To be annoyed at DH unrealistic exprctations

[Outandabout43]

DH just seems to be unrealistic with his expectations. When DS now 4 was a baby he just expected him to sleep when he was supposed to fed when he was supposed to and generally just fit in with his previous life. He is still like it now woth DS and expects him to just sit quietly watching TV and to be fully obedient until he is ready to play with him.

He has said for a long time he wanted a dog, so we got a puppy and the same thing is happening again. Puppy is 11 weeks and has been with us a week. He expects him to just be potty trained and sleep in his crate within a couple of days, he expects him to never bark and to be able to be left alone in a room whilst we all potter around the home. I've told him this is unrealistic and can take months.

He is now walking around slamming things and swearing, saying he wants to get rid of the dog. He's so argumentative at the moment and nothing anyone does is right. Apparently every time the dog doesn't do something he wants its somehow my fault.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this. How do I get it through to him it just needs patience (which appears to be something he lacks)

Keep the dog, get rid of the husband!

I would ditch the husband and keep the puppy.

This is a really good point. If you able to realise at the root of all your problems is this horrible angry man, and can press the divorce button asap, then you can keep the dog.

Only keep the dog if you wanted a dog, the breeder will be able to find another home for the dog so don't feel obliged to keep hold, this is not your responsibility it's his and he isn't able to deal with his responsibilities.

Well replace crate with shed and shove dh in that.

You're "not allowed"?

That's all I needed to read really.

You're not a child.

He sounds like a bully to all three of you and a vile, unpleasant man.

Take your child and the puppy and leave. You all deserve to thrive in a free and happy home

Your poor child. They can't be returned, unlike the helpless puppy your neanderthal of a husband wanted.

Give the puppy back to the breeder before it is traumatised and then look at divorcing the immature loser.

You need to stand up for yourself and your son, right now.

Your dh is thick and nasty.
I’d be dumping him and keeping the dog.

The phrase 'not allowed' rings alarm bells. You don't need your DH's permission to go into the kitchen or let your son play.

The poor dog should be rehomed and you should think carefully about whether you can live with this horrible man for the rest of your life.

Great advice from everyone saying to return the pup whilst it’s still in that age range of 0-3mths when they’re at their most marketable. Good breeders will take them back. I think there’s greater priorities in your home than breaking in a puppy right now especially when one of you no longer wants it.

You’re living with a right little Hitler aren’t you.
Talk about me me me!
How can you stand to be around him.
Do you really want your ds to grow up with such a poor example of a man.
Kick him out and live a happy life with your ds and the puppy.

My ex husband was like this. Hence the ex.

He sounds as if he'd be better off being on his own. You'll not have an easy life with him. Your son deserves better, as do you.

Where is the pup from and could they take him back? It's a real shame, but he'll have an awful life with someone who doesn't care for him and can't handle dog-life.

Call his bluff and say you should rid of the poor dog

Just breath turn around & shout at him to fuck off. Then call both sides of the family & ask for help cause he sounds like a nightmare to put up with

Honestly, OP - your H is destroying your son’s childhood with his lazy, mean selfishness and the puppy was always a daft idea given his attitude. You seem to be letting your H dominate with his horrible, unrealistic rules which suggests you’re scared of him. This is all so unhealthy. Are you willing to consider divorce?

Give the puppy back to the breeder, poor thing

Why would you be with someone who treats your child and now a puppy so badly?
I feel sorry for your dc growing up around such a toxic parent

Why are you with him op? He sounds like a child. A tantrum when things don’t go his way. Expecting a small child to conform to his rules. I suspect t your life may be simpler without him in it. I would keep the dog over him tbh.

Rehome the husband.
6 yrs ago we got a puppy, She has had puppy classes, 1-1s, group sessions, and weekly enrichment classes.

When the kids were little they all had extracurriculars.

Kids and dogs need bringing up, they don't come 'world ready'
If you DH expected fully trained kids or dogs he's an idiot.

I think I'd start planning for that. Getting my ducks in a row (finances, accommodation, paperwork, pensions, divorce).

He's making you miserable. And it's a bad environment for a child to grow up in.

Do you love this man more than yourself or your DC?

He is not going to change, his behaviour is abusive. Think on...

To all those saying “keep the puppy and dump the husband “…

Whilst I agree with the sentiment, I am strongly in favour of dumping the husband now and getting another dog/puppy later - IF @Outandabout43 actually wants a dog.

training a puppy requires time, commitment and expertise, and lots of leisure to walk it. Her time and stamina would be better spent focusing on getting divorced, which is an all-consuming endeavour in itself.

which is why I would recommend rehoming this puppy or returning it to the breeder.

He will not change and he is completely selfish and unreasonable.

This man never should have a child. He was once a child himself, doesn't he remember what they're like?

I agree that you must give that poor puppy the chance of a better family. Do it much sooner than later, as it will stand a better chance of being adopted when it is so young. Imagine this could break DS's heart, so have a plan. Maybe a quiet little fish won't the DH so much.

After that, figure out how to leave DH unless you can stay living this way, which is no way to live.

I'd rehome the husband.

I am going to add that you are describing a man who doesn't want any inconvenience or responsibilities.

A puppy is both. (As are children, obv.)

Sounds like he wants to live like a bachelor, honestly.