Sharing friends.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

OK, it's a DMIL one.

Made new friends with a couple and invited them over whilst MIL was visiting.

At some point when DH & I were out of the room, she gave them her phone number.

She didn't mention it until they'd left, which seemed odd and a bit sneaky.
Would be one thing if they got on like a house on fire, but ahe was basically mute and had to be prompted to join in the conversation.

We are in a new place, DMIL lives 6 hours away and new friends live on the next road from us.

DH & I can cope with MIL in short bursts as she can be overbearing.

Just when she was here, she was talking of friends who've ghosted her. There's always someone who's wronged her and she has no self awareness.

The AIBU:
Since she got back home, she sent us a parcel with a sealed and stamped card to be passed on to new friends as she doesn't have their address.

She said the letter is a thank you for visiting.
Except, they were our guests and we've already said thanks for coming.

Wwyd? This sounds petty, but I don't want to share friends with MIL and neither does DH as she'll take over and probably end up spoiling the friendship, even from many miles away.

Yet we're the ones living close to these people and see them about.

If she were to be friends with them, we'd step back as no good would come from it.

Would you pass the letter on or say not to worry, have already passed thanks for us all and bin?

Haven't opened it and don't intend to, but don't want to bin without mentioning it to her.

Has anyone shared friends with a MIL/ DM?

YABU - Pass it on.
YANBU - Don't facilitate it.

Thanks.

Fab uodate, you need to open the card now lol xx

Good update, OP. I also liked your line 'will keep it for you to pass on when you next see them.'

Ah, well done for that. You're better than me.

Let her fume.

You won’t regret setting boundaries. Keep it up or the requests will keep coming.

Thanks all, it's such a relief.
I posted on here just before 2am as I couldn't sleep thinking about it. Then was up at 6am.
Slept like a baby last night, just goes to show how seemingly little things can affect you if not addressed.

Will ask DH after work if he want us to open it. Part of me wants to just bin it, but another says to open is and see what she was up to.

She's a right piece of work! If you do open it you will have to get a new envelope though. She definitely sounds like my mother, I'm nc for a few years now. She used to send cards to everyone and sign off with, good folk are rare. She would buy these little cards with verses on them to send to anyone she latched on to. She could never keep friends, her true narcissistic self showed it's ugly self eventually and she was vile about everyone, even lovely people who were very kind to her.

"Good folk are rare", the cheek of it! More like CFs are not so rare.

Sorry you had to go through that.
MIL loves to collect friends then chuck them if of no use.

We'll just say we binned the letter, hopefully will make her think twice next time.

Possibly a covert narcissist. Unlike your classic narcissist who wants everyone to think they are important / powerful, coverts are often obsessed with people thinking they are saints and/or victims. Hence the passive-aggressive behaviour where they say nasty things in a subtle way that allows them, if challenged, to respond with “I never said that”, “ That’s not what I meant” and of course the classic “How could you accuse me of something so mean?” thus making it all about themselves and their feelings. They just love to play the victim and can’t acknowledge they are ever in the wrong. I mean, why bother going to the effort of actually BEING a nice person when you can devote all your time and energy into gaslighting people into thinking you are nice?! It’s utterly bizarre but once you identify somebody’s personality disorder and look at a list of the symptoms, all their weird behaviour suddenly falls into place!

Absolutely this.
Always be wary of anyone who never, ever admits they’re in the wrong or apologises.
We are all in the wrong from time to time. Most normal adults can put their hands up and apologise and acknowledge they have flaws.

Go on, you know you want to!

Hi all, had to check with DH first and he'd had a bad day yesterday, so left it.

Asked today and he suggested burning it! 😅.
I tore it up and chucked in the bin, only for me to fish it out and read it.

DMIL said it was lovely meeting them,
thanked them for visiting DH, myself and her.
Said how lucky they were to live where they do and how she'd love to see them when she visits 🤯.

Said, in the meantime, she's happy to chat on the phone.
She included her address and phone number.

Told DH what the letter said and he's just glad it's behind us.

Just unbelievable!

Does the D in DMIL stand for delusional or demented? 🤣

To be honest I was expecting much worse.
At least you can put it to bed now.

Both 😂.

True, could have been worse.
Sadly, that would be her testing the waters before unleashing her tentacles.

Never mention when you are seeing these potential new friends again. I was glad to read the denouement! She sounds a nightmare mother and mother in law. Be strong OP! Have you got children? Dread to think what she’d be like as a grannie 😱

I have a school mum 'friend' who does this. I can so see her doing this with her hapless son when he settles down.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere your MIL is controlling and lacks appropriate boundaries. Not sure you have sent the message already but I would say to her, MIL you seem to have misunderstood, these are our friends, we manage communications with them, your have form for being controlling and encroaching in inappropriate ways so we will not pass this on as we don't wish to scare away the neighbours with a MIL who acts like a stalker in the making, haha.

Thank you, never mentioning plans, only in past tense when they've happened.
A shame as she has no awareness at all.
Either that, or she is aware, but just doesn't care, which is even worse.

Oh no, your poor friend's son.

They seem to be everywhere!

Interestingly, I was with a couple of friends earlier, and one of the things we all had in common is narcissistic DM/DMILs.
Have replied and she tried to get back but shut that down too.
Hoping it's the end of it.

She will be LIVID 😂😂

does she know where they live? Guarantee you next time she visits she’ll be wanting you to drive past theirs so she can sit pop in with some insane gift tangentially relevant to something they spent two seconds talking about in passing g

Open the gift. Take the gift

tell MIL new friends laughed at gift and said she was loopy but sweet.

double win. MIL thinks they are rude and doesn’t want to be friends anymore and you get a present

Probablu still spitting feathers, oops! She vaguely knows where, but wouldn't be able to go there by herself, but sadly she'll probably never stop asking after them now.

Good idea, but just a loopy letter. She'll be planning other ways of inserting herself 😅.

I know you haven’t passed it on and I wouldn’t have either, but I actually think the content is ok, a pretty reasonable attempt to reach out to someone she liked and hopes to see again.

Can you not see from the rest of the thread how it is part of a wider pattern of behaviour, @MimiGC? Many small parts of which look OK and pretty reasonable on their own.