Executor asking for money back

[naffusername]

So, MIL died in August of 22. Number three son was named Executor. There are four sons in total.

Will stated family home was to be sold and proceeds divided equally among her surviving sons. Two sons had moved back home 20 years ago and never left.

House was sold in 23 after going through Probate.. Funds were released in December of 23.

No notice, we just found a large chunk of cash in our chequing account. We contacted the lawyer for a statement of account and were given the bare details. Our bank was happy with us and told us that the money was tax free (inheritance law here) and if the funds were released it was ours and nobody should be asking for anything after the fact.

Fast forward to April of 25. The Executor has been in touch and wants $10K to settle "our share of the taxes owing on the Estate". He claims that he released the funds early because he and brother number 4 needed to buy places to live! Husband pointed out that he had received his Executor's fees and then he turned around and said he'd never wanted the job!

Husband wants to give it to his brother as he doesn't want there to be "any bad blood in the family". I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency. Our oldest son basically said his Father is a fool to even consider giving back the money as the funds being released signal the estate is settled.

There are no family ties to break. This was the first we'd heard from any of the brothers since November 23. They never were a close family and had no time for us when we visited and I doubt they would recognize our children. My sons did visit their Grandmother but were aware that there was some memory issues and that the son name as Executor didn't seem to want them there.

So do we pay 10K or write of a relationship that doesn't exist?

@Tiswa Since when is the bank a tax adviser?

Regarding “we”. Most married couples would talk about this difficulty! It’s not assuming the money belongs to the op. It’s assuming it’s a discussion between a married couple.

Any IHT should have been paid before the monies released to beneficiaries. Has your DH deen the accounts from the probate paperwork BIL submitted? If it's an honest mistake then think your DH has to decide whether he wants the money or the relationship with his brother. And tbh asking for it back may have already soured the future relationship.

Executer of a will is a shit job, after seeing the hassle my sister went through recently I swore I will never do it. I actually had to give some money back after there was a miscommunication over the proceeds of my mum's will, it was a small amount as she didnt leave a lot, and i did it without complaint. Personally if it can be shown that your dh was over paid in error I would be willing to pay it back, but ultimately it's up to him. I also think your oldest son should keep his beak out.

Exactly!
it’s for the dh as beneficiary to liaise with the executor, but there is also a we discussion between spouses as the situation affects their joint financial situation.

If you read my post, I did say once the tax had been confirmed. I still stand by what I said.

If it's a genuine error (and it's totally reasonable to ask for proof) I can't believe the number of people who'd leave it to the executor sibling to pay.

My DB and DSis were executors of my DF's will. My other DB and I were equal beneficiaries with none of the work or responsibility. I am so grateful to them for having done it and would not dream of financially shafting them if an error had been made or a late tax bill materialised.

Isn’t that the point though that the OP is reliant on the bank telling her something as why there isn’t tax to pay?

Why wouldn’t you pay this back. I get verifying it but expecting a windfall because your brother made a mistake is morally reprehensible.

the op is not in the uk, but why would the bank be offering advice on whether or not there it tax to pay?

I'd want a spreadsheet of the entire estate and any valuables and furniture etc they may well leave it. Although if he shows this then you need to be prepared to hand it over.

in England the executor may be personally liable if they distributed the estate before all debts have been settled.
https://www.gov.uk/probate-estate/distribute-the-estate
It seems that some people who take on the executor role don’t really understand what they are doing or the personal liability that goes with the role.

I edited my original post within a minute to acknowledge the OP isn't in the UK!

Oops! Didn’t notice that. Apologies!

Proof of taxes due or no money. Simple case of proof or it didn’t happen.

I understand the argument that it's for her husband to decide, but ALSO, once the money has been received, which it has, as a married couple the money is now theirs, so it actually does have a lot to do with the OP as well. Before probate is settled, it's all done between the brothers, but once the money has been distributed, it becomes the business of all those whose money it now is.
And I'd want to know exactly why the money is owed before deciding whether to hand any back.

All outstanding bills, credit cards, utility bills taxes etc should have been paid off by the executor before the rest was paid out to anyone else listed in the will. I know this because l have just done it myself. I would seriously ask to see proof of the bill , something very odd going on....

Annoying as it may be, as long as proof is shown I would be paying it back. It’s family whether you see each other or not. You are being unreasonable here.

Well, it was lovely to wake up this morning and be told I'm a greedy bitch.

A few points for the experts here.

I reside in a commonwealth country so our legal system is pretty similar to the UKs.

We live over 1500 miles from where we grew up and that is why my husband (the oldest child) wasn't named Executor. Under our system, the Executor is entitled to upto 7% of the Estate as payment for his services (roughly $175K in this case). When the Estate went into probate the law firm asked for banking details.

The person at our bank isn't a teller but a Certified Financial Analyst (we have been lucky through hardwork to have qualified for this service due to a rental/investment property I purchased).

This was the first time the Executor has spoken to us since Oct of 23. No how are you's just you owe me $10K for taxes.

My husband's people are strange. The three brothers who live close to each other don't even communicate now. There was some sort of falling out between the two singles and the married one that nobody has been willing to discuss. The two singles lived with their Mum until she died (they were both in their 60s). My husband paid for his Mum's social care and a companion to be her driver as his brothers were too busy to deal with it. He visited his Mum three times a year and knew there was something off. The married brother and his wife never visited the house which was strange because when we first married she was the one taking the elders to their appointments, stopping by for coffee, etc.

But hey, it's lovely to know that most posters here would just hand over $10K on the basis of a phone call.

I've said for years that I will never be the Executor of my Mum's will, I'll sign that privilige over to an Estate lawyer to deal with and be happy to pay his fee.

Id want to see the tax bill

I've been an executor, and not one gives you any training or tells you what to do. You've literally got to work it out yourself. I can imagine it's very easy to make a mistake and get it wrong as it's generally a 'once in a lifetime' task. You don't get paid for the time it takes. I took an entire week off work just to read up on what I needed to do.

So yes, verify the request. But if you owe it, do the decent thing and pay it back.

The executor should have records of all monies paid, including taxes. I would ask for copies of those.

@Notsuchafattynow I just paid a solicitor. They explain everything. It’s not meant to be a replacement job and the estate pays. Money well spent. At least the executor keeps to the rules and doesn’t make “mistakes” or is on the make!

@naffusername
I think most posters were of the opinion that evidence should be provided re this £10k. You have my sympathies as this is a very upsetting situation.
as you say the legal system is similar then accounts would have been prepared by the executor and these should be provided together with any documentation re the money now owed.

Most of the posts in response to yours have been supportive. Ask for paperwork, but if it’s properly owed then it must be paid. If not owed, or no paperwork, then don’t. It’s not a really complicated question tbh. I have some sympathy for the executor but you can always pay a firm to do that job for you so if he took it on, hd should look at it as payment for all that time in thd house.

I think whether you take it on yourself or ask a solicitor depends on the complexity of the estate. I was sole executrix for my mother’s estate which was quite straightforward, if fiddly and time consuming, and I found gov.uk explained everything.