To be annoyed at DH unrealistic exprctations

[Outandabout43]

DH just seems to be unrealistic with his expectations. When DS now 4 was a baby he just expected him to sleep when he was supposed to fed when he was supposed to and generally just fit in with his previous life. He is still like it now woth DS and expects him to just sit quietly watching TV and to be fully obedient until he is ready to play with him.

He has said for a long time he wanted a dog, so we got a puppy and the same thing is happening again. Puppy is 11 weeks and has been with us a week. He expects him to just be potty trained and sleep in his crate within a couple of days, he expects him to never bark and to be able to be left alone in a room whilst we all potter around the home. I've told him this is unrealistic and can take months.

He is now walking around slamming things and swearing, saying he wants to get rid of the dog. He's so argumentative at the moment and nothing anyone does is right. Apparently every time the dog doesn't do something he wants its somehow my fault.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this. How do I get it through to him it just needs patience (which appears to be something he lacks)

Please return the puppy, it's no life for a dog trying to learn around someone who is angry and slamming doors.
What does your DH contribute to family life? How does he handle when things go wrong, or illness. Based on the snapshot you've given of him here I can't see the value of staying with him?

YABU to have bought a dog into a household where one of the adults clearly lacks the ability, time and patience to put much effort into anything.

Take the poor dog back to the breeder, please. 11 weeks is about 'peak' good boy (as my sister would call it). The next 12 months are going to be grim and it's unfair to put a dog through that when there are good homes out there where he won't be yelled at. As with children, dogs should never grow up in aggressive environments - but, I doubt you'll leave your DH and save your kid from this, so at least ensure the dog doesn't suffer.

Your H is a prick- he is a nasty, controlling prick who you need to leave to safeguard your child. You have much bigger issues than the dog (please rehome the dog now) - see a solicitor asap and leave before this escalates.

Yes he does. Maybe you can suggest it to him. Apart from money what on earth is he bringing to the table?

This - and the first sentence is almost universally applicable to relationships posts.

You're unrealistic to think he's going to change.

You married a rigid and controlling and cruel man who slams things and curses when young children and a little puppy act according to their nature. He demands compliance.

Your son is not allowed to enjoy his home or his life. Your husband will stomp every bit of enjoyment and childishness out of him. Do you want a grey life for your son of sitting meekly and compliantly on a sofa? No fun ever?

Re-home the pup. Dump the cruel man.

We've got two puppies who are now 19 weeks old. It is full-on! My husband is retired, and I am semi-retired, and we are finding it so busy. However, we had realistic expectations and borrowed my step-daughter's dog regularly for 2 years before finally getting our own dogs. I don't think bringing a dog into this situation was a good idea, and I agree with PPs that he/she needs to be returned to the breeder, for his sake as well as yours.

Re-home the husband and keep the dog.

I will take the dog if you decide to keep the husband.

And a life time of therapy for the poor lad.

Your dh is emotionally abusive. I wouldn’t let my children grow up with a man like that.o

I’d be a lot more than ‘annoyed’. I’d be divorcing.

Getting a puppy was a bad idea. I'd rehome the husband.

Stick with it @Outandabout43

its not forever and DS needs to be able to play so that ddog can get used to it.

you can do this . The young kid years are hard, the puppy months are even harder I think 😆

Don’t get rid of the dog, get rid of the man.

He was unreasonable to think a baby dog would be much different from a baby human.

You were unreasonable to think he would be different with a baby dog than with a baby human!

It sounds like the best thing for everyone probably is to re-home the puppy. If you purchased from a reputable breeder, they should take them back.

Yes, there are bigger issues, but it sounds like you don’t need to overly complicate your life right now.

Mm, rehome the dog, ideally, return to breeder.

My main job is advising people on puppy training and development. It is going to be a year to 18 months before your dog can reliably do all your 'D'H expects.

And it won't happen unless both the adults in the house are putting in the time and effort in training, habituating, socialising etc.

Since I am not at work, I'd also strongly recommend you rehome the husband far far away (not allowed to say that at work but frequently want to!).

Return the dog to the breeder if you can , and write off your financial losses.

Seriously reconsider whether you want to spend the rest of your life being ordered around by a stupid, stroppy man with the attention span of a gnat.

Another vote for taking the puppy back - you can be honest with the breeder and say your DH has unrealistic expectations and you don't think the puppy would have a good upbringing. As much as my heart says keep the dog and lose the man, divorce takes time and the puppy will find another home easily at this stage which will be better than trying to raise a puppy while separating.

Whatever you decide to do, please don't let this man control you and your DS, like banning you from rooms and banning DS from playing. You both deserve better than this.

How do I get it through to him it just needs patience (which appears to be something he lacks

I think you should focus on getting through to yourself, you need a seriously strong word with yourself, Is this how you want your little boys childhood to be?

Send the dog back to the breeder, yabvu to have gotten the dog knowing how he treated your baby

Your future;

Pup will grow up nervous and anxious feeling unloved and will be much harder to train, resulting in behavioural issues. And your husband will take his temper out on it in worse ways as it gets older.

Son will reach 14/15 years old, realise he's now stronger than dad and they'll have a scrap. He'll then move out, taking a bunch of mental health issues with him and quite likely copy his dad's behaviour and in a couple of decades' time some woman will be posting on whatever is the 2045 version of mumsnst asking whether she should leave him.

Or you could realise your worth, protect your child, and leave. Take pup with you if you can cope with both a pup and child or send it back to the breeder and quickly.

HTH.

My OH has 3 dds, when we got ddog, it almost broke me. HE almost broke me.

I said to him that if I was his former wife I would NEVER have had more than one kid with him after seeing what he must have been like with a baby.

told him to chill out and grow up.

@Outandabout43 suggest you do the same.

I am sorry op but I think the only sensible option is for you to re-home him. It's not always easy though to re-home grumpy old gobshites so good luck with that.

Re home the husband. Nobody needs an angry selfish wanker in their home.

What a thicko.

I agree that this is just how he is. He has a very low threshold for annoyance and inconvenience. Some people are just more irritable than others, and if the way he handles his frustration is by making your life miserable, I wouldn't expect that to change.

The choice is yours. Try to change him for the better (probably impossible and certainly an on-going lifelong 'job'). Ignore him when he's in his moods and live life as usual (not easily done). Accept that this is how he is and spend you life avoiding situations that will trigger him (difficult when he lacks self-awareness to help himself by not insisting on things like getting a puppy) Leave him (but with a shared child, he'll always be in your life).