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Original poster

Executor asking for money back

163 replies

naffusername · 04/05/2025 03:27

So, MIL died in August of 22. Number three son was named Executor. There are four sons in total.

Will stated family home was to be sold and proceeds divided equally among her surviving sons. Two sons had moved back home 20 years ago and never left.

House was sold in 23 after going through Probate.. Funds were released in December of 23.

No notice, we just found a large chunk of cash in our chequing account. We contacted the lawyer for a statement of account and were given the bare details. Our bank was happy with us and told us that the money was tax free (inheritance law here) and if the funds were released it was ours and nobody should be asking for anything after the fact.

Fast forward to April of 25. The Executor has been in touch and wants $10K to settle "our share of the taxes owing on the Estate". He claims that he released the funds early because he and brother number 4 needed to buy places to live! Husband pointed out that he had received his Executor's fees and then he turned around and said he'd never wanted the job!

Husband wants to give it to his brother as he doesn't want there to be "any bad blood in the family". I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency. Our oldest son basically said his Father is a fool to even consider giving back the money as the funds being released signal the estate is settled.

There are no family ties to break. This was the first we'd heard from any of the brothers since November 23. They never were a close family and had no time for us when we visited and I doubt they would recognize our children. My sons did visit their Grandmother but were aware that there was some memory issues and that the son name as Executor didn't seem to want them there.

So do we pay 10K or write of a relationship that doesn't exist?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 04/05/2025 03:33

It's your husband's brother so he needs to decide. Stay out of his family relationship, it's for him to decide if he pays the money and what risk there might be.

BruFord · 04/05/2025 03:35

He needs to share the paperwork with your DH showing that taxes really were liable on estate and that he's paid them out of his share or that they're now due.
If the estate really did/does have to pay 40K in taxes, then each son should contribute 10K towards them.

No paperwork, no contribution from your DH.

urbanbuddha · 04/05/2025 03:35

I agree, it's your husband's decision.

FrodoBiggins · 04/05/2025 03:40

I also agree stay out of it.

But ... I can't stay out of anyone's business. If it were me I'd tell husband to contact executor and say "oh no! I have been given different tax advice to you and now I'm worried I have misdeclared the income (or something). I just told my accountant/ the revenue that this might be an issue. Please send me the advice you got about the tax due on the estate so I can tell my accountant and get it sorted. What there's nothing in writing? Oh don't worry just give me the tax advisors details so I can get it all straightened up. Thanks!"

Ideally (sort of), BIL is lying and then doubles back and says oh no i just double checked my mistake.
Alternatively, there is tax due in which case you want to know, and to know how much is your share.

BruFord · 04/05/2025 03:40

If there's no inheritance tax where you are, could it be capital gains tax? Again, his brother will have all the relevant paperwork.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/05/2025 03:45

Whilst I agree, it is your husbands business to deal with... I would be leaning on him heavily to only offer a penny if he sees actual proof (verifiable with some non-biased external person, not some dodgy screenshot or home made print out!) of this tax owed.

Hopefully, simply asking for that will put the dodgy brother off!

Ultimately it was the executors job to ensure the will was sorted properly, including any taxes paid - producing the correct paperwork should be a piece of piss for him so if theres any reluctance on his part it's pretty clear he's up to no good!

MermaidMummy06 · 04/05/2025 03:49

No money unless proof of the entire debt, showing your & others portion of it. I'd also pay any debt directly to the tax office. Not a family member you can't be sure isn't scamming you or could fail to pay it.

I'd never just say 'it's up to my husband ' as he'd immediately hand it over the entire inheritance to avoid conflict. SIL would demand it because she knows it.

RawBloomers · 04/05/2025 03:57

I would be really annoyed but unless it would put me in debt, I would give the money back to my brother if he had made a mistake. Even if he is a bit of a git, as this one seems to have been.

NattyTurtle59 · 04/05/2025 04:03

I agree with pps, I would be asking to see proof of this debt before paying a penny. It would be very foolish just to hand it over without checking.

MissedItByThisMuch · 04/05/2025 04:22

Yes, at the very least you need to see official paperwork specifying the debt. Presumably there was a solicitor involved during the probate process - I’d be consulting them I think.

HoppingPavlova · 04/05/2025 04:44

Nope. Fuck that. If he mismanaged his job as executor, then that’s his problem. If he was living in the house, guessing he wasn’t paying rent etc, so I’d just call it even personally, and if he doesn’t agree, tough. Doesn’t sound like a family relationship that’s going anywhere anyway, you’ll probably never hear from him again either way.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/05/2025 04:44

Ahh yes @MermaidMummy06 has the best idea here - prove the debt and he'll pay his share directly to the tax office!

That'll sort out any dodgy claims swiftly!

Anneta · 04/05/2025 04:48

It sounds very odd to me as I understood that probate would not be granted until any tax due on the estate had been paid. Also it is suspicious that the share of tax owed is EXACTLY £10k!
If your husband does owe tax on his share, he needs to verify this with the tax / probate office directly.

KickAssAngel · 04/05/2025 04:50

How did they get private before paying tax? Surely you pay tax first, then private is granted, then funds are distributed.

KickAssAngel · 04/05/2025 04:50

Ugh.probate, not private, sorry.

Kittyfluff · 04/05/2025 05:00

DH's brother came to our door demanding his share of their mum's funeral costs.

She died broke and the council or the DWP (can't remember which as it was many years ago) paid the bill. A very basic service. The chancer. Probably was after cash to prop up his after work weed habit.

I put the brakes on that or my DH would have given it to him.

Be careful. Warn your DH that you can't always trust family when thousands of pounds are involved. It's unfortunate and cynical but all too often true.

Imagine he just hands it over and the money disappears. You have no proof now and you'll have no proof the brother has had it, so he could come back for another chunk later on.

You can't force your DH's hand but you can point out he needs to be sensible in order to protect your little family.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 04/05/2025 05:07

Get the paperwork. If he doesn’t come forward with it, no money. He didn’t tell you the money was landing into your accounts, so I doubt he’s going to share the paperwork.

PrincessFairyWren · 04/05/2025 05:44

I'm going against the grain.

Executer made a mistake that ended up in your husband and the other beneficiaries favour. Being an executer is a very difficult job, he was under pressure from his other brother and grieving. That doesn't make it OK but it also puts it into context of the difficult position he was having.

I'm assuming the tax bill is for the tax return that was lodged on behalf of the deceased for the year that they died in.

I would ask for the documentation, read it to verify the error and give the money back.

If your employer accidentally over pays you, you are obligated to return the money. If the bank accidentally puts money in your account you are obliged to pay. I think that you just are trying to be a cow to the brother because you don't like him. Plus it is your husband's decision and you are disagreeing with him which isn't fair.

UsernameChange1675 · 04/05/2025 05:58

Or just contact the tax office and pay them directly

helpwillalwayscometothosethatneedit · 04/05/2025 06:10

Ask for the proof it is owed and pay up. No proof don’t pay.

My DC would not be calling his DF a fool for trying to do the right thing. You’ve raised your DS with your morals. Your DH is not a fool for trying to clarify the situation and pay the money if it is due.

MinnieMountain · 04/05/2025 06:14

What country are you in?

In England, the house can’t be sold without the grant of probate. The grant isn’t issued until you’ve got a reference number from HMRC confirming that you have paid whatever IHT is due (property solicitor and I did my mum’s probate application in 2021).

Zanatdy · 04/05/2025 06:15

Agree on asking for proof, but if true, then yes i’d be paying it. Being an executor is not easy and I don’t think it’s fair that the executor has to pay the tax in the entirety. Relationship or not, it’s not what his mother would want. But he would be a fool to pay without paperwork.

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/05/2025 06:16

Without full documentation outlining all the details of the probate and subsequent distribution of funds, fees and expenses incurred, then no.

arcticpandas · 04/05/2025 06:17

With proof being shown, yes you should give him the money. Without it no way.

Galliano · 04/05/2025 06:19

You should post this in the legal section for better advice. However if someone with personal accountability had made a mistake in distributing an estate I’d certainly return anything overpaid to me if I had sight of the accounts to prove it.

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