in the family least of all the dog. Can't see she's behaviour getting any better anytime soon, what a twat!

Edited

This.

We have a Labrador and we all absolutely adore him, love him, would never be without him. But for the first year of his life he was HARD work, biting, eating things he shouldn’t, destroying furniture or toys if not watched 24/7, pulling on the lead, not sleeping all night, recall training which is an endless job, barking/whining at absolutely nothing, unable to be left alone etc. The training that goes into raising a well rounded dog is massive, it takes more time, patience and effort than you ever imagine and more patience and effort, if he already can’t be arsed after 1 week then send the dog back so it can be placed in a home where it will get exactly what it needs.

Justforthisoneithink · 04/05/2025 11:24

Throckmorton · 04/05/2025 11:19

What is he bringing to this family, other than stress? Doesn't sound like a great person for a kid to grow up around

This

PashaMinaMio · 04/05/2025 11:26

If you can return the puppy to the breeder, frankly, I think if would be for the best. It’s unfair to expect a child or pup to thrive in such a toxic controlled environment. Furthermore, is there any possibility he could be violent towards the puppy if for example it soils in the house or does something to displease him, as it matures. A dog can live for 13+ years so brace yourself.

As for his attitude towards your child, roll forward to the teen years, testosterone rising in your son! Brace yourself for that as dad and son clash.

Good luck OP. In your shoes I think I’d start a running away fund.

InALonelyWorld · 04/05/2025 11:27

Wow, I'm more concerned about the fact you've stayed with a man who won't even let his own child enjoy his own home and play.

He showed you who he was before you got the puppy, so I'm not sure why you expected any different this time round.

Why are you staying with this awful person and letting your child be treated like this?

Blackdow · 04/05/2025 11:30

You picked the wrong man. Sometimes it isn’t obvious until after you’ve had a kid and they finally show what they’re really like, but now you know what he is like so you know you’ve picked the wrong man. Imagine what he will be like when you have a teenager doing all the normal teenage defiance.

You can live with your mistake or you can leave, but you will not be able to change him so those are choices. Live with it or leave.

Enrichetta · 04/05/2025 11:30

Seriously: you MUST return the puppy now, whilst it is young enough to be rehomed without too many issues.

but also consider whether staying with your husband is wise. Because he will NOT change. This is who he is and he will damage your child if you allow this borderline abusive behaviour to continue.

MounjaroMounjaro · 04/05/2025 11:34

Rehome the dog, then rehome yourself and your son. This man shouldn't live with anyone or any animal.

Original poster
Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:35

I do often think he's suited to just living alone.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 04/05/2025 11:37

I would make the tough decision to rehome the dog now, the breeder might take it back at this point because it’s young enough to find a new home for quite easily.
You also need to have a serious think about this relationship and whether you and DS would be happier without DH around

arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2025 11:41

Your question is the wrong one.

It should be ‘how do I go about divorcing a man who I’ve realised is nasty, controlling and horrible to live with. I don’t want my child to grow up walking on egg shells. What do I do? ‘

Bonbon21 · 04/05/2025 11:42

Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:35

I do often think he's suited to just living alone.

I would be testing out that theory.

Protect your child.
Re-home the puppy.

See a solicitor.

Redrosesposies · 04/05/2025 11:42

LoafofSellotape · 04/05/2025 11:20

I would re-home the dog now, it's not fair on anyone in the family least of all the dog. Can't see she's behaviour getting any better anytime soon, what a twat!

Edited

And re-home yourself and your child while you're at it

Loopytiles · 04/05/2025 11:43

YABU for getting a puppy when your H is such a shit dad and shit to you as well. Would seek to rehome the dog and plan to LTB.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/05/2025 11:44

Get rid of husband, keep dog and kid

perfect life ensues Cake