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AIBU?

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Original poster

Executor asking for money back

163 replies

naffusername · 04/05/2025 03:27

So, MIL died in August of 22. Number three son was named Executor. There are four sons in total.

Will stated family home was to be sold and proceeds divided equally among her surviving sons. Two sons had moved back home 20 years ago and never left.

House was sold in 23 after going through Probate.. Funds were released in December of 23.

No notice, we just found a large chunk of cash in our chequing account. We contacted the lawyer for a statement of account and were given the bare details. Our bank was happy with us and told us that the money was tax free (inheritance law here) and if the funds were released it was ours and nobody should be asking for anything after the fact.

Fast forward to April of 25. The Executor has been in touch and wants $10K to settle "our share of the taxes owing on the Estate". He claims that he released the funds early because he and brother number 4 needed to buy places to live! Husband pointed out that he had received his Executor's fees and then he turned around and said he'd never wanted the job!

Husband wants to give it to his brother as he doesn't want there to be "any bad blood in the family". I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency. Our oldest son basically said his Father is a fool to even consider giving back the money as the funds being released signal the estate is settled.

There are no family ties to break. This was the first we'd heard from any of the brothers since November 23. They never were a close family and had no time for us when we visited and I doubt they would recognize our children. My sons did visit their Grandmother but were aware that there was some memory issues and that the son name as Executor didn't seem to want them there.

So do we pay 10K or write of a relationship that doesn't exist?

OP posts:
Nominative · 04/05/2025 07:33

I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency.

I suspect that they were telling you that you personally did not have to pay any tax on the money you received, not that the estate didn't have to pay tax: they presumably assumed that had been paid already. However, as PP have said, it seems very odd that they would have got probate if they didn't pay tax, so you need to ask for full estate accounts and a copy of the tax records.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/05/2025 07:37

sesquipedalian · 04/05/2025 07:28

According to the Gov.uk website, “You usually need to make a payment towards any Inheritance Tax due before you can get a ‘grant of representation’ (also known as ‘probate’)” - in other words, they won’t release the money until the tax has been paid. The bank has told,you that the money is yours - I’d be asking some very searching questions if your DBIL, and as others have suggested, would demand to see a bill from the Inland Revenue for any sum owing. IF a mistake has been made, by all means rectify it - but I’d want to know how and why.

OP is not in the UK.

Arlanymor · 04/05/2025 07:41

What your bank told you is irrelevant, it is nothing to do with executing an estate. You've not disclosed where you live, so no one here can advise you regarding tax. It's your husband's inheritance, so his choice how to handle it... but if I were you I would make the point to him that asking for evidence of what tax matters need to be settled will help him to make an informed decision.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 04/05/2025 07:45

As executor you should provide a statement detailing how you have distributed the estate. Being executor is a little complicated and it’s possible he has messed up in which case I would help him rectify that if you can. But he should be happy to show you the details

Bubblesaremyonlyfruit · 04/05/2025 07:46

Evidence. Confirmation either way.

winter8090 · 04/05/2025 07:48

If the estate owes taxes they need to be paid from the estate.
How much did you inherit?
The executor should have paid the taxes before distributing funds. But I’m assuming executory work is new to him and he’s made a genuine error.
I find it strange the brother got a fee for being executor? How much was that?
I would pay the fees.
Where the bank has told you that YOU do not need to pay taxes, this doesn’t mean that no tax was due to be paid from the estate.

winter8090 · 04/05/2025 07:49

And yes as others have said you need to see a detailed breakdown of the estate.

NamelessNancy · 04/05/2025 07:59

PrincessFairyWren · 04/05/2025 05:44

I'm going against the grain.

Executer made a mistake that ended up in your husband and the other beneficiaries favour. Being an executer is a very difficult job, he was under pressure from his other brother and grieving. That doesn't make it OK but it also puts it into context of the difficult position he was having.

I'm assuming the tax bill is for the tax return that was lodged on behalf of the deceased for the year that they died in.

I would ask for the documentation, read it to verify the error and give the money back.

If your employer accidentally over pays you, you are obligated to return the money. If the bank accidentally puts money in your account you are obliged to pay. I think that you just are trying to be a cow to the brother because you don't like him. Plus it is your husband's decision and you are disagreeing with him which isn't fair.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. Being an executor is a difficult, time consuming and stressful job.

I would want to see some accounts/proof of the bill but wouldn't want to saddle the sibling who'd done all the hard work with paying my share if genuine.

user1471538283 · 04/05/2025 08:06

I'd want to see proof of this. And if your DH needs to pay 10k so then do the other brothers so 40k?

I'd also want to find out how it works in your country. When I was an executor in the UK we paid tax and everything else before distribution via a solicitor. Did your BIL engage a solicitor?

Supergirl1958 · 04/05/2025 08:11

If I were your husband I would ask for official paperwork that states all parties are culpable to pay tax on the estate. As I don’t really know much about this I’m not sure where it would come from? Perhaps a solicitor?

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 08:18

all debts should be settled before distribution, but tax, other than IHT May be due on the estate. I was the executrix of my mother’s estate and had to complete her self assessment for the tax year she died and pay income tax owed. Additionally any interest which is earned by the estate during the administration period ie from date of death until probate granted is also taxable - (think there is an allowance of £1k) and should be paid before distribution of the estate.
i appreciate OP is not in the UK, but imagine the system for dealing with estates is similar and as a beneficiary I would ask for statement of estate accounts and evidence of debt due as a first step.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 08:24

sesquipedalian · 04/05/2025 07:28

According to the Gov.uk website, “You usually need to make a payment towards any Inheritance Tax due before you can get a ‘grant of representation’ (also known as ‘probate’)” - in other words, they won’t release the money until the tax has been paid. The bank has told,you that the money is yours - I’d be asking some very searching questions if your DBIL, and as others have suggested, would demand to see a bill from the Inland Revenue for any sum owing. IF a mistake has been made, by all means rectify it - but I’d want to know how and why.

I think it's pretty clear from what she's posted that the OP isn't in the UK

Without knowing where she is and what the rules are no one say whether the executor has cocked up or theres a genuine reason for thos happening

The posters querying that 10k is a suspiciously round sum, I'm sure thats an indication of the amount, who would type $9874.46? 😀

SlagPit · 04/05/2025 08:24

Dopeyandgrumpy · 04/05/2025 07:25

I acted as executor and it’s very difficult job and generally those undertaking the work are usually grieving while they are sorting out the estate.

The brother doing this saves a lot of money on solicitor fees and I think you are being very unreasonable if don’t repay any tax money that is owed. I’d expect to see the documentation from HMRC though.

For those who say all tax is paid before probate is granted you can still owe tax if the deceased owed income tax as you can pay this after probate

All this. It's hard, it's a lot of responsibility, you're doing it whilst grieving. Mistakes happen.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 04/05/2025 08:27

If my sister was asking me for 10k I would pay it. If .y brother was asking he'd have to show me the paperwork and prove it.

snowmichael · 04/05/2025 08:38

You are being lied to by son 3
Do you really care about keeping in good graces with a liar?
Does your husband?

ThatsNotMyTeen · 04/05/2025 08:40

I don’t think any of us can advise about what you should do without knowing the legal position where you are. In the U.K. the executor should pay the IHT before distributing funds. What if the beneficiaries had spent it all? The executor would need to just pay it. But it may be different where you are. I’d certainly be paying nothing without full accounts having been shown to me

Communitywebbing · 04/05/2025 08:43

He needs evidence that the tax needs paying and everything else is in order. Then each brother should pay it, if it’s only due to an oversight that he was underpaid.

MellowCritic · 04/05/2025 08:48

BruFord · 04/05/2025 03:35

He needs to share the paperwork with your DH showing that taxes really were liable on estate and that he's paid them out of his share or that they're now due.
If the estate really did/does have to pay 40K in taxes, then each son should contribute 10K towards them.

No paperwork, no contribution from your DH.

Exactly. You see the paperwork , you speak to the professionals (last time I checked the bank wasn't the person to tell you your liability without knowing the full facts and even you didn't see much paperwork ) and find out what the legal requirements are and so on. If there was a genuine mistake then you're only paying what you would have paid anyway.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/05/2025 08:51

There are no "executor's fees" unless it's a solicitor dealing with the estate - I was executor of my father's will and the rules are very, very clear that such executor's cannot take a "fee".

It sounds as if BiL didn't properly understand what he was doing.

Edited: I see the OP is not in the UK and so rules on ''executor fees may be different.

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 08:53

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/05/2025 08:51

There are no "executor's fees" unless it's a solicitor dealing with the estate - I was executor of my father's will and the rules are very, very clear that such executor's cannot take a "fee".

It sounds as if BiL didn't properly understand what he was doing.

Edited: I see the OP is not in the UK and so rules on ''executor fees may be different.

Edited

OP is not in the UK. There may be fees in other jurisdictions

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 04/05/2025 08:58

PrincessFairyWren · 04/05/2025 05:44

I'm going against the grain.

Executer made a mistake that ended up in your husband and the other beneficiaries favour. Being an executer is a very difficult job, he was under pressure from his other brother and grieving. That doesn't make it OK but it also puts it into context of the difficult position he was having.

I'm assuming the tax bill is for the tax return that was lodged on behalf of the deceased for the year that they died in.

I would ask for the documentation, read it to verify the error and give the money back.

If your employer accidentally over pays you, you are obligated to return the money. If the bank accidentally puts money in your account you are obliged to pay. I think that you just are trying to be a cow to the brother because you don't like him. Plus it is your husband's decision and you are disagreeing with him which isn't fair.

As far as l’m aware probate isn’t finalised until any tax deemed due on the estate has been paid, so how was the executor able to release the funds to those inheriting before probate was granted ?

Your assumption that the OP dislikes the brother and is ‘just being a cow’ by disagreeing with her DH is not only rude but utter nonsense. You don’t just rock up at someone’s door three years after the estate has been settled and claim that you’re owed ten grand in unpaid taxes with no proof. OP is one half of the relationship and therefore equally affected by the consequences of her DH just handing over the money to his brother with no proof that it’s owed, or that he even intends to pay the alleged taxes. It is absolutely not the same thing as an employer or a bank accidentally overpaying you because in those cases there will be a paper trail of evidence that you have received funds in error.

The correct thing to do is for DH to try to clarify the circumstances in which the taxes weren’t paid, and ask for the paperwork from the tax office demanding the payment. Then using the references on said paperwork (if it actually exists) contact the tax office himself to verify that the tax is due and if possible, pay his proportion of it directly to the tax office. OP is spot on in her suspicions. If this is genuine then the brother will have the paperwork to prove it and l wouldn’t be handing over a penny until l’d verified it.

Diarygirlqueen · 04/05/2025 09:00

An executor is very stressful so your bil has my sympathy.
Once the tax has been confirmed, I would definitely pay my share.

You sound greedy and your son sounds as if he takes after you. Stay out of it, it's your husbands decision and he sounds honest.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:11

snowmichael · 04/05/2025 08:38

You are being lied to by son 3
Do you really care about keeping in good graces with a liar?
Does your husband?

How can you be sure about that? I don't see enough from the OP to come to any certain conclusion, what have I missed?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 04/05/2025 09:13

GRex · 04/05/2025 07:01

You and your son need to stop looking at the money as yours when it was your husband's inheritance. Comments like complaining about being given money "with no notice" show that you are an utterly ridiculous person for anyone to try to work with. While it's very obvious that you've never liked his brothers, it's their mum who chose which one was to be executor, so you need to respect that choice.

As it is your DH's brother, let him decide for himself if he wants to see figures to validate the tax amount or just give it to his brother. It's really not worth a fall-out to him, he's already said that, so stop interfering.

Pack away your indignation for a minute and look at the facts. Where has the OP indicated that she’s looking at the money as hers ? If my DH was considering handing over ten grand of what is essentially joint marital funds if it’s gone into any kind of joint account, then l’d expect to be involved in the decision as an equal partner in the relationship. And there is no way l would be agreeing to a large sum of money being handed over to the brother with no proof that it’s owed or that he will even pay it.

Feelingleftoutagain · 04/05/2025 09:15

Ask for all the paperwork, if this happened 2 years ago it seems a bit odd, what was the total amount of her estate? We had a solicitor check ours so that we knew we were right

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